Abscondito Cor
by idon'tedit
Summary: Severus and Albus were deeply in love, and it was a secret that they kept all through their years at Hogwarts. They kept that secret until one after another they took the secret to their grave. These are the moments that were never known by their peers. M for safety
1. Chapter 1

**I will only put one disclaimer in this seven part story you are about to read, so do not expect to find it at the head of every chapter. I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters that come with the franchise. I have simply pulled them off the shelf for a bit of play. Throughout this story there will be sprinklings of dialogue directly from the book, those words are owned by J.K. Rowling and I am borrowing them to aid in the telling of this story.**

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Kingdom Come by The Civil Wars**_

* * *

Severus sat resolutely in in his chair staring out into the growing darkness while Albus paced fretfully behind them. It was unlike them. Severus had always been the one to release his tension through his feet, and Albus had always been a man to sit and ponder. But tonight was not an ordinary night, and tonight neither man could pretend any differently.

Severus swirled the fire whiskey in his glass, no longer amused by the small plume of smoke that was created by the movement. His eyes had taken on a distant stare, and Albus wondered if he even saw the glass in his hand that he was swirling rhythmically. His heart ached to watch the man who was always so reserved show even the tiniest weakness in the tenseness of his jaw and the heavy silence that he allowed to fall between them.

"Severus," Albus spoke into the metaphorical distance that was growing between them.

The man did not answer, but tilted his head up at a slight angle so his eyes met those of the older man, though the distant look did not leave them.

"If you must leave…" he said quietly. "I would, understand."

An unearthly silence fell in the room as the headmaster stopped his pacing and even the gentle swishing of fabric fell away. Albus stared into those deep black eyes, knowing even now that he would not see much in their depth as the man before him occluded every feeling that bubbled up within him. Even with only the sight of black ice to guide him, he knew what the man was seeing now and it was not the headmaster's office. They both knew that what he saw now was the night he had gone down on his knees before Albus and had taken his vow.

The room disappeared before him as Albus remembered that night the two of them had met upon a windy hilltop. A much younger Severus had knelt before him and begged for the life of his dearest friend. It was a night that the fight between the two people had not mattered, and the fact that Severus bore the dark mark did not much matter either. All that had mattered to Albus that night was that Severus had tears in his eyes and it was his feet that he knelt at not those of Tom Riddle.

That had been the night that Severus had ventured to the Hogshead, and with Aberforth as the witness had taken the vow Albus demanded to _do whatever it takes to stop the Dark Lord._ That had been the night that so many things had begun. That was the night that Severus Snape became the spy that worked for the Order of the Phoenix.

"I cannot," Severus finally spoke, interrupting the silence that had fallen.

There was a gentle clink as he set his glass down on the desk and extended his hand out to Albus. Even in the low light created by the floating candles he could see raised red lines of irritation appearing on his wrist. Severus fought the urge to scratch at them, and Albus fought the urge to take that slender wrist in his hand, and hide the marks with his fingers.

"Even considering the thought of leaving triggers my vow," Severus said solemnly. "I hazard a guess that I would fall dead if I were to step outside of the grounds."

"I would never have sworn you to such a vow if I had known how it would torture you and tie you down," Albus spoke quietly, unable to meet the dark gaze. "I would release you now if I could."

"I would swear it again," Severus answered quietly. "Because it was you that asked it of me."

The words could not fix the situation they now found themselves in, but they were still a balm to the old man's soul. The only bit that could ease his guilt was the knowledge of why Severus had inevitably sworn the vow to him. There had been a piece of the man's soul, that had sworn to vow to protect his dear friend, but the larger piece had sworn it to the man he even know struggled to voice his love for.

There were no words spoken as Albus remembered that moment just before they left that windy hillside. His heartbeat sped up on its own accord as he remembered those moments where the ultimate truth had been spoken between the two of them.

"And what will you give me in return, Severus?" Albus has asked him all those years ago, a part of him hoping that Severus understood what he asked, another part hoping he didn't.

"In… in return," Severus had gasped before a slow understanding dawned on his face. "Anything."

"You would give me anything?" Albus had asked him, reaching out a tentative hand and placing it upon the tightly wound man's shoulder.

There had been a moment where the man had shook, but then Severus had seemed to relax under his hand, and though his eyes still bore his tears, he had looked up into the older man's eyes with a strength that had not been present before.

"What do you want from me," he had asked quietly, his voice holding no real question.

"What could I want from you?" Albus had replied, his hand rising slowly from his shoulder to cup the younger man's neck. "What could I possibly want from the young man that I allowed to take damning prophecy back to his master if only to protect him from a deadly fate?"

Severus had waited to speak, and Albus felt his pulse quicken under his hand, felt his breathing become more labored as the full weight of what he said settled in. He had felt the heat climb into the skin beneath his hand, as the ice melted away from the eyes that looked up at him from where Severus kneeled. He would never forget the gentle shifting of muscles his palm had registered as Severus began to rise.

There had been silence as the moment changed, and yet Albus could remember such noise as his mind and heart raced at the realization that not only would Severus give him what he asked, but the man seemed to be aroused by the prospect. Both of their worlds had shifted as Albus moved his hand to instead cup the jaw of the man that would become his spy, and Severus willingly followed the gesture that brought his lips in contact with those of Albus.

Pulling his mind back to the present, Albus imagined that he felt a tingle upon his lips at the mere memory of the heated kiss they had shared before Severus had sworn his vow. That night truly had been the beginning of many things.

"You are better than you know," Albus whispered quietly, as he took the irritated hand into his own, and placed his lips gently against the irritated skin. "I love you more than you can know."

"Albus," Severus groaned, his entire body trembling as a fire ignited within him. "You know who my heart belongs too."

Severus tried to forget that tomorrow brought the boy he so wished never to meet to his doorstep, and Albus tried not to hurt that Severus still could not say the words he wished to hear as the two of them retired to the headmaster's chambers. Only the half empty fire whiskey glass remained in the office as evidence that anyone other than the headmaster had been present tonight. Only the portraits would ever know of the relationship between Severus and Albus, and they were sworn never to reveal the secrets that they learned from the housing of their frames.

* * *

Severus was angry, terribly angry to be frank, and Albus was facing the brunt of it. He knew that the anger stemmed from the pain Severus was enduring at the moment, but his anger still stung a bit. Albus worked carefully to stem the blood flow to the wound on the younger man's calf while he was raged at.

"The defenses we have put in place are idiocy Albus," he snapped waspishly as suppressed a flinch when Albus touched his wounded leg. "The only formidable barrier is that damned Cerberus, and it is only a matter of time before Quirrell figures out how to get past it."

"I think you are underestimating the menace of a three headed dog," Albus offered lightly, holding firm to his doddering old man person in the face of his lover's rage. "If Fluffy was able to stop you, I am quite certain he will stop Quirinus."

"You are underestimating the lengths a man will go to in order to please his master," Severus hissed through his teeth as I attempted to cauterize the still bleeding vessels in an effort to clear the field of blood. "When his only other choice it to play host to the Dark Lord, he will not fail to find a way past the dog. And then where are we? The other defenses will fall in a manner of minutes."

"Do you think even your defense to be so weak?" the old man asked carefully.

"Obviously," he sneered. "If you had allowed me to fill all of the bottles with poison we could be certain that no one would reach the stone."

"Nicholas was firm on his point that no one should be murdered to protect his scientific discovery," Albus said carefully. "My allowing Fluffy as a guard pushes the boundaries of the agreement he and I made."

"Perhaps he is losing his clarity in his old age," Severus said none too kindly, before wincing and pulling his leg away from Albus. "It's poisoned you imbecile that is why you cannot stop the blood flow."

"Severus," Albus chided, stepping back and allowing distance to come between them in the face of his partner's vitriol.

Severus opened his mouth, with a resigned look on his face, but Albus did not get the chance to hear his apology. A knock sounded at the door, and both wizards felt the ripple in the wards that acknowledged the presence of the school caretaker.

"I shall leave you to Filch then," Albus sighed. "I must speak to Minerva about her point allotment in relation to the troll incident anyway."

"They should have lost far more points if you ask me," Severus grumbled before his face softened once more. "Do you wish me to come to you tonight?"

"Always Severus," Albus answered softly before slipping through a secret exit that would let him out in a corridor that was not inhabited by Argus Filch.

* * *

One late November night found the two men seated in the headmaster's office once more. The castle had gone to sleep, and it seemed that they alone remained awake as they shared a night cap and caught up on everything that had not been able to share with one another as they had been forced to spend a week apart due to their precarious arrangement of secrecy. Their actions had returned to normalcy and Albus could be found seated calmly at his desk while Severus paced in agitation near the window.

"Quirrell has developed a bit of an obsession with the boy," Severus noted before stopping to take a sip from the tumble of whiskey he left seated on the windowsill. "Potter has not noticed, but I have caught the bastard following the boy through halls twice now."

"Were you not also following the boy?" Albus asked carefully, his eyes peering over his own glass with a knowing look.

"I am worried about his safety, and as you well know I am _compelled_ to assure that he remains safe," Severus answered tersely. "Quirrell had no such compunction. He may wish to use the boy in some plot to resurrect the Dark Lord."

"Do you think it's possible that you are being paranoid?" Albus asked before taking a slow pull on his own drink. "I do not disagree that Quirinus is walking a dark path, but I have not noticed any preoccupation with Harry."

"Albus you infuriate me," Severus said though his voice did not sound particularly angry. "Finish your drink, and perhaps we can take this argument to the bedroom."

Albus could not help but smile as he tipped back the last of his drink. It was rare that Severus was in a playful mood, and even rarer that he would instigate a moment of intimacy after Albus had so pointedly disagreed with him on a point. The past few months had seen a bit of a dry spell in their affections as Severus attempted to cope with the arrival of the boy reared by both his nemesis and his dearest friend. It promised to be a good night.

* * *

It was less than a week later when the argument was revisited, this time in the potion master's chamber, over tea instead of whiskey, and with much louder voices though the silencing charms would keep anyone from overhearing. Both men were pacing this time, and the tension in the room was clear.

"I told you he was plotting something against the boy!" Severus shouted.

"You did no such thing," Albus said icily, his voice bordering on the thunderous yelling he sought to restrain. "You hinted that you suspect it, after regaling me with an hour of paranoid theories. What was I supposed to do, pull the boy off the quidditch team because you thought Quirinus was following him in the hallway?"

"You could have at least listened to my suspicions with an ounce of belief," Severus thundered slamming his hand down on the table and nearly overturning the tea service. "Instead of leaving it up to the chance that I _might_ know an ancient counter-curse that would keep the annoying little ponce on his broom long enough to get out of the air."

"Severus Tobias Snape," Albus growled, his anger final boiling over the top of the pit he attempted to bury it in. "I will tolerate many things, but the insinuation that I intentionally put a child in danger is going to far."

Old wounds were being torn open on either side of the argument. A deep tear in the heart of Albus was opening at the thought of the death of a child staining his soul once more, and while he looked at Severus, it was Ariana that he saw now. And Severus in his anger had stopped seeing his lover as he was now, but instead saw him as he was the last time he had failed to save someone he cared for. Not that Severus would ever admit to caring about Harry Bloody Potter.

Albus was looking off into the distance seeing an old fight. He did not see the flecks of tea that had been spilt upon the table; instead he saw a dark living room, frozen by the enormity of what had just taken place. Years later, he could still taste the falling plaster on his tongue, feel the heat of the explosion that had happened upon his flesh. No matter how much time passed, when his thoughts turned that way, he could still feel the weight in his chest and his heart constricted painfully at the question of who had caused it. Had he been the one to kill dear Ariana?

At times like these, it fell to Severus to bring him around, to comfort him and bring him back to the present. But tonight he was wandering in the past as well. He saw the headmaster's office in place of the chambers he now stood in. He could feel the tightness in his throat that he had felt when his tears had fallen a decade ago.

"I thought… you were going… to keep her… safe…" he had moaned pitifully, lying in a heap in the arm chair before the desk.

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," Albus had told him softly. "Rather like you Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Even now Severus could remember the way his breathing had grown shallow to the point of nearly stopping. For a moment he had thought the headmaster had been speaking of himself as someone not to have their trust placed in, and then an angry flare of residual dark magic his forearm had burned where his dark mark should have been visible at the mention of his master's name. Like his master, the mark had made a sudden disappearance that evening.

"Her boy survives," Albus had said, drawing him back out of his mind, though it caused him to flinch. "Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans's eyes I am sure."

Severus knew that his love had been emotionally manipulating him in an effort to bring him out of the deep depression he was rapidly slipping in to, but that did not stave of the raged that tried to battle with the horrible ache that had taken up residence in his chest.

"DON'T!" he had bellowed. "Gone… dead…"

There had been a silence between the two of them for a moment as Albus searched for the right words. Severus knew there were no right words, and found that he didn't even care. He couldn't find it in him to care about much in that moment when he realized that the one person who had ever accepted him, had continued to love him even when she knew of his preferences, was gone. Tonight it didn't matter that their relationship had fallen apart with one stupid word. Tonight all that mattered was that he was alone again.

"I wish… I wish I were dead…" he had whimpered into the back of the chair, and even ten years later he could still remember the way his tears had drenched the old upholstery and brought out the dusty smell that revealed how little time the house elves spent in the headmaster's office.

"Severus," Albus had moaned, his own pain becoming apparent as he dropped to his knees and turned Severus so he was facing him. "I could tell you that the Dark Lord will be returning and that is why you are still needed. While that is true it would be a lie. If you were to die… Severus you cannot do that to me."

And like all of those years ago, he turned his eyes on Albus once more. He looked at the old man, who seemed to broken, and his heart reached out to him once more. He let go of his anger and his panic. He let go of everything but the love he felt for that man, and he reached out and tangled his fingers into Albus's hair as he had then and leaned in to claim his lips, grateful that there were no tears to spill over this time.

"I'm sorry," Albus whispered against his lips before he kissed him back.

"As am I," Severus said quietly as he tugged softly to bring Albus to his feet and pulled him into an embrace. "I know you would never willingly harm a child. I know that."

"I am so tired," Albus sighed into the basin of Severus's clavicle. "Let us go to bed. Please."

"Of course," Severus agreed easily, and they both walked out of the sitting room, attempting to leave their demons behind.

* * *

"Albus, how long have you had this?" Severus asked, looking at the bundle of fabric the headmaster was holding.

"About eleven years now I suppose," he answered with an air of forced calmness. "I was thinking perhaps I should give it away."

"I cannot believe you have held on to it for this long," Severus growled, any holiday cheer that had been in the air burning away in the face of his spiking temper. "You promised me that you were done with that."

"I am Severus," Albus answered earnestly. "That is why I have decided to give the cloak to the boy."

"You've only just decided to give it to him," Severus roared, jumping to his feet, and upsetting the books that had been on the edge of the desk near his hip. "So for years that bloody cloak has been hidden away in your closet while you have promised me again and again that you are done with the deathly hallows."

"I couldn't very well ship the thing off to a boy who did not even know he was a wizard," Albus answered, frost climbing into his own voice as his feathers ruffled with his lover's anger. "I do not appreciate the suggestion that I have been dishonest with you."

"I have held you in my heart for ten years now, and all I have asked of you is that you not give in to the siren song of those trinkets," Severus spoke slowly, attempting to reign in the anger that was burning in his chest. "Might you understand how… frustrating it would be for me to discover that you have been in possession of two of the three, for at least a decade, without even mentioning it to me."

"What do you want me to say Severus?" Albus asked quietly. "I haven't thought about the cloak in years. I only remembered having it because of Harry, and I thought he should have it. The cloak was his father's after all."

Severus paced back and forth before the desk, and Albus could see the lines of tension slowly ease out of him as the man let go of the anger he was feeling. Albus felt a deep sadness as he thought about just how often the two of them were fighting over things this year. It seemed every fight wound its way back to Harry Potter in the end, and despite the caring educator persona he was known for, he found he wished the boy were not attending his school if it were going to hurt his lover so. He wanted to know if it were even possible for Severus to be happy while the child that represented so many past pains and humiliations to him was present under the same roof as him.

"You do realize that you are practically asking the boy to sneak around the castle unattended at night by giving that too him do you not?" Severus said with a mix of humor and exasperation.

"Young boys need a bit of adventure," Albus said with a light smile at the return of a much less agitated Severus. "Particularly those who are sorted into Gryffindor."

"Well let's hope the little lion's misadventures do not get one of us killed," Severus sighed, slipping back into his chair.

Albus wondered if the man even noticed that he was rubbing his wrist in a self-soothing gesture. It was curious that the oath Severus had sworn to him all those years ago was proving to be so closely linked to the fate of Harry Potter. Even curiouser still when the prophecy was taken in to account. Albus stifled a sigh when he thought of eventually having to Severus that the boy would end up dying anyway. He felt rather certain that the reason the oath was driving Severus to keep the boy alive was because he needed to die at the proper moment. Albus stopped that train of thought in its tracks when he felt the familiar tightness in his chest growing. It wouldn't do to grieve something that had yet to come, particularly if he hoped to keep it remotely secret.

"Do you think I should sign the card?" he asked quietly while Severus scratched Fawkes's neck.

"No," Severus said with a smirk. "Give him a mystery to occupy his mind and perhaps he will be too busy with that to cause much trouble."

* * *

"What do you see when you look in the mirror?" Albus asked as he stepped up behind Severus inadvertently dispelling whatever image the other man saw.

"I see you and me holding hands," he said quietly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips when Albus slid his hand into his own. "We are at a dinner of some sort, celebrating the true end to the Dark Lord."

An unspoken tension crept into the room at the implication of such a public display of affection, no matter the reason. Severus waited quietly to see if his lover would let it pass, or if he would question what had been seen.

"Are you pained terribly by my desire for privacy?" he asked Severus after a long time.

"No," Severus assured him. "I know you do not keep me secret because you are ashamed of me. You were hurt by Gellert. I understand that."

"I do not think you a secret," Albus whispered softly as he pressed his forehead in between the dark man's shoulder blades.

"And what do you see?" Severus asked as he carefully slide to the side so he would not cause Albus to stumble from his change in position.

The older man stared into the mirror for a long time, and Severus stood to the side watching his face change subtly as he gazed upon the image presented to him. He watched as a crease developed between his brows, and his eyes tightened with pain. Severus wondered what he saw that could both exist as his heart's desire and as something that caused him pain, but did not ask. He waited patiently for Albus to find the words for what it was.

"What I see is an impossibility," he spoke finally, his voice gravelly with pain. "It would be a truly magnificent moment if it was to happen, but it cannot."

"What is it?" Severus asked, his curiosity overriding his ability to wait patiently for the answer.

"Ariana giving me her blessing to ask for your hand in a more formal manner," Albus answered stiffly before he spun away from the mirror.

Severus jolted at the movement, but then focused his mind and realized he could hear light footsteps in the hallway. He acted quickly, amused that his lover made the same choice, and cast a disillusionment charm upon himself.

"Ah, that will be Harry returning again, perhaps you should avoid such a scene," Albus whispered softly, the stiffness gone from his voice.

Severus followed the instruction to a point. When the door swing open to admit the boy who must have been sheathed beneath his invisibility cloak, Severus slipped out through the door that had been left open. Once he was in the hallway he stopped to listen, a habit of spying born in the end of the war that had yet to die off in him. He listened to the boy discovering the purpose of the mirror and was just thinking of leaving to be saved the torment of the inner workings of Lily's child's mind when the child asked such a personal question that Severus could not help but wait to hear how Albus would answer.

"What do you see when you look in the mirror?" little Harry had asked in such an innocent voice that Severus knew he didn't realize how personal the question was.

There was a pause, and Severus would have paid to see his lover's face as he sought an answer appropriate to share with Harry. Of course he might not have wanted to see his face as he tried not to think about what he had seen just moments earlier. His face could not have been pleasant while thinking of the discovery that his heart's desire was to marry a man he would never marry for that would reveal their secret.

"I? I see myself holding a pair of thick woolen socks." Albus answered in a serene voice, and it warmed Severus's heart to think of the socks that rested on the man's feet right this moment which had been created with special magic to keep him warm and fill him with the loving feelings that Severus had felt while committing the terribly out of character act of knitting them.

Severus no longer felt the need to spy. It was nestled deep within a misguided bit of dialogue that the boy would never understand, but just now Albus had publicly admitted his love for Severus. Perhaps they would never marry, or never so much as hold hands while in the company of others, but they still had their love. It was a love that they shared in whatever way that they could, and for Severus it was enough.

* * *

Severus and Albus came dangerously close to revealing more of their relationship than they wished to during an argument in a rather public corridor that quickly slipped away from them. It had started innocently enough. Severus had caught Albus and Rolanda leaving the great hall at the same time and had decided to act upon an idea he'd been incubating for several days.

He had been trying to casually suggest that he referee the upcoming quidditch match between, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. He made the mistake of citing her previous tenure as a student in the house of Hufflepuff as his reasoning. It had been an effort to not reveal his true motivation, but he had not realized what anger he would trigger.

"Do you think after all these years of teaching our students to fly, and refereeing the Quidditch matches I have suddenly developed an incredible bias?" she shouted at him, and students who were leaving breakfast lingered to watch the fight unfold.

"I did not mean that you are biased, only that is might be a relief not to be faced with a match of such importance for your house," Severus said, dropping his voice into a velvet tone meant to soothe her anger away. "It has been a long time since I have had the pleasure of taking any part in a Quidditch match here at the school after all."

"Well, then I am sure you wouldn't mind me teaching a few of your potions classes," she snapped, her face growing red with an anger that was growing rather than subsiding. "You'll be wanting my job full time next!"

"Now Rolanda I don't think that is Severus's intention at all," Albus said cautiously before turning his eyes on the lingering students and allowing a bit of sternness to climb into his voice. "I believe that all of you have lessons to attend and should be getting on your way."

The students quickly dispersed, but that did not dispel the anger in Rolanda, or the argument that was brewing. Severus raced for another reason that he could give that would not give away why he wanted to be in the air while Harry was, but he could not find one. He decided that perhaps a partial truth was needed.

"I am concerned about what happened the last time Mr. Potter took the pitch," he said finally. "I wish to be in the air in order to prevent a repeat performance."

"Severus," Albus warned, and the rest of the sentence telling him to remain mum about his suspicion in relation to Quirrell was not needed.

"So now you think I cannot protect the students?" Rolanda said, her temper flaring higher and causing Severus to wonder why her hair wasn't red.

"Albus, could you please talk some sense into this woman?" it had slipped from his mouth so quickly that Severus did not realize the implications of his words until he had already said them.

Rolanda's eyes went wide as she looked between the two men, and he didn't need to be a legillimens to see that she was questioning the relationship between them. She was wondering why Severus would feel that he had higher footing than she. Severus raced for an answer and in a burst of inspiration he scratched pointedly at his left arm, until he saw her notice it and then he stopped. He watch her mind ticking, and seconds later he saw it click into place when she remembered the rumors that he was a spy for Albus. Her skin lightened slightly as she accepted that as the reason for the different footing in their relationship with the headmaster, and to his great fortune it worked as a reason for why he might want to be in the air.

He found he liked Rolanda a bit more for her willingness to accept that she simply didn't know his reasoning, but he knew that her acceptance of the plan had more to do with her faith in the headmaster and not in Severus. The argument bled out quickly, and a short conversation insured that Severus would be in the air to protect Harry against a second attempt on his life without Rolanda any the wiser as to why such an action was needed. And luck was with them that their relationship had not been revealed incidentally to another staff member. Frankly Severus was certain he would take quite the verbal lashing for that at a later date, and he felt that he deserved it for such an idiotic slip of the tongue.

* * *

Severus found himself wishing he had never gotten into such an argument with Rolanda when the day of the Quidditch match in question finally arrived, and Severus had woken far too early, forced to dash from the comfort of Albus's thick down comforter when he was overtaken by the violent urge to retch. Albus had joined him the bathroom sometime later, calmly rubbing his lower back and pulling his hair into a loose chignon while Severus continued to be ill.

"You should stay in bed today," Albus said told him gently, hours later when the sun was fully up and Severus appeared to be done retching for the moment.

"I can't," he sighed, sinking tiredly onto the foot of the bed and contemplating his feet rather pointedly. "Not after such a ridiculous argument with Rolanda. No, I will have to fly in the match, with Merlin's blessing may it be a short one."

"If you insist, oh so stubborn love of mine," Albus said with a small smile. "Why don't you take a shower and I will see to a bit ginger tea for you."

Severus nodded, finding he was unable to voice his thanks as he was hit with another wave of nausea, and returned to his position at the foot of the Harrington. He hoped a shower would help, if only to wash away the clammy sweat that had appeared all over his body. He was rather certain that he was running a fever, and felt like a right git for getting himself into such a predicament.

An hour later he found himself on the pitch, dressed in his usual black robes that did nothing to keep him warm as the fever began to really take hold, and certainly didn't help hide how pallid his skin was looking as he kept from vomiting by sheer will power. He observed the two teams entering the pitch and wondered if the sight of some of his most troublesome students armed with bats was the reason his stomach attempted yet again to oust the small bit of tea he had consumed at Albus's behest.

Nearly all thought left his mind as he mounted his broom and joined the players in the air. Flying had been an absolutely miserable idea he decided the second his feet left the ground. His stomach was roiling, and trying to watch the game closely enough to actually referee was damn near impossible. It became even more challenging when George Weasley decided to be a right arse and nearly knock

Severus off his broom with a Bludger. He managed to keep his seat, but his tea was revisited upon him in his mouth, and his responding anger allowed him to feel no shame in awarding Hufflepuff a penalty to punish the red headed miscreant.

His stomach has just settled to a dull roar, when Harry Potter went roaring by, only missing him by inches because Severus had swung his broom around quickly enough to pull himself out of the way. Thank God the boy had caught the damn snitch, because that was the last Severus's stomach could take. He felt his mouth filling with the telltale saliva that preceded a bout of sickness as he streaked towards the ground. He barely spared any attention for Albus as he tended to Harry Potter, pausing only to spit upon the ground before he stormed off the pitch.

He would brood over his house falling out of the lead for the house cup once more later, for now he had an urgent appointment with the porcelain goddess. Once out of sight of the celebrating student body he dashed off to his chambers that would put him in proximity to both a loo and his first aid supplies. Clearly this little stomach bug wasn't going to pass as quickly as he had hoped, and he was going to be reduced to actually taking something for it if he didn't want to vomit up a lung.

"Severus, do you want me to fetch Poppy?" Albus called from the sitting room.

"No," Severus rasped from his position slumped against the bathroom sink. "It's just a silly bug. Could you grab the white box in my bedside table for me?"

It was only a minute later that the older man appeared in the bathroom beside him with the box in hand. He clearly looked curious as to what was in the box, but he did not ask. He simply handed it over and waited to see what the contents would be. He was quite surprised when Severus threw back the lid and revealed a collection of what appeared to be muggle medicines. He watched the man take out a bottle full of vibrant pink viscous liquid, and tip back a swig of it before returning the bottle to its box.

"What is that?" he asked Severus curiously.

"It is a muggle medication for gastrointestinal diseases," Severus explained as he closed the box and set it to the side before leaning his head back against the sink once more. "I have yet to find a successful way to brew a potion that works better than that nasty pink concoction."

"Well sometimes it is our muggle counterparts who find the right answer," Albus said with a smile as he offered Severus his hand. "Now why don't we get you back in to bed while there is a pause in the more demonstrative bit of illness."

* * *

There was a blissful stretch of quiet that stretched from the mostly uneventful Quidditch match that Severus had overseen up until just before the end of term exams. There were tiny blips whenever Severus had a particularly disconcerting run in with Quirrell, but there was nothing that caused him great concern. No additional attempts had been made to steal the stone. No attempts had been made on the boy's life. Severus was so comfortable in his stolen moments with Albus that remained uninterrupted by the outside world, that he almost forgot that Lily Potter's child was now haunting the halls alongside him.

That almost playful ignorance was blown out of the water on the night that Hagrid chose to take the students into the Forbidden forest for a detention. Yes the students had been smuggling a dragon about, but was taking them into the forest when some evil was preying upon the unicorn population a fitting punishment? Surely it wasn't considered even remotely intelligent as a choice when it was so easy to discern that I had been the Dark Lord possessing Quirrell in the forest, drinking unicorn blood.

Severus had woken from a dead sleep, his wrist flaring in pain at what he later learned was the exact moment the cloaked figure had begun to make a move on Harry Potter. He had rushed up to Albus's chambers in confusion, not understanding why the path that had been created with the light of his unbreakable bow, was burning and turning red once more on his wrist.

"Albus," he said in a rush as he woken the man from his bed. "I think the boy is in danger."

"What?" Albus asked, reaching out to trace his fingers over the once again raised lines.

They faded so quickly that the cause seemed to be the touch of his lover. Whatever danger there had been seemed to have passed, but the anxiety of such an awakening remained. Severus had not realized that by making his vow that his fate would be so closely tied to the safety of Harry Potter. Clearly he was going to be drawn into ever damnable scheme the boy ventured in to, in order to save the boy's life and inevitably his own.

* * *

That theory was proven just before the end of the year, when Severus was brewing to fill a deficiency in the hospital wing, and to pass a bit of time while Albus was called away to the ministry. He dropped a freshly stoppered vial of pepper up potion, causing it to shatter into pieces on the floor, as an immense pain flared in his wrist.

He immediately began to walk the corridors when he realized that Harry Potter was up to something that was putting his life at risk again. When the itch grew steadily stronger the longer he went without finding him, and to his bewilderment when he made an offhand decision to give up the search and return to his chambers the red raised lines began to turn black and the itch turned to pain that was far more nagging than the minor swell that had grabbed his attention.

He watched in horror as the blackness seemed to spread from the bracelet of overlapping lines on his wrist up his forearm. It stopped him in his tracks and he began to back track in the other direction. He hadn't been able to find the boy on the first try, but he certainly wasn't going to die for it. He would find him.

He was saved the trouble of bothering when Albus came blustering in to the castle and tore past him and went straight to the entrance to the third floor corridor. Severus stayed long enough to glimpse Hermione Granger giving a rushed explanation while clutching a half conscious Ronald Weasley before he made his retreat back to the dungeons. He watched the skin of his wrist rather than where his feet were carrying him, and he found that with each second the lines grew less visible until his skin was plain pale white once more. He pushed his distress over it all away and set to work brewing the tea he was certain Albus would want after sorting out whatever had happened tonight at the school.

* * *

Had Severus had any idea what would transpire down in that obstacle filled chamber, he would have done something other than prepare tea. When Albus appeared in the sitting room of his chambers, Severus could visibly see the last vestiges of his headmaster persona slipping away. He could see how the man who had swept in to save the day, and then had calmly put all the pieces together so that the students felt safe, and the stone was taken care of, simply vanished into the ether leaving in its place a man who was hurting.

Albus shook gently as he lowered himself into his knees and lay his head in Severus's lap. Severus stayed quiet, waiting for him to tell him what had happened when he was ready, and gently ran his fingers through the tangled white hair that was splayed across his lap. He felt the tears soaking through the fabric of his robes before he heard the gentle cries of the man that was clutching his knees, and he could remain silent no longer.

"What has happened Albus?" he asked, his concern apparent in his baritone voice.

"Quirinus is dead, at the hand of Harry Potter," Albus cried into Severus's lap. "Though I pray Harry does not put the facts together and simply assumes the man was killed by the possession subjected upon him by Tom Riddle."

Severus remained quiet. What words were there for such a situation? It was not as if Severus could tell him that it would be alright, and he certainly didn't want to say something that would come off sound like an 'I told you so.' So he waited for Albus to give him a better idea of what he needed in a moment like this.

"I should have listened to you and taken more precautions with Quirinus and the boy," Albus moan, fisting black robes in his hands. "I have allowed an eleven year old to mar his soul with a death, and for what? My own pride?"

"His soul will remain unmarred," Severus spoke softly, shifting them both gently so he sat on the floor and held Albus tightly to him. "Intent is the most important piece in soul magic, and Harry Potter was defending himself and others."

"Perhaps you are right," Albus breathed shakily, tucking his head into his lover's neck in a surprisingly childlike gesture. "But I have been such a fool."

"Haven't we all played the fool at some point in our life?" Severus said with a pointedly light voice, forcing out a laugh though he did not feel cheerful. "You are after all speaking to the man who brought about the murder of his only friend in the world."

"Oh Severus, we are quite the pair are we not," Albus gave a shaky laugh, more tears spilling out onto the skin of the dark man's neck.

"Yes, yes we are," Severus sighed, before he buried his nose in the white hair before him and simply rocked the two of them back and forth.

It would be a long night, but soon the morning would come, and with it a few months of freedom. It would all be over soon. Well, until next year. It wouldn't be truly over until the Dark Lord had made his return and subsequently been truly defeated. Then they could finally have peace.

* * *

Severus held his back stiffly and forced a smile on his face as he offered Minerva a handshake of congratulations. At the end of the day he cared very little about house points, but he was struggling to control his reaction to the travesty that had just taken place. His house was disliked by all, and cast away as if the lot of them were Death Eaters on a regular basis. They were never really allowed to feel as if anyone liked them, let alone care about them.

He was waging a constant battle to prove to them that they still matter, and that if they just kept their chin up and worked hard they would get what they deserved. In one rather idiotic move of favoritism Albus had just annihilated several years of work. From his position at the head table he could see the dark looks of his seventh years as they realized that their last chance at securing a bit of honor for their house had been stolen right out from under their noses, and he could see the return of hatred in several pairs of eyes.

So much effort, lost, and for what? Did the golden boy really need to be given the house cup? No, Albus was trying to assuage his own guilt for what had happened down in that chamber, and in doing so he had far more people than had been hurting before. Next year would be like starting from square one for Severus, and he knew that such a public blow to the ego would make it impossible for him to reconnect with some of his more sensitive students.

He kept the smooth façade on his face until he had exited the great hall amongst the crowd. He did not let it slip from his face as he stood within the Slytherin common room and explain without emotion that the loss of the house cup was not a comment on their worth. It stayed there as he refrained from allowing his feelings to cross his face when he saw how many of the students did not believe what he said. His face was like stone until he picked his way slowly up to the headmaster's office to speak to the white haired man who sat at his desk with a soft smile on his face.

"You've done a great injustice tonight Albus," he said as he slid into the chair in front of the desk and finally allowed his frustration to show on his face.

"They boy deserved a little joy Severus," Albus sighed without meeting his eyes as he began to pour them both a bit of tea.

"And what did the many boys and girls of my house deserve?" Severus asked in an icy tone. "Could you not have even given me a bit of warning so I could prepare them? Perhaps helped them to avoid a bit of the embarrassment they were subjected to tonight."

"My actions had no relation to Slytherin, it was not a comment on them," Albus said as he offered Severus his cup.

"No it wasn't, but they won't see it that way," Severus sighed as he took the cup. "It has been nearly impossible to convince them that their teachers do not in fact hate them, and they will take tonight as confirmation that I was wrong and they were right."

"I'm sorry Severus," Albus said, the weight of the issue finally seeming to dawn on him.

"It is not to me that you owe an apology old man," Severus quipped before taking a sip of tea and resolving to let go of his anger. "We shall try again next year I suppose."

"Yes we shall," Albus agreed taking a sip of his own. "Here's to hoping it goes a bit more smoothly than this one did."

"Well, I believe hiring a defense teacher that is not possessed by the Dark Lord would be a good start," Severus suggested.

"Ah yes, well I certainly hope someone other than Gilderoy Lockhart applies," Albus groaned before pulling the lemon off of his tea cup and biting into it.

"I shall of course be applying for it once more," Severus offered lightly. "So you do have options."

"You know I cannot allow you to take the position when it is cursed," Albus said in a tight voice. "You would not put me in the position to be burying you this time next year would you?"

"Never," Severus swore, and the fact that he could not tell the future did not matter, Albus was still rather certain that he would never be faced with burying Severus if only by sheer will power.

* * *

And just like that summer came, and all of their troubles, their illnesses, their petty fights, were forgotten. They packed their duffels and in what had become a tradition for them long ago they boarded a muggle plane and flew off to a remote island where the sun was always bright and the water was always warm. It was the first place they had gone when that turbulent and trying first year of their relationship, and Severus's tenor at Hogwarts had ended.

It was on those beaches where they had finally found a bit of peace and had begun to let go of old pains. They returned to the island every year to mark an anniversary, but also to reaffirm the love between them and to let go of the many hurts that always seemed to find a way into their hearts. As had also become a tradition they spent the first day on the island in bed, simply refusing to relinquish the feeling of skin against skin as they held one another. It was almost religious the way they would worship one another and let go of everything else in the world.

It was only after that first day that they ever ventured out into the ocean waters, or into the small rainforest that ran through the center of the island. They were never left wanting for something to occupy their time. This year like every year before they grew steadily more relaxed as the two weeks stretch on and by the time it was required that they take their flight back to the real world there was nothing left between them. There were no hesitations with terms of endearment. There was no overarching hunger for physical contact. There was no pain. There was just Albus and Severus, in love, and ready to face their lives where they were forced to hide their relationship once more.

Severus firmly believe that there was no more magical place than that small tropical island, except for perhaps within Albus. Albus himself wasn't sure what he believed of magic anymore; the only thing he was absolutely sure about anymore was his lover.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Songs for this chapter: I Miss You by Blink 182 and Backwards by Christina Perri**_

* * *

Severus could not help himself, when Albus told him he was officially hiring the idiot Gilderoy Lockhart he laughed. He laughed a deep belly laugh that seemed to stretch for an eternity, but in reality was about five minutes. He laughed himself hoarse until Albus chose to forewarn Severus about a certain interest that Mr. Lockhart had.

Discovering that Lockhart was homosexual was not remotely surprising to Severus, or really even of much consequence to him. Discovering that Lockhart was romantically interested in _him_ however was rather disturbing. Though watching the laughter shift to Albus while Severus felt torn between mortification and annoyance was a bit entertaining to all of the portraits that were pretending not to watch the exchange in the headmaster's office.

"You haven't shared my inclinations with him have you?" Severus drawled in irritation as he stared out the window at the sloping lawns.

"No Severus, as far as Gilderoy is concerned you are entirely interested in the fairer sex," Albus said with a smile in his voice pausing long enough to allow Severus his relieved breath. "That however is of little consequence to such a flamboyant individual as Gilderoy. He has intimated that he intends to turn you."

"As if one could be turned," Severus scoffed rounding away from the window to glare at his lover. "Honestly Albus where do you find these idiots."

"Now Severus, we are grateful that someone applied for the post," Albus chuckled lightly. "We must not speak ill of our newest staff member."

It took all Severus had not to point out that the whole travesty could have been avoided if the position had simply been given to him. Perhaps he would lose his job at the end of the year due to the curse, but frankly Severus had never wanted to be a teacher in the first place, so he was not entirely concerned with losing his job. In fact he would have a much easier time concealing his close relationship with Albus if he did not have to give the air of actually living in his dungeon quarters, but that was another story altogether.

"When does the prat arrive at the castle?" Severus asked finally.

"August thirty-first." Albus answer jovially. "He will be unable to attend the beginning staff meeting due to a previous engagement with his book publisher."

"Pity," Severus laughed darkly, while silently congratulating himself on another day without the man that was sure to be a thorn in his side.

* * *

Albus was preoccupied with preparing what he would say at the beginning of the year feast, so Severus found himself looking for something to do. If it hadn't been for a moment of boredom he might not have discovered the little gem about the blasted boy who lived creating a right mess with his red headed sidekick. It wasn't that Severus was particularly angry with the two boys for making such a stupid choice, but he was in need of an outlet of his already boiling temper after a day of trying to avoid the far too eager new professor, and the little lion's created a rather easy target.

At least that was how he tried to justify it to himself when he saw just how disappointed Albus was in the way he had behaved that evening. He was not so angry as to have lost the twinkle in his eye, but his frustration that Severus still seemed to dislike the golden boy so much was strikingly apparent. Severus did his best to soothe the man, but the frustration did not die easily, which only bred further frustration in the dark haired man. That was the leading cause for him spending the evening alone in his dark dungeon chambers, succumbing to brooding about Harry Potter as well as Gilderoy Lockhart.

* * *

"Albus, there is something off this year," Severus said as he paced about the sitting room of his chambers trying to find the words for what he was feeling. "I know it does not make sense, but I could swear that the Dark Lord's magic is here this year."

There was silence as Albus watched him patiently from where he sat near the fire. His look was clear, he was not convinced, but that did not mean he wouldn't be, only that he needed more information.

"It feels a bit like it felt last year on the day that Harry Potter encountered him in the forbidden forest," Severus went on, running his fingers through his hair while he thought. "Only this time there appears to be no risk. At least I assume there isn't as my oath has not been triggered in the slightest."

"There hasn't been any activity that even seems to be dark magic," Albus pointed out carefully. "At least none that has taken my notice."

"No you are right," Severus said sliding in to his seat beside Albus. "It is a feeling. Perhaps I am being paranoid. Whatever the case, I am… apprehensive about what is to come."

* * *

"Oh good Lord," Severus sighed grumpily as he slipped into his chambers without bothering to ignite the lamps.

It had been a long day full of teaching dunderheads, but nothing had been anywhere near as taxing as the not even subtle advances from Lockhart. Severus was seriously considering refusing to take any meals in the great hall if he was going to be subjected to such idiocy at each meal.

He was dropping less than subtle hints to his desires, and making jokes that were quite frankly a form of sexual harassment. It was all Severus could do not to strike the man when he had been so bold as to reach out and casually touch his arm. Severus had not so kindly pointed out in a strained voice that he was not interested in a relationship with any man, and certainly not Lockhart. The first half had been a lie, but no one needed to know that.

He was tired, and annoyed, and just desperate enough to be rid of the man that he was seriously considering initiating a conversation with Minerva about allowing me to spread a rumor about the two of us if only to get Lockhart off of his back.

* * *

"I think the boy senses something as well," Severus told Albus as they turned down the comforter on the bed.

"Do you think he knows who has opened the chamber?" Albus asked, removing his spectacles. "I know he was lying about something, but that seems a bit of a stretch."

"No I don't think he knows who did it," Severus assured him. "But I think he felt something. I think he was somehow drawn to that corridor. Just the same as I was."

"I imagine the students think I am omnipotent to have arrived with no warning in the corridor," Albus said with a tired chuckle as they both slid into bed. "Wouldn't they be surprised to realize I only ended up there because you told me that something was happening."

"You make me sound like Sybil," Severus scoffed before lazily waving his hand to wandlessly extinguish the lights in the room.

"If you were Sybil you would not be able to brew the Mandrake Restoration potion we suddenly find ourselves in need of," Albus yawned before snuggling into Severus's side.

"How do you think the cat became petrified anyway?" Severus hummed almost inaudibly.

"That is research for tomorrow," Albus sighed.

The conversation died away as the two men settled further into the mattress. It had been a long trying day, and both men were more than ready to sleep. There was real trouble at the school now, trouble worse than overactive children or incompetent professors, but for now there was nothing to be done. They did not have the answers they needed, and so they simply admitted temporary defeat and succumbed to their tired bodies.

* * *

"What exactly are you asking me?" Minerva said with a pinched look on her face as she set her grading aside.

"For your aid in avoiding the apparently unremitting attentions of Mr. Lockhart," Severus said with a wry smile. "It might require one public display of affection, but I assure you I would not ask for more than a hug so benign you might share it with a grandchild. It will lead to rumors, but you would not be required to actually do anything."

"Except besmirch my reputation," she sighed, but she did not seem to be completely disregarding the idea. "Is he really giving you that much trouble?"

"After I nearly murdered him for touching me, do you know what he did?" he asked her, though he didn't wait for her to answer. "He sent me chocolates Minerva. Good chocolates mind you, but a man should not send another man a box of chocolates."

"Well if you wanted to get a girl wouldn't you send her chocolates?" Minerva asked with a slight smirk.

"Not if she so clearly wasn't interested," Severus said with a smirk of his own, thinking of how Albus preferred lemon drops.

"Well I will agree to this to help out a friend," she said with a hearty laugh. "But I want chocolates Severus."

"Whatever you wish for me, m'lady," Severus said mockingly with a slight bow before sweeping out of her office with a bit of tension released from his shoulders.

* * *

"How much did you spend on those chocolates?" Albus asked as he dug through the bowl of lemon drops on his desk.

"Far too much," Severus laughed. "But I figured I should make it up to her. I am sure her reputation is going to suffer due to our arrangement."

"You might be interested to know that there isn't a soul on the staff that believes you and Minerva are romantically involved," Albus chuckled before popping a candy in his mouth. "Besides Gilderoy who is terribly jealous and not at all deterred from his intentions."

"Well that's just lovely," Severus grimaced, leaning in to grab a now slightly lemon flavored kiss. "What do I have to do, copulate with her on the ever loving staff table?"

"While that might get the point across to Gilderoy I must admit it would make me quite angry," Albus said softly standing up from the desk to pull the dark haired man into his arms. "As your headmaster I would be forced to take punitive action."

"Hmmm," Severus hummed brushing Albus's hair back to place a kiss on the side of his neck. "Perhaps I shall do it with haste then."

"You dog," Albus chuckled huskily pulling the younger man's hair a bit roughly before leading him out of the office and into the bedroom.

* * *

"This still confounds me," Albus grumbled as he paced from one side of the bedroom to the other. "A second time now the chamber has been opened and I still have no idea where it is, or how to close it, or even what the monster within is!"

"You said that whatever it is completely scorched the inside of the camera?" Severus asked while he thumbed through one of many books about dark magic.

"Yes," Albus sighed in frustration. "And it petrified Mr. Creevey."

"Did the camera burn entirely, or just the viewing apparatus?" Severus asked, running his finger down the page as he read a particular section.

"Only the inside of the camera was burned," Albus said, turning to watch Severus with intrigue.

"Hmph," Severus grumbled flipping the page with a clear dismissal of whatever he had been reading.

Albus went back to pacing when he saw that Severus has given up on whatever theory had been gestating. It was already three in the morning, but neither man was anywhere near tired. Albus was reliving old nightmares and fearing the death of another student, whereas Severus was experiencing his first attack on the student body and learning to cope with the fear of an unknown predator.

"Run it through your mind again," Severus pushed as he landed on another page. "Was there anything left behind with the victim?"

"Nothing the boy hadn't already been in possession of, unless of course the monster was trying to feed the boy grapes," Albus groused, clearly irritated at having nothing better to offer.

Severus flipped through his books never seeming to find the right answer, and Albus continued to pace though his footsteps did not bring him closer to an answer either. Slowly the sun rose, and the birds began to chirp again heralding in the day, and the two men abandoned their tasks. It was a time for a new day, and for old disguises to fall back into place. Severus closed his book and offered Albus a squeeze of the hand before he slipped out of the chambers and beat a hasty path to his own chambers to prepare for the day, trying to ignore the heavy and tired weight in his limbs.

* * *

"I could strangle the boy with my bare hands," Severus grumbled as he leaned awkwardly to the side and watched Albus stir the cauldron.

"Do you actually have proof that the boy is responsible," Albus asked with a slight smile on his features while he began to stir. "Mind you anything you saw while attempting to use legilimency on a frightened second year does not count."

"He was thinking too hard about what an innocent face looks like anyway," Severus grumbled while unabashedly adjusting his trousers to accommodate the uncomfortable swelling that Albus was brewing a remedy too. "Which frankly is proof enough of his guilt. Albus its three clockwise stir, and two counter clockwise stirs. You are going to ruin the potion."

"Do you wish to brew it yourself?" Albus said with a quirked brow. "I'm sure it would be quite comfortable for you to walk around the cauldron right about now."

"My… apologies," Severus said stiffly as he was forced to adjust his trousers once more in order to remain standing without wincing.

"I still think it would be quite fun if you waited to take the remedy," Albus offered lightly with a pointed look at his partner's privates.

"You might have fun, but I certainly wouldn't" Severus said with a rough laugh while he seriously considered unbuttoning his trousers even though they were in an unwarded classroom.

"Ah yes, the swelling solution does tend to illicit pain doesn't it," Albus said, his eyes not wavering from their home while he sighed. "Pity."

"I will keep your amusement in mind next time a student drenches my robes in swelling solution and I somehow idiotically allow it to seep all the way through my clothing," Severus sighed. "Oh and of course I can't forget to dole out all of the antidote _before_ I figure out that I have also been dosed."

"Oh Severus," Albus chuckled. "You really don't see any humor in this situation do you?"

"Perhaps a smidge," Severus sighed a tin smile quirking his lips as he reached out to steal ladle a bit of the antidote out of the cauldron and blow the heat from it.

Albus chuckled as he watched Severus drink the remedy and slowly allow the tension to bleed out of his frame as it clearly did what it was meant to do. It was only lunch, and the two men had an afternoon left of working ahead of them so they had to part ways. But swelling and hastily brewed remedy aside, it hadn't been an entirely bad lunch break for the pair of them.

* * *

"I realize you want to give the boy the benefit of the doubt," Severus grumbled while he pulled back the bed covers. "But during his little diversion boomslang skin and bicorn horn were stolen from my private stores. You realize that means he and his little friends are brewing Polyjuice potion."

"Are you sure that's the potion they are brewing Severus?" Albus asked as he climbed into bed. "There could be any combination of ingredients involved, which would lead to multiple different outcomes."

"The question isn't whether or not they are brewing Polyjuice, "Severus said as he slid into bed as well. "The question is how the three of them came into possession of Moste Potente Potions, which I happen to know is kept hidden away in the restricted section."

"I suppose you could ask them," Albus said as he removed his glasses and set them on the bedside table. "I'm sure with the great relationship that you and Harry have he will be more than willing to tell you."

"Very funny," Severus groused before nestling further into the covers. "There is no need, I simply asked Pince for the book, and when she told me it was checked out I inquired as to who had it and how they had gotten permission to take it from the library."

"You've got my attention," Albus said propping his head up and rolling to fully face Severus. "And her name is Irma."

"Pince, Irma, who cares honestly?" Severus said dismissively. "I do care however that Gilderoy Lockhart gave three second years permission to indefinitely check out a book full of dangerous potions."

"I will be having a word with him," Albus said, tiredly rubbing his eyes. "But until there is any proof that the students are actually brewing that potion I would say that your best course of action is too place more stringent wards on your supplies."

"I'd rather put them in a year's worth of detentions," Severus laughed before he ended the conversation altogether and gave Albus something much more enjoyable to think about.

* * *

"He's a parelmouth," Severus told his whiskey glass , his back to Albus as he leaned against the cool window pane. "Lily Potter's son has revealed yet another connection he has to the Dark Lord."

"It may not mean anything at all that the boy can speak to snakes," Albus offered quietly from behind his desk, swirling his own glass of whiskey just to see the plume of smoke it created.

"That he may have been attempting to set a snake on another student means something Albus," Severus ground out, setting his hands gripping the window ledge tightly on either side of his glass.

"It was my understanding that you thought he was trying to stop the snake," Albus pointed out thoughtfully.

"I cannot be sure," Severus sighed. "Not to mention that it appeared to be the case to most of the student body, and you know how rumors spread in this castle."

"Harry doesn't seem the type to set a snake on one of his peers," Albus offered softly.

"I'm not sure I know the boy at all," Severus sighed. "You know parseltongue is black magic don't you? What if he is practicing other dark magic as well?"

"I don't think he is, but I will look into Severus. I'll have a conversation with the boy soon." He sighed before taking a drink. "I believe I need to have a conversation with you as well unfortunately."

"Is that so?" Severus asked, angling his head away from the window so he could look at Albus.

"Yes I do," Albus sighed. "I know you do not like him, and he has been aggressive in his affections, but you cannot assault Gilderoy Lockhart."

"It wasn't assault," Severus sighed, scooping his drink up off the windowsill and sucking the last of it down. "I was demonstrating how to perform a simple disarming charm. It is a testament to his failings as a wizard that my spell was able to toss him across the room. Surely that alone must prove that he is lying in all of his books."

"Yes, he is a liar, and rather unskilled. We both know that." Albus said tiredly. "That is why I consider what you did assault. You knew he would fail to block you, and yet you still put full force behind the spell."

"Are you really going to lecture me for his inability to perform," Severus laughed dryly, pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

"I'm serious Severus," Albus said stiffly. "If you do anything of the sort again I will be forced to take disciplinary action."

"Yes headmaster," Severus said stiffly in the face of the drastic change in the conversation between them.

Silence feel between them as the two men sipped their drinks and wandered around in their own thoughts. Things were tense between them, but there wasn't much that was going to diffuse it tonight. Severus was on edge with that feeling that something was on the verge of happening, and Albus was on edge thinking about everything that had already happened.

"Do you want a shower," Albus asked finally, when the clock struck one in the morning.

"Yes," Severus said as he set his glass down on the desk, a slight shiver running through him as his eyes met those sparkling blue ones.

"Lead the way," Albus chuckled lightly, as Severus grabbed his hand and pulled the older man along with him.

* * *

Severus sat fuming in the headmaster's bedroom as the minutes ticked by making him later and later for the lesson he should be teaching. He wanted to curse Albus for not having a second exit in his chambers, and he wanted to curse Minerva for not giving any warning that she was coming up or that she was bringing the Potter brat with her. He had been paying more attention to Albus, and had hardly heard the woman's voice echo up the stairwell as she offered the password and barely registered the sound of her knocking on the door. Albus had hastily straightened his robes and hurried out of the room and left Severus sitting there fuming.

He had missed his lesson entirely by the time Albus came back into the bedroom once more and informed him that there had been another attack on both a student and a ghost. They parted ways so that Severus could return to Spinner's end for a different set of books and Albus had gone up to the infirmary to check in on the newest victims.

A darkness was settling upon the castle, and upon the two men who tried to so hard to keep it at bay. Severus was teetering on the edge of darkness as he delved into books he had made a point of not touching for years, and Albus was teetering on the edge of old memories as more and more children were falling victim to a menace while under his care.

* * *

Albus was sitting on the edge of the potion master's dress, watching his partner fail utterly at putting together the ingredients he was going to be using in his potion due to his laughter. Severus was normally a reserved man, but there was nothing reserved about the way he was laughing so fully that he had to hold onto the desk for support.

"Come now Severus," Albus chuckled. "Do you need me to brew the potion for you?"

"Oh you couldn't brew this one," Severus sighed as he tried to reel in his laughter, wiping tears from his eyes. "God if you had seen it. The know-it-all really did need to be brought down a peg, and what a perfect way for it to happen."

"Severus, that is not her name." Albus chided.

"I'm not even mad that she stole my ingredients anymore." Severus chuckled merrily, finally setting to work properly with his supplies. "I practically owe her a gift for the entertainment she has given me."

"Did she really look that bad?" Albus asked, intrigued to know what he had been unable to see. "Poppy won't let anyone in to see the girl after the way you traumatized her with your laughter."

"She's turned herself into a cat Albus. A cat!" Severus cheered, his laughter renewing at the mental picture. "How could I not laugh?"

"You've seen Minerva transfigure herself into a cat many times. Would you laugh this hard if she needed help transfiguring back?" Albus asked his curiosity plain in his voice.

"Well I might laugh a bit," Severus answered soberly. "But Hermione is not your average cat at the moment. She's still the size of a twelve year old girl. She just happens to be covered in fur, have the face and tail of a cat, and an inclination to clean her hands in a rather cat like way."

Albus chuckled for a second before he caught himself.

"Well we best remedy the situation right away," Albus said somberly.

"I will brew the potion right away," Severus said lightly. "But she will still be a cat for some time now. There is a reason no one is supposed to use animal hair with Polyjuice potion."

* * *

They were no closer to finding the culprit for the attacks on the students. Nor were they closer to discovering what the monster was that was being unleashed on the school. Severus was beginning to actually feel a bit of fear, not that he was going to let anyone know that. He was worried about what might happen if the mandrake crop didn't come out right, or if the school would be closed since they could not stop the attacks. He was afraid of the monster that seemed to be roaming the halls completely undetected. He hadn't felt this kind of fear since he had been working under the Dark Lord. Still he would not admit this to anyone.

Instead he was spending more and more time in his chambers, and pulling his occlumency shields tighter and tighter, until he couldn't remember what it was about the events of Christmas that he had found so funny. He had often been called the Dungeon Bat, but now he actually felt that he matched the description that was given of him. His temper was far too short, and his language grew steadily more abusive as his grip on it slipped through his fingers.

He spent fewer and fewer nights with Albus in his chambers, and stopped handing out invites to his own entirely. More and more of his nights were spent with a drink in one hand and another dark magic book in the other. He felt he was slipping off of that edge he had been teetering on, and now that he had successfully isolated himself it felt as if there were no one to catch him.

It was those thoughts that were stewing in his head when a loud and rapid knock sounded on the door to his chambers. He set his book aside with a light sigh, and went to see who was disturbing him. He flung the door open to reveal Albus, and for a moment acknowledged that he had missed the man more than he cared to admit, before he took in how upset his lover looked.

"What has happened?" Severus asked, sweeping to the side to allow Albus entry.

"There has been another attack," Albus said tiredly, sinking down into the nearest chair. "Miss Granger and Miss Clearwater were found petrified outside the library."

It felt like the air had been knocked from his lungs, but Severus managed to keep his feet under him, and set to pacing immediately to cover how his stance had faltered. The room stayed quite for a moment while Severus paced and Albus sunk further into his chair allowing himself a moment of weakness when it was only Severus who could see it.

"Why were they in the library today?" Severus asked finally. "Isn't it a Quidditch day?"

"The match was cancelled in light of the attack," Albus sighed so wearily that Severus took a longer look at him.

The man looked like he was on the verge of tears. It was obvious he hadn't been sleeping well, and Severus felt partially responsible for that. He stopped his pacing immediately and pulled up a chair beside his lover, taking the other man's hands in his squeezing them tightly.

"When is the last time you slept Albus?" Severus asked quietly, pulling him against his chest and rubbing his back.

"I don't know, a few days ago," Albus sighed, instinctually nuzzling closer and allowing some of the tension to seep out of his shoulders. "Why have you been avoiding me Severus? Do you hate me for being unable to stop this?"

"Don't be ludicrous," Severus chided gently. "I've been wrapped up in my research."

"You could research in my chambers, that isn't the real reason and you know it." Albus said as he fisted the silky fabric of Severus's robes in his left hand.

"I have been afraid," Severus said stiffly, uncomfortable with revealing his weakness. "I did not wish to share that."

"Did we not promise to share everything with one another?" Albus asked quietly, sounding defeat, and something within Severus broke.

He pulled the man nearly out of his chair as he hugged him tightly to his chest, and fought the urge to cry. Only the gentle rocking let Albus know that Severus was nodding in answer to the question he had asked. The two men sat like that together, holding on to one another while they sorted through all the emotions they were feeling over the most recent attack and the lengthy separation they had been suffering through as of late.

Eventually they had to break apart. Albus need to speak with Minerva about what would happen next with the school, and Severus wanted to investigate the scene of the crime. Maybe there would be something to give him a clue as to what this monster was, since his books certainly weren't helping.

He was ready to give up on books all together, so it was a bit ironic that the answer he was searching for in a book that had been left behind in the library. He wouldn't have known that it was the book Hermione Granger had been reading right before she was attacked if it weren't for the fit Irma Pince was having over the book being defiled.

He pulled it from her hands when she mentioned that a page had been torn out. He flipped through the book until he found the torn paper left behind from where the girl had torn the page out. It was page 213 that she had torn out, so he immediately flipped to the appendix and started searching for what had been on that page. It took a while since the appendix was ordered by topic not by pages number, but he eventually found it.

Basilisk.

Of course, Severus thought to himself as he handed the book back over. He immediately retreated into the stacks, searching for a book on how to deal with a Basilisk. He searched for most the rest of the evening but he didn't find much of anything, and frankly he wasn't any closer to figuring out where the damn snake was. He eventually gave up on the library and went in search of Albus.

It wasn't until then that he found out what had happened while he had been distracted in the library. Hagrid had been arrested, which was ridiculous and needed to be fixed, but it was of little consequence to Severus when he heard what else had happened. Albus had been driven out of the castle. How was that even possible?

Severus couldn't even find a reason to be in the castle when Albus gone. He wanted to leave the castle the moment that Minerva told him, but instead he cracked a joke about what Albus would look like running because it wouldn't do to reveal his relationship with the headmaster in a moment of weakness.

* * *

Severus was miserable without Albus. It was a misery that was driven to extreme heights when Gilderoy inexplicably renewed his attempt to gain his affections. Apparently he interpreted the depression Severus seemed to be suffering as a sign that he and Minerva had broken up. His nerves were already fraying, but those ridiculous advances were pushing him to the edge.

"Minerva I will give you fifty galleons if you allow me to kiss you in front of Lockhart," Severus groaned in the staffroom when it was just the two of them.

"Do I look like a prostitute today Severus?" Minerva asked coolly while she poured herself a mug of coffee.

"No Minerva," he sighed letting his head fall into his arms where they rested on the table. "One hundred galleons, and I'll only kiss your cheek. I'm not asking you to copulate with me on the staffroom table."

"It can't really be that bad Severus," she said turning to offer him the coffee she had just made and starting again.

"Would you like to know what the cretin did this afternoon as we were leaving the great hall?" Severus grumbled into his folded arms.

"What?" Minerva asked, sitting down with her own cup.

"He actually touched my backside." Severus growled. "It was pure shock that kept me from murdering him on the spot. Of all the things I might expect from the ignoramus, sexual harassment was not one of them."

"I just want more of those chocolate you found last time," Minerva said in a reserved tone. "And as long as it's somewhere that the students will not see, I will allow you to kiss me in front of Gilderoy. But I'm telling the rest of the staff what is really happening, and if you'd like I could pursue disciplinary action against Gilderoy as I am now the acting headmistress."

"I'd much rather kill him with my own hands," Severus sighed. "I'd rather not add insult to injury and share with the world that the bastard had any sort of effect on me."

"If you're sure Severus," Minerva said, sounding entirely unsure of the choice. "You know you don't have to let anyone treat you poorly don't you Severus?"

"Oh please," Severus scoffed, baulking under the strange caring gaze she gave him and standing to sweep from the room. "I'll have the chocolate by tomorrow."

* * *

Leaving for the chocolates was as good a story as any for leaving the castle. He really did need Minerva's helping getting Gilderoy off his back once and for all, but the real reason he wanted to leave the castle was because he knew where Albus was hiding.

Severus had laughed for the first time since he saw Miss Granger as a cat when he read in a letter that Albus was indeed hiding in the last place anyone would think to look for him. Spinner's End. It was funny in more ways than once. So Severus purchased a box of chocolates for Minerva, but he also purchased a bag of fizzing whizbees for Albus and retreated to his home for a bit of much needed TLC.

Spinner's End wasn't nearly as dreary with Albus there to brighten it, and kissing Albus while he was levitating from the candy he had just eaten was far more entertaining than talk of what was going on at school. They did need to talk about what was happening at the school as things were getting ridiculous, but Severus needed a break. He also needed a bit of laughter, and Albus was very good at making him laugh.

* * *

The kiss between Severus and Minerva never happened, and there might have been a bit of relief for either of them, except that an escalation in the attack on the students took the air out of the room.

There had been a terrifying moment for Severus when he had been gathering his house and explaining to them that school was closing and they needed to pack their things, that his hand had burned with pain, and suddenly the blackness had returned. He fled from the common room, watching in horror as each vein turned black, and he began to feel weak. He had no idea where to find the boy, or how to know what danger he was in. He'd ended up in an abandoned classroom, holding on to a desk as the world spun around him until suddenly everything had cleared up one more and apparently Harry Potter was no longer in any danger.

Severus got his Albus back, but at the cost of several students nearly dying. The castle was free of a basilisk, all of the students were alive and unpetrified, and Gilderoy Lockhart did not even know his name let alone that he had apparently fallen in love with Severus Snape.

The world had righted itself once more. And it was with a much lighter heart than the previous year that the two men began their pilgrimage to their island. They had much to laugh about this summer between students turning themselves into cats, and Severus paying staff members to pretend to date him. Albus let go of the weight that had settled on his shoulders when his legs were cut out from under him by his inability to protect his students and Severus soaked up the warmth of Albus's love and allowed it to chase all of the fear that had grown in his heart away.

It was only two weeks, just like it always had been and always would be, but it worked the magic that it needed too. When the two men returned to England once more they were light on their feet, and Albus at least allowed the glimmer of happiness to show in his eyes. It was a little more difficult to spot the happiness in Severus, but it was there.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Songs for this chapter: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New and Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons**_

* * *

Severus had already received, and efficiently banished, three floo calls from Albus. Certainly Albus wanted to ask how he was doing, but that was not a question Severus was prepared to answer as he paced rapidly from one side of his pathetically drab living room to the other. No, he couldn't even begin to find words for the travesty that was the escape of Sirius Black from Azkaban. The man responsible for handing Lily Potter over to the Dark Lord was roaming free once more, and there were so many emotions coursing through Severus that he was in real danger of simple exploding.

Albus made Several more attempts to ring through the fire place before Severus rather abruptly pulled his house of the floo network and went back to his stewing. He was angry, afraid, sad, crazed. He was so many things that he still struggled to define everything that was slipping through his neatly constructed mental shields, and as the night wore on he because something else, incredibly drunk.

By the time Albus had grown fed up and arrived at the house in Spinner's End uninvited, it was to find the sight of his lover slumped over in a terribly uncomfortable pose that had his face and knees on the ground, and his arse up in the air, completely passed out. He could smell the liquor the moment he entered the room, and when he pulled the essentially comatose man into his arms, he felt as if he had been blasted in the face with fire whiskey.

"Oh Severus," he said sadly as he cast a lightening charm on the man so he could easily pick him up off of the floor and carry him up the stairs to the tiny bedroom he stayed in when he was living in this house.

He settled Severus into bed, reversing the lightening charm, and began to pull of his clothing until Severus was left in just his boxer shorts. He pulled the blankets over his unconscious lover, and went back downstairs to clean up the mess that had been made. It seemed at some point during the night Severus has made a sport of throwing his whiskey tumblers into the fireplace to shatter.

* * *

"I do not think he is coming after Harry Potter," Severus said blearily from behind his second cup of coffee after yet another night with far too little sleep.

"The minister said he was muttering 'he's at Hogwarts' in his sleep," Albus explained again while scrambling eggs in the tiny Kitchen of Spinner's End.

"I understand that, I just think he has to be talking about someone else," Severus continued petulantly. "Any time that Harry Potter has been in imminent danger my vow has been triggered, but there has been no such trigger this summer."

"It has been when he has been in imminent danger, this for the moment is a more obscure danger," Albus said patiently.

"The boy ran away from home while a madman is supposedly hunting him down, how much more imminent can the danger get?" Severus asked as he reached for the coffee pot to refill his cup once more.

"You're going to give yourself an ulcer," Albus huffed, grabbing the coffee mug from his lover's hand and handing him a plate of eggs instead. "Why don't I pour you a glass of milk?"

"You're doting," Severus said with a soft smile before his paranoia kicked in and his smile turned to a sneer while he reached for the newly produced glass of milk. "Why are you doting?"

"Can't I just take care of you?" Albus ask, but he didn't sell the bluff, his voice was just strained enough to confirm that there was a reason for his overt kindness.

"Spill it," Severus barked, not wanting to have to wheedle it out of him.

"I've hired this year's defense professor," Albus said carefully.

"Oh honestly Albus, I already know you aren't giving it to me," Severus sighed, returning his attention to his eggs. "You don't think I am still going to get angry about it after all these years."

"You haven't heard who I hired yet," Albus said quietly, taking his seat across the table from Severus.

"Who is it?" Severus asked, his hackles rising once more.

"There was only applicant," Albus said hesitantly. "He is a good candidate regardless."

"Who is it?" Severus pushed his patience pleading away rapidly.

"Remus Lupin." Albus said in a rush.

Milk spilled across the table as Severus threw himself back from the table and up onto his feet. He paced from once side of the kitchen to the other holding his breath before he turned on Albus his rage burning in his eyes.

"I quit," he bellowed, turning to storm out of the room before he gasped in pain and reached for his wrist. "Oh Bugger it all."

Albus rushed to his side and grabbed his right arm, pulling his sleeve up to reveal that the flesh had instantly become irritated and the veins were rapidly turning black. Albus ran his fingers lightly over the raised black lines, wishing he could will them away.

"Well obviously I am residing my resignation," Severus bit out with his teeth clenched. "I do find it convenient that Lupin would seek out the post at the same time that Black appears to be going after a resident of the castle."

"Come now Severus," Albus chided. "Remus and Severus have not spoken in years."

"I swear to Merlin Albus if he comes within a foot of me I will kill him." Severus snarled.

"Please Severus can't you let go of that childhood grudge?" the old man said softly.

"Childhood grudge?" Severus scathed as he jerked his rapidly normalizing arm back. "He nearly killed me!"

"He wasn't in his right mind. Remus Lupin the man would never harm anyone," Albus continued quietly.

Severus went silent and as rigid as a board. It had been so easy to forget which side of this argument Albus fell on, and all the years that had passed didn't matter when he thought of how easily the headmaster had looked the other way while the golden Gryffindors had attempted murder on him.

"I think you should leave," he said in a silky controlled voice that sent shivers down Albus's spine.

"As the headmaster I must first ascertain that you, as the potions master, will be brewing his Wolfsbane potion," Albus said awkwardly.

"As you wish sir," Severus said as he jerked his arm free of Albus's hold and gave him a stiff bow. "Now kindly leave my home."

Severus didn't wait to watch him leave. Instead he swept out of the room, and slammed the stairway door behind him as he beat a hasty retreat. Albus hadn't seen this angry and frigid Severus in nearly a decade, and he wasn't quite sure how to fix the situation now that the angry beast had been awoken.

* * *

"I understand that you and the headmaster have obtained permission for a thirteen year old girl to use a time turner," Severus said with a bit of humor in his voice as he leaned against the wall in the staffroom. "Do you think it wise to put the fabric of time in the hands of a pubescent child?"

"This is Hermione Granger we are speaking of Severus, she doesn't truly fit the mold does she?" Minerva pointed out while she made herself a cup of tea. "Though color me surprised that the ministry actually approved it. I honestly did not believe they would."

"Well the ministry is just overflowing with intelligent workers," Severus laughed, though the laughter died on his lips when Albus swept into the room.

The two men hadn't spoken since that night in his kitchen, and Severus wasn't entirely sure of where they stood. He watched Albus for some sign, but all he saw was that the man looked tired, and was looking anywhere but at him.

"Let's all grab out seats," Albus instructed quietly, taking a seat at the head of the table and plastering a smile on his face. "It's time to bicker about time tables."

"Shouldn't we wait for all of the staff to be present?" Filius asked as he slid into his chair. "Whoever is filling the Defense post isn't here."

"Unfortunately Remus has been held up, and will be arriving tomorrow with the students." Albus said dismissively. "I will be arguing on his behalf for today."

Severus saw a flicker of something in his eyes, and he realized after a moment that it had been fear. It occurred to him as he pulled out last years' time table as a reference that perhaps Albus was expecting another explosion from him. He didn't know how he should feel about that, nor did he know what he should expect. After nearly a month with no contact neither man was sure of their footing.

"I happen to know that our newest professor would prefer to split each year by two, giving him a total of fourteen lessons," Albus began. "He does not have preference to how the classes are split, so does anyone object to splitting them all in the same manner as our last Defense professor did?"

"Gryffindor with Slytherin and Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff?" Filius asked from where he was looking through his own time table.

"Yes," Albus answered quietly, still seeming subdued though none of the staff seemed to be taking notice other than Severus.

There was a gentle murmur of agreement as the terms for Lupin were met, and the debate as to when each lesson would fall ensued. Severus did not fight for anything other than putting his lessons with the third year Gryffindor class in the afternoons, he had learned over time that Neville Longbottom performed better if he had a day of lessons to warm up with, and was thus less likely to kill them all. Even that he had been willing to concede when it seemed to conflict with where Albus wanted to put Defense Against the Dark Arts. The older man had yielded almost instantly though, and Severus had gotten his wish without really trying.

With agreements made on Hogsmeade weekends and student time tables created the meeting was released and staff members began to filter out of the room. Severus and Albus remained seated, clearly both of them were waiting for the other to speak first, but at least they were ready to talk. They sat in silence for a few minutes, gathering their wits and assuring that they were alone.

"Severus," Albus spoke into the silence, but then he seemed unable to find any words to follow the first.

"Yes Albus?" Severus replied quietly, his face blank of expression.

"I am not the great wizard that defeated Grindewald. I am not the wise man who alone is able to drive fear into the heart of Tom Riddle. I am not a genius. I am not infallible." Albus spoke quietly, his eyes beseeching Severus. "I am human, and I make mistakes."

The two of them teetered on the edge of two possible futures, each spreading out before them and completely dependent on what choice Severus would make. The dark haired man drew a deep breath, and slowly the blank mask slipped away like cloth being pulled away in a stream. In its place was the raw emotion of Severus Snape, broadcasting to the world how he felt about Albus Dumbledore.

"You are better than you know," Severus responded softly, a deep ice melting out of his eyes as he let the last of his defenses slip away. "It is for you humanity that I love you."

Albus let out a shaky breath at the words. He would need several hands to count the time that had passed since the last time Severus had allowed himself to say those words out loud. Each time Albus heard them he was simultaneously reminded of how much he needed them, and how much he treasured them for their rarity.

"And I love you," Albus whispered back, his voice catching in his throat and coming out strangled. "I'm sorry for what has happened."

"I forgive you," Severus relented, his shoulders relaxing as the last of his tension was released. "I hope you can forgive me for—"

"You've done nothing that needs forgiving," Albus cut him off. "The fault was entirely mine. I just want to move forward from this. I don't want to spend another night alone."

"Neither do I," Severus said quietly. "Sleep is hard to come by in a cold bed."

"Yes it is," Albus smiled softly as he rose from his seat. "Do you care to join me for a cup of tea?"

"Always," Severus agreed easily as he stood from his seat as well.

* * *

Severus was supposed to have met Albus in his chambers twenty minutes ago, and yet Albus was pacing back and forth in the dungeon sitting room all by his lonesome. His lover had been on an outing into the forbidden forest to collect potions ingredients under the full moon, and Albus had not worried about him. Bu Severus was never late, and now the headmaster was beginning to worry.

Instinctively Albus reached out with his magic to sense the wards on the school. As the headmaster he had certain powers of observation, but it took a deep familiarity with a person to be able to sense where they were on the grounds. Albus was only able ever to nail down the location of his dear friend Minerva, and his even dearer lover Severus. He stood stock still in the center of the dungeon, probing the wards with his mind until he felt him.

It took a moment, but then he found him. Severus had made it safely out of the forest and appeared to have already crossed the school grounds. Albus breathed a sigh of relief when he felt Severus enter the castle, and allowed himself to sink tiredly into an arm chair. In the time it took Severus to make it to the dungeon Albus had convinced himself he was an idiot for having worried so.

The appearance of Severus in the doorway of his chambers reaffirmed the need for worry. Severus looked like a ghost. He was so pale it was as if he were transparent. It was easy to see that he was shaking, and Albus thought he might have tear tracks on his face. Albus opened his mouth to ask what had happened, but Severus held up his hand and shook his head as his eyes drifted closed.

"Chocolate," he said hoarsely as he stepped the rest of the way into the room and allowed the door to fall closed behind him.

It was then that Albus noticed that Severus didn't have his basket of potion ingredients, and as he stepped closer he saw that the man's skin was covered in goose bumps. Albus felt rage rise up within him as he realized that the dementors had attacked his lover even though they were sworn only to go after Sirius Black. He attempted to reign in his temper while he started searching the kitchen cabinets for chocolate.

"Sit closer to the fire," Albus instructed softly when he saw Severus sitting on the edge of the sofa trembling so badly it looked like he might be having a seizure.

Severus complied, and Albus hurried over to him with the half a bar of Honeydukes chocolate he had found in a well hidden bowl of sweets. Severus rarely indulged his sweet tooth, but Albus was happy to note that he had great taste when he did indeed enjoy a bit of candy. He handed over the chocolate and Severus took hold as if he were being offered a life boat in the middle of a turning sea.

"What did you see?" Albus asked quietly as the color slowly began to return to his lover's face.

"The worst of the revels," Severus said, his voice still hoarse, as he lay his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "I became so disoriented that I was temporarily lost in the forest."

"I do not understand," Albus said, some of the anger becoming apparent in his voice. "First they attack the students on the train, and now they are going after my staff members. What do they hope to accomplish other than igniting my fury?"

"I do not think they are being intellectual about the choice at all." Severus said in a quiet almost sing song voice as the tension bled out of him. "We have asked starving men to stand beside a buffet and never to eat. It is impossible."

* * *

"I do not wish to rekindle an old argument, but I do wish to point out that had I been the one to publicly humiliate a staff member, and then make a show of it every night while enjoying tea in the staffroom I would be heavily reprimanded and possibly receive a dock in my pay," Severus said frostily, images of himself in a dress flitting through his head yet again.

"Severus, are you truly humiliated?" Albus asked from behind his glass of milk. "Do you wish me to have a conversation with Remus?"

"Do whatever you wish," Severus grumbled as he turned away from his favorite window in the headmaster's office. "I have a potion to brew for the hairy little mongrel, so I shall be on my way."

"Will you return?" Albus asked quietly, never sure of his footing when they were fighting over Remus.

"No," Severus said quietly. "I need to be nearby while the potion simmers overnight. You are however more than welcome to join me in my chambers."

"I shall be down shortly," Albus said, the smile easily heard in his voice.

* * *

"That suggests that what you fear most of all is - fear. Very wise, Harry." Severus sneered as he poked listlessly at the fire in his quarters. "What a stupid ninny."

"Is it not wise?" Albus asked, his voice filled with amusement.

"No, it's simply a sign that the boy does not know himself at all," Severus scoffed. "If he did he would know that what he is actually afraid of is losing those that he cares about it. Or did you think I didn't know that the dementors make him relieve the death of his parents?"

"You're rather grumpy tonight," Albus mused while he searched for the perfect lemon drop. "Rough day?"

"Any day that I have to deal with both Lupin and Potter is a rough day," Severus chuckled before replacing the fire poker to its home and turning to face Albus. "Of course in reality I am actually just tired. Are you ready for bed yet?"

"I am not remotely tired," the headmaster admitted. "Though I could be convinced to join you if only for the comfort of a warm bed and the sight of you in your skivvies."

"You are incorrigible," Severus laughed as he stood from his seat. "Come on then."

* * *

"It was highly inappropriate for you to insinuate that Remus had helped Sirius gain entrance to the castle in front of a student Severus," Albus groused as he stalked from one side of his office to the other. "It is one thing if you wish to rekindle this fight with me, but you absolutely will not do it in public."

"I do not want a fight," Severus said quietly, his head bowed in respect. "You may not remember it as well as I, but all of the marauders were quite adept at traveling about the castle. I do worry that Lupin may be helping Black to do it once more."

"If it is a case of knowledge Black may simply be doing it on his own!" Albus snapped, his hand slamming down on the desk in his frustration. "Why are you so hell bent on bringing Remus down in this?"

"I do not trust him," Severus spoke each word calmly and clearly as if he were explaining a potion to a first year. "I cannot understand why you have placed such trust in him."

"He is one of my own Severus, I could never turn him way," the headmaster said stiffly. "I love you, but I cannot continue to have this fight with you."

"I said I do not want to fight," Severus said, his voice growing silky as he pushed his anger down deep. "Just keep your eyes open, something is not as it seems."

And without further ado Severus swept out of the room without so much as a goodbye, and Albus was angry enough that he didn't call out after him. The two men had fought more in the first two months of this term than they had in their entire relationship, and neither of them were sure what was in store for them anymore.

* * *

Severus was sitting alone in his chambers, actually feeling a bit guilty for what he had done when forced to fill in for Lupin in class today. Any joy at finally being allowed to teach a defense lesson had been sapped away the moment he had stepped into the classroom and it had been absolutely drowning in the feel of Remus Lupin. Everywhere he looked was another reminder of the marauder and it had been frustration that had caused him to set the essay on werewolves. Most students wouldn't even learn anything, let alone begin to suspect, but little Hermione Granger had already shown tale tell lines of worry around her eyes and it was only a matter of time before the girl was sure.

A knock came at the door, and Severus seriously considered not answering it. He was tired, and feeling rather awful over what he had done, the last thing he wanted to submit to was a lecture from Albus for such an act. He took a deep breath, stealing himself to open the door, and he was interrupted by another knock.

"I know you are home," came Albus's voice softly through the door, it didn't sound angry but there could be someone in the corridor observing him. "I would appreciate it if you would let me in."

Severus stifled a sigh and swept his arm through the air, silently beckoning the door open. Albus swept in immediately, pushing the door closed quickly, and Severus noted that he still did not look entirely angry.

"Good evening," Severus said softly, a silent invitation for Albus to get on with the tongue lashing so it would be done.

"I thought you would come up tonight," Albus offered with a shrug as he made his way over to the liquor cabinet and began to pour them each a couple fingers of an old muggle scotch he had bought for Severus years ago. "I grew impatient waiting, and decided to join you instead."

"I was not eager for trouble this evening," Severus said quietly, as he accepted the glass offered to him.

"It is not trouble I bring you," Albus said with a soft smile as he took up residence in the seat across from his lover. "What's done is done, and it has been taken out of my hands now anyway."

"What do you mean?" Severus asked swiftly.

"The essay has been set, and there is one student guaranteed to figure it out. Whether or not she spills the beans and topples the pot of beans in not in my hands," Albus said serenely. "You wanted me to choose between you and him, well I have chosen. Should word get out I will not fight the school board when they ask me to terminate Remus Lupin."

"Albus…. I did not mean…" Severus said, his eyes darting from his glass to those sparkling blue eyes. "I was angry… it was a stupid choice."

"What's done is done," Albus said, still remaining calm and managing to unnerve Severus. "You may have only realized it subconsciously, but you needed reassurance. So I am here to give it to you. Severus I will always give you whatever you need from me. I know it has been a rough year, but I do love you dearly."

"Albus," Severus groaned so much pain and frustration bleeding out of him in that simple word. "It scares me how badly I need you."

"Fear not Severus, I shall never leave you," Albus beamed before raising his glass in the other man's direction before downing the lot of it. "And I do believe there was something else you needed was there not?"

Severus smirked darkly before tossing back the entirety of his drink and discarding his glass to instead take the soft yet strong hand of Albus Dumbledore into his. For tonight at least the fight was off, and Severus had every intention of keeping Albus in his bedroom for as long as he was allowed to.

* * *

The weather was awful, so the bone deep cold snuck on Severus in a way that kept him from realizing what was happening in time to get any proper defenses in place. By the time he added together the meaning of his chattering teeth, clammy skin, and rapidly souring mood the sound of his own screaming had erupted in his ears and he could hardly think straight. He fought to tighten his mental shields around him like a blanket, but they wavered on him when he was hit with a fierce pain that was far to strong to be just a memory.

"Albus," he ground out through clenched teeth as he bared his rapidly inflaming hand for the man to see; he could hardly focus on it himself as his vision flickered with the force of his occlumency shields attempting to protect him from the onslaught if his mind. "If they're close enough to box my hearing I imagine it a matter of moments before Potter loses consciousness."

Severus watched through pinhole vision as Albus strode out onto the pitch and rescued the falling boy. It was all he could do to hold his seat on the bench beneath him with his lovers patronus sent the dementors fleeing, their path taking them right over his head and pitching the sound of a woman begging for mercy so loud in his ears he thought his ear drums may have burst.

There was pandemonium in the stands as they emptied in response to the ending of the match and the near death of Harry Potter, but Severus remained in his seat, holding onto the edge for support and not for the first time wishing his patronus took a different form so he could cast it in front of another wizard and save himself the trouble that came with dementors.

It was a long time before the stands had emptied entirely, and even long before Severus managed to pull himself to his feet. Between the cold of the dementors and the wetness of the weather he felt entirely inhuman. He stood awkwardly and rather ridged in front of his seat for a long time before the act of putting one foot in front of the other came back to him and he began to slink back to his dungeon chambers.

He was barely able to conceal the sigh of relief that broke from his chest when he saw that there was already a roaring fire in his chambers, and a steaming mug of hot chocolate sitting next to a fluffy towel on the hearth. He crossed to it immediately and discovered there was also a note informing him that Albus was in a meeting with the minister but would return to him shortly. The post script made him laugh when he saw that his partner expected him to have taken a warm shower and dressed in warm dry clothing before his return.

* * *

Albus had never found himself quite so annoyed to receive a visit from the minster of magic. He was just really beginning to mend hurt feelings with Severus, and now he was forced to banish him from his side lest they reveal their relationship to the strikingly observant man. It was not to say that Cornelius was observant in everyday life, but the man could spot a relationship before the two people engaging in it seemed to know how far along they were. If you wanted to know which couple was likely about to become engaged, he was the man to ask, as he always knew before the blushing soon to be bride did.

The whole thing had put them both into a foul mood, and then Christmas had come, and that damned crack had unleashed a hat that reminded Severus of the boggart incident, and even though they had been doing so well with the stress on their relationship, the fire erupted once more. Granted the fire had been cool burning as there were eyes watching them, but Albus had felt the heat that was present in the subtle tightening of his lover's lips and the somewhat harsh pushing of the hat out of his personal space.

That heat turned cold when he found himself alone in his chambers for the evening. He thought perhaps that Severus was just being stubborn and refusing to answer his floo calls, but when he finally went down to the dungeon he discovered that Severus had left the premises entirely. There was no note about where he was or when he would be back, clearly he did not want to speak with Albus tonight.

"It's Christmas," Albus sighed into the empty space, and then before he could think better of it, he went and climbed into Severus's bed instead of his own.

It was quite early in the morning when Albus was jostled awake by a very cold Severus climbing tiredly into the bed. Albus turned bleary eyes on him and saw that the man had clearly had another encounter with the dementors if his coloring meant anything, but he looked surprisingly cheerful considering.

"Where have you been?" Albus asked, his voice husky with sleep.

"I went out, trying to figure out where a mad man might be hiding, and how he might have access to enough money to buy a blasted firebolt," Severus said tiredly. "I received no answer to that, but I did discover where the dementors go when they don't stand guard at the gate. Also I found the real answer to why business is so bad in Hogsmeade."

"Why is that?" Albus asked, feeling himself relax more at the realization that Severus was not angry at him.

"There is a hive of them in the edge of the forest," Severus said as he slid under the blankets and snuggled up to Albus who smiled at his chocolate scented breath. "And they apparently have a penchant for floating over homes while families are sleeping. I imagine it's difficult to get excited about shopping when the entire family is slipping into an unexplainable depression."

"We should do something," Albus offered in a voice that wasn't at all enthusiastic thought that had more to do with the early hour than a lack of charity.

"I've spent the last hours or so walking my patronus around the village," Severus offered tiredly as he snuggled his face against a white beard and let his eyes drift closed contentedly.

"That was very nice of you Severus," Albus smiled, pulling his lover tighter.

"Mmm, it's Christmas," Severus offered as explanation before he sunk a little deeper into the mattress and let his breathing even out as he began to let go of consciousness.

"Indeed," Albus smiled.

* * *

"What was it you said we were making?" Severus asked while he began setting out the ingredients Albus had brought with him with a quirked brow.

"Pan seared scallops on fennel puree with honey balsamic drizzle," Albus mused while he tilted the balsamic vinegar bottle on its side and watched a bit of it try to drip out of the spout before tilting it back.

"Albus, you do realize that being a potions master does not somehow make me a master chef." Severus chuckled while he looked at the fennel like it had committed some sort of crime.

"Oh who cares if it turns out, it will be fun," Albus chuckled. "Well actually I'm quite hungry, so I do care if it is at least edible."

Despite what he said, Severus found that he was actually inclined to cooking. Chopping fennel and pureeing it with leeks was quite a bit like brewing a potion. The only real difference that he found was the same reason that he thought he might like cooking more than potion brewing. That difference was that he could feed ingredients to Albus between adding them to the pan, and his fingers occasional brushed against his lovers while they worked together at the counter.

Perhaps they could brew potions together, but there wasn't much romance in putting together a pain killer. Now using his finger to coax Albus into tasting the honey balsamic drizzle, well that was another story entirely.

* * *

Their first meal hadn't actually tasted that great, but each attempt the food got a little better, and they certainly had more fun with it as they both learned their way around the kitchen better. Each meal had some highfalutin name, and looked equally as ridiculous, but they enjoyed spending their evenings together in the kitchen creating something together that had nothing to do with the insanity of the outside world.

Surprisingly it was Severus that took to cooking sweets, and Albus was more inclined to the savory. Severus felt that by far the best meal he had ever eaten was the Lobster Fra Diablo that he had mostly just watched Albus cook while sneaking sips from the wine bottle. Perhaps the taste was remembered as being so good because Severus had gotten very lucky despite the fact that he had been approximately six sheets to the wind by the end of the evening.

Severus decided that after the two of them watched Gryffindor play against Ravenclaw he would make Albus a Dobos Tort. He thought it sounded particularly good after watching his idiot of a godson attempt to terrify the idiot who lived. He'd made it as far as whipping up the chocolate buttercream before he became distracted from his task.

"You've ruined cooking for me Albus," Severus said as he turned away from the counter to face Albus where he was checking the over temperature.

"How is that?" Albus asked with a smirk as he turned his back on the oven.

"I cannot seem to make it through a recipe without being over taken by the urge to see feed it to you," Severus laughed as he scooped a dollop of frosting onto his finger and offered it up to Albus, who gladly sucked it from his finger causing Severus to groan. "Good god man, it's already to the point that I get aroused picking out recipes. What have you done to me?"

Albus didn't bother answering the question, he simply turned off the oven and stole the bowl of frosting before grabbing the younger man's sleeve and pulling him off to the bedroom.

* * *

The night had been going quite well, until Severus was startled awake by the sound of someone triggering his wards. He shuffled groggily to his door, and was surprised to see a rather stressed Minerva pacing back and forth in the corridor.

"What is it Minerva," he asked, waking up a bit more at the sight of her.

"I cannot find Albus, and Sirius Black had broken into the castle again," Minerva fired off, her power seeming to crackle in the hall around her as her emotions started to slip from her control. "He attempted an attack on a student."

"Harry Potter?" Severus asked as his hands went instinctively to his wrist as he wondered why he had not been awoken.

"No he went after Ronald Weasley," she explained, not seeming to believe it herself. "I need you to join the search of the castle. I am headed up to see if Albus perhaps slept through my floo call."

"I understand that he left the castle earlier this evening for a personal errand," Albus lied smoothly to keep hidden the fact that Albus was currently awaiting his return in the bedroom. "He was expecting to get back in the early morning hours, but I will send a message ahead to meet him."

"Thank you Severus," Minerva said as she backed away from the door. "I will start on the other side of the dungeons and we'll meet in the middle."

"Of course," he said with a quick nod. "Allow me to just change out of my bedroom wear."

Minerva nodded and turned to walk away. Severus quickly swung the door shut, perhaps with a little too much force as his temper got the better of him. He was torn between anger that Black had made it far enough to stage an attack on a student, and shock that he had once again gotten into the castle. He was wondering where exactly Lupin was as he stormed back into the bedroom.

"Bugger it all!" he snapped as he entered the room, though he was relieved to see that Albus was already dressing. "I take it you heard."

"Yes," he said stiffly as he pulled on his outer robes. "I need to go 'arrive' on the grounds. Perhaps I will start my search by questioning the guards on how exactly Sirius Black managed to enter the grounds again."

* * *

"Do you remember me telling you that I was fairly certain the marauders had a way of knowing the way around the castle?" Severus said in a forced conversational tone.

"Yes," Albus said cautiously, looking up from the evening paper he had been reading.

"I'm rather certain that it is some sort of map. Just as I am quite sure I held it in my hands today, though I was unable to read it." Severus said, pushing out a laugh in an effort not to feel just how angry he actually was. "And the fact that Lupin swept in from Merlin knows where to scoop the map up only proves my point. Though I am not sure where Potter got it from as Lupin seemed so surprised that the boy had it."

"And what exactly precipitated this… conversation," Albus asked, setting the paper aside on the desk.

"The brat snuck off to Hogsmeade today. Wearing his cloak of course," Severus said with a quirked brow pointed at Albus. "And he accosted Mr. Malfoy, who reported directly to me."

"So you tracked down Mr. Potter to investigate what had happened?" Albus asked sweetly, though his blue eyes showed that he was not amused.

"I found him with pockets full of trinkets from the village and butterbeer on his breath," Severus said as if he were giving the weather report. "He swore he hadn't been to the village, and then Lupin rescued him from the dreaded dungeon bat and that was the end of that."

"I will certainly look into the existence of a castle map," Albus said before picking up his paper once more. "Perhaps you can look in to what you would like to make with me for dinner tomorrow."

Severus understood the dismissal in the sentence and swept out of the room. Perhaps he had been a little too eager to punish Potter. The favoritism to Draco had come up on more than one occasion, though Severus just as readily pointed out the same issue with Potter and the argument usually ended right there.

* * *

"Blast!" Severus griped tossing his green and silver scarf on the headmasters desk. "Potter is going to be absolutely horrid to be around now!"

"Oh come now Severus," Albus laughed as he removed his cloak. "It is not so bad that Gryffindor won the quidditch cup this year. I dare say today was the greatest moment of Oliver Wood's time here at Hogwarts."

"Well if that boy doesn't go on to play quidditch I will eat my hat," Severus chuckled as he made his way over to the tea service. "I'll have to go by and speak to my house later tonight. They are sure to be sulking at the moment, and I will need to put a stop to that."

"I tremble to think what would happen if Minerva were to find out how good you are with our students." Albus said softly, but with humor in his voice. "I imagine she would have a heart attack upon the realization that you actually care for them."

"I do not care for them," Severus lied smoothly as he set the pot to boil with a flick of his wand. "I merely care how their actions reflect upon my reputation as their head of house."

"Yes of course Severus," Albus shook him off easily as he dug through his candy drawer for one of his favorite muggle candies. "Pop rocks?"

Severus chuckled when he saw Albus waving around the little packet of candy like a treasure map a happy gleam in his eyes. Severus often indulged Albus in his candies, but he found the pop rocks to be the most amusing. Why the muggles had chosen to put a sucker in the package that was shaped like a human foot was beyond him. Perhaps the candy maker had a secret, or now not so secret, foot fetish?

"I think I will pass today," Severus said as he began pouring the hot tea. "I find I am not that interested in licking a foot this evening."

"Even if said foot tastes like a strawberry explosion of deliciousness in your mouth?" Albus asked, seeming to genuinely care about the answer.

"Even then," Severus chuckled as he placed a cup of tea on the desk in front of the headmaster. "I admit I am interested to see your face when you combine the taste of strawberry candy and earl gray tea."

"Should be delightful," Albus said, though his face quirked in a way that suggested he was considering waiting to eat the candy later.

* * *

"I'm going to be spending the evening with Hagrid," Albus said groggily as he sat up in bed, tiredly tracking Severus's movement as he moved about the room dressing for the day. "The ministry has picked tonight as the execution date for his hippogriff."

"Very well," Severus said distractedly, seeming at a loss as to where one of his socks had gone. "I will be finishing the final stage in the wolfsbane potion for Lupin tonight anyway. I need to get his potion to him before the full moon actually hits."

The innocent little moment seemed to loop in Severus's mind as he stood in an empty office, holding a smoking goblet and staring at the piece of parchment that was finally revealing all of its secrets to him. As he watched that little dot labeled as Remus Lupin dart off through the old whomping willow tunnel he felt a tether to something snap within him. The sound of the goblet slamming down on the desk brought him partially back to reality, but not enough to stop the decision to follow the man.

It wasn't until he reached the entrance nestled into the base of the tree that his heart began to beat rapidly in his chest. He spied the invisibility cloak lying in a heap on the ground, and he realized with a sick flopping in his stomach that Harry Potter was in the shrieking shack with a werewolf that had not taken his potion and was a mere hour away from transformation. Instinctively he pulled up his sleeve to check his wrist, though he felt no irritation. The skin was clear, which he found more alarming than if it hadn't been. How could Potter not be in danger right now? Was it actually possible that the boy was doing something that somehow upheld he vow to keep the Dark Lord from returning to power? Surely that was the only reason the vow was not being triggered when he was in mortal danger.

Severus tried to focus his mind as he threw the cloak on and nimbly made his way through the entrance while avoiding any injury from the tree. He moved swiftly through the passageway taking care to be absolutely silent both to conceal his presence as well as to give himself the advantage of knowing when he neared the entrance to the house. _I've never made it this far in_ he mused to himself as he slid into the destroyed living room.

It was easy to see the path cut through the years of dust that had accumulated, but he wouldn't have needed it considering how loud the people upstairs were being. His heart crashed around in his chest when he realized that he recognized the voice of Sirius Black. He began to creep up the stairs, unsure of if they heard his approach as his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears. He was vaguely aware that he seemed to be shaking as years of repressed rage broke free within his chest. This was his moment. He would finally have his revenge upon the marauders for everything they had done to him.

His senses seemed to momentarily leave him as he revealed himself in the doorway and all of the eyes in the room turned to look at him. He tore his gaze from those far too familiar green eyes, but when his landed upon the sunken half crazed eyes of Sirius Black the last of his sanity fled from him. He knew he must be a terrifying sight for the students to see as he unraveled but he could no more stop it than he could stop the earth from turning.

This was the moment; he would finally be free of them. They would both go to Azkaban for this For good this time. He seemed to be watching from somewhere other than his body as he cast the spell that bound Lupin. It was for everyone's safety he told himself, but then Black stepped forward.

"Give me a reason," he heard his voice whisper though he hadn't made the choice to speak. "Give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will."

Both men knew he meant it. As they glared with all the hatred only years of torture could gestate Severus could feel the last of his senses leaving him. He could feel that he was speaking, but he no longer heard the words coming from his mouth. His life seemed to be coming to him in bright flashes that did not fit together cohesively. Granger crying. Black speaking. Sparks shooting from his own wand without permission. His hand convulsing around the ropes that bound his fellow professor. Potter shouting. Three wands turning on him. And then for a moment he was flying before his head hit the wall with a sickening crack and then there was nothing but blackness.

* * *

The next time Severus opened his eyes he felt a bit more sane, but the world around him had gone to hell. He opened his eyes to discover himself in a heap on the ground, his wand discarded beside him, and absolute bedlam breaking out above him. A man he hadn't seen in years was rapidly shrinking to the size of a rat while Remus Lupin transformed before them. Severus grabbed his wand and backed up, putting a bit of distance between him and the soon to be fully formed werewolf. He noted distantly that his wrist was burning at about the same time that he realized how close the students were too Lupin.

He threw himself forward, pushing the three Gryffndors behind him as Lupin turned on them. Through the terrifying fear that overtook him to be face to face with a werewolf once more he felt the burning sensation that told him he would see black veins climbing up his arm if he were too look at it. He realized then as he backed the students up a bit to try and keep them all safe that perhaps the choice he should have made was to follow Peter Pettigrew, but it was too late now, he was committed to trying to get them all out of this alive.

Lupin lunged and the same time that the black dog Severus now knew to be Sirius Black flew in between them and engaged his friend in a fight. Severus nearly fainted with relief as their fight moved into the forest putting distance between him and what he was sure was his imminent death. As the pain faded from his wrist he wondered if risking his own life somehow violated the vow he had taken. He was trying to sort it all out in his head when he realized that there was only one student with him now, and that student was lying unconscious on the ground with a broken leg. Where had the other two gotten too?

He saw the dementors converging on the lake and his stomach rolled once more. Why must Potter always make his life so difficult? He conjured a stretch for Ronald Weasley, pulling him along behind him as he went after the other two students. It was surprisingly not a scene that required him to reveal his patronus that was revealed to him as he reached the lake's edge. Instead the dementors were retreating as Black, Potter, and Granger lay unconscious on the ground. He wondered briefly if they had all been kissed before he set to work. He bound black and conjured stretchers for the students, taking the lot of them directly to the infirmary as he discreetly sent his patronus to alert Albus of their imminent arrival.

* * *

Severus ignored the pounding at his door. He knew who was there, and it only drove him to erect strong wards. Black gone. Order of Merlin gone. Any faith in his lover… gone! How could he have allowed that little wench to even have a time turner, let alone allow her to use it to do something so atrocious. It was clear that he knew how she had done it based on his statement about being in two places at once, and with a sick turning of the stomach Severus just KNEW that Albus had given her the idea. She wasn't that smart!

No Albus would not be gaining entry to his chambers tonight, or any other night for all that Severus cared. He was well and truly shot of the man after this. How could he choose the marauders AGAIN? No. Severus simple wasn't having it. They were done. Everything was done. He was of half a mind to quit his job and go live in some other country, but just the thought of it sent his wrist burning again so he knew he would have to stay.

Eventually the knocking stopped, and an eerie silence fell in his chambers. It was in that strange silence that seemed to stretch on for an eternity that his answer came to him. It wouldn't get his ministry honor back, it wouldn't lead to the capture of Black, it wouldn't even really punish Albus the way Severus felt he deserved. But it would make Severus feel better. He sat quietly amongst his broken possessions while he waited for morning to come so he could put his plan into action. All it would take was one careless sentence to his godson and Lupin would be gone.

* * *

"Severus," Albus spoke hoping to be heard through the door, though his voice was blocked from being heard by anyone else with a well-placed silencing charm. "Please."

Unlike the last few nights, the door finally creaked open allowing Albus entrance. He was shocked to see that nearly everything in the sitting room had been destroyed. The floor was littered with broken glass and torn out book pages, though most of it was hard to see from how burned out the fire had become. Albus stifled a sigh and closed the door behind him.

He could hear movement in the bedroom and he followed the sound. He almost wished he hadn't when he the sight of Severus was revealed to him. The man was only in his briefs as he threw things into a suitcase. What was striking though was the sight of every vein in his body burning black against his skin. It seemed clear that even breathing was hard for the man, let alone packing his belongings, but the man was pushing on. Albus bit his lip against the tears that wanted to come when he realized that Severus was attempting to leave, and the fact that it seemed to be killing him didn't even matter to Severus.

"Severus," Albus ground out, his pain far too obvious in his voice.

Severus did not speak, he merely shot a look over his shoulder that stabbed Albus through the heart. His face was hard to look at simply because of the raised veins, but the hatred in his features and the tears in his eyes were far worse.

"Don't," Albus whispered, stepping closer.

"I hate you," Severus ground out, his hand convulsing on the shirt he was holding.

"I love you," Albus responded stepping closer.

"I… hate you," Severus said more firmly, gripping the shirt more tightly before throwing it on the floor. "I hate you!"

"I love you," Albus said calmly, taking another step forward and putting himself into Severus's personal space.

"I hate you," Severus growled, turning his back on Albus.

"I love you," Albus said more firmly, reaching out to touch Severus who trembled beneath his hand before attempting to shirk him off.

"I. Hate. You." Severus yelled, and the tears began in earnest.

"I love you Severus," Albus said firmly as he wrapped his arms tightly around his lover, and held his shaking body close.

Severus buck against him, attempting to pull away, but Albus held him as tightly as he could. The two men struggled, tears falling from Severus and eventually from Albus as the silent battle raged.

"Severus, I love you," Albus said once more, his voice shaking, and the fight seemed to go out of the other man.

Severus slumped, and Albus angled them so that they both fell on to the bed. Both men were crying, and the moment was painful, but it seemed Severus had given up the fight. Albus held him tightly while the black veins slowly faded away and the inflammation on his wrist went down. Albus rubbed his lover's back soothingly as the worst of it faded, repeating again and again that he loved him.

"Why would you do that too me," Severus asked sometime later, his voice ragged.

"I meant only to protect an innocent man," Albus whispered into his shoulder blades. "I honestly did not give thought to the repercussions other than keeping him out of Azkaban."

"He is not innocent Albus," Severus ground out, and Albus feared the tears would start again.

"He is not an innocent man, but he is innocent of what he was going to receive the dementor's kiss for," Albus said softly. "I am sorry that my actions hurt you."

"I hate you right now Albus," Severus huffed, allowing his body to relax further into his lover. "But I still love you."

"I'm so sorry Severus," Albus lamented, pulling himself tighter against Severus's back.

* * *

The trip to their island had not been more needed in any other year. Albus was far too aware of the murderous rage that coursed through Severus every time he saw Harry Potter, and Severus was quite aware of the deep disappointment Albus felt having to let Remus Lupin leave due to Severus's actions. The two men were hurt, and angry, and they needed that time at the isolated island to recuperate their relationship.

For the first time, they stayed longer than two weeks. It took four and a half weeks for the hurt to bleed away and the contentment to come back. They were late returning to work obligations that took place over the summer, but without that time their relationship may not have survived. By the time they left the island they were happy once more. Each man almost couldn't remember a time when the words 'I hate you' had been shared between them.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Songs for this chapter:**_ _**Barton Hollow-The Civil Wars and My Heart is a Fist-Papa Roach**_

* * *

Severus hardly got the chance to appreciate a bit of peaceful summer after he and Albus arrive in England once more. He had been sitting on the couch in his living room attempting to read one of the many research books he was behind on when he first felt the old creeping pain in his left forearm. It should have confused him, being a sensation he hadn't felt in just shy of fourteen years, but he would know the cold burn of dark magic anywhere.

He stifled a gasp as he pushed back his sleeve to reveal a slight reddening of his left arm. How was the Dark Lord building his power so soon? Albus had explained the issue of Peter Pettigrew to Severus when a bit of his sanity had returned to him, but the man had never imagined that such a bumbling fool could have made it to the Dark Lord so quickly. What was it late July? The little rat had covered ground quickly.

Severus stood and walked robotically to his fireplace, reaching up to pull a pinch of floo powder from the vase on his mantle. There were no distinct thoughts going through his mind as his body went into autopilot and he sent himself twirling back to Hogwarts where Albus was in residence dealing with negotiations for the Triwizard Tournament. He stumbled slightly as he exited the fireplace, and that above all was what drew Albus's attention to him. Albus knew more than anyone the grace that was possessed by Severus Snape. He knew that the man never stumbled.

"Hello Severus," Albus said lightly, not wanting to further inflame a delicate situation.

"It seems Peter Pettigrew has begun aiding the Dark Lord," Severus said in a distance voice as he extended his arm out for Albus to see. "The dark magic has already begun to seethe beneath the surface."

"And how are you feeling," Albus asked, his concern clear in his voice, as he swept across the room and took Severus's arm in his to better view the raised red skin that had a disturbingly distinct pattern to it.

"Fine," Severus said stiffly, his eyes locked on the wall rather than meeting those of Albus.

"How are you really," Albus said more firmly as he grabbed his chin and tilted his face down to force eye contact.

"I can feel the lure obviously," he snapped attempting to hide behind his snark. "Imagine what the order members would think of the Death Eaters if they knew the real reason so many never leave. Wouldn't they find it funny to know being a Death Eater is like being hooked on a drug?"

"I doubt much thought has been given to it," Albus said softly, brushing his fingers over the irritated skin and drawing Severus's attention back to the presence. "So many are there by choice that it's hard for someone who has not made that choice to understand how hard it might be to leave."

"Some of them should," Severus growled. "But Sirius never mentions poor Regalus does he?"

"No he does not," Albus sighed, keeping his eye contact with Severus no matter that his frustration was growing. "But I am not concerned with the thoughts of others right now. All I care about is you. Do you feel strong?"

"The desire is there, but I can ignore it," Severus promised, the fire finally reigniting in his eyes. "I will not let you down."

"You could never let me down Severus," Albus said softly, pulling the younger man into his arms. "But you must promise that you will come to me if you feel yourself slipping."

"I will not violate my promise to you," Severus vowed, though his voice was distorted by how his head was buried in the older man's shoulder. "I will not use dark magic again."

"A time may come when you have to Severus, but it is the intent that is important to me," Albus assured him, rubbing between the sharp shoulder blades before him until they loosened slightly. "Always has been."

* * *

Albus was confident in Severus's ability to say no to the pull, but he still requested that he spend this summer at the castle anyway. Both of them were glad of this choice when there was a rather sickening flare of dark magic that sent the mark burning into nearly the exact shape it had been in at the height of the war.

"He's killed someone, only the killing curse could cause that kind of surge," Severus rasped as he leaned over the side of his chair fighting not to retch on the floor.

"Do you feel that every time he uses magic?" Albus asked with concern clear in his voice.

"It's a bit like when the mark was first branded into my arm," Severus explained in a rough voice. "The sensitivity will fade eventually… I assume. Unfortunately I don't think it will stop until he has reached his full power again."

"Well provides a conflict of interest for me," Albus said with a dark chuckle. "I want him to stay out of power because he's evil, but I want him to reach the end of his metamorphosis so your suffering will end."

"Think of it as paying penance," Severus said with a forced chuckle. "Besides, with a bit more time I will become less sensitive to the sensation."

"Does that really make it better?" Albus sighed as he swept out of his chair and began pouring whiskey into tumblers.

"No,' Severus said softly as he slid back into a more comfortable position as the sickness passed, taking note that the pink mark did seem to have a more distinct form now.

"Do you have any idea who it might have been," Albus asked conversationally as he handed over a tumbler of fire whiskey to Severus.

"No, it isn't a mental connection, thank heavens," Severus sighed. "I would look into missing persons reports however. It's likely that his victim has been missing for a while as he would have had to send Wormtail out to collect them."

"Well I'll drink to possible leads," Albus said raising his glass momentarily before he continued. "I suppose tomorrow I shall be reading quite a few papers."

"Would you like me to look through the papers for you?" Severus offered. "I do believe you have a meeting with Karkaroff and Madam Maxine."

"I would appreciate that Severus," Albus smiled as he reclined in his chair once more.

As the tension bled out of the room once more the two men simply enjoyed one another's company. Severus was thinking about how grateful he was for his lover's balance as his own world seemed to be tipping into something terribly confusing. Albus was wondering how the two of them had not considered the benefits of both of them remaining at the castle when the rest of the staff had gone. It removed the need for hiding, and Albus rather liked the idea that he and Severus could take a stroll around the lake together is they so wished, and there would be no consequences.

* * *

The two men had been in a deep sleep the next time Tom Riddle's use of magic was so powerful as to affect Severus. Albus was disoriented when he awoke, but he heard Severus retching over the side of the bed and that brought his mind full into the world of the waking.

"Severus are you alright," Albus asked, realizing his words were idiotic while the man was vomiting, but not caring much what it sounded like.

His worry increased when Severus only groaned in response. It was rare that Severus was beyond the ability to speak. Albus began to rub his back soothingly, and eventually the retching at least seemed to pass. Severus slumped back on the mattress, and fumbled under his pillow until he pulled out a wand. Albus saw that his arm was red with a few tinges of grey.

"Has he killed again?" Albus asked pulling on his glasses as Severus vanished the sick from beside the bed.

"Perhaps he hadn't killed the first time," Severus groaned, somehow slumping further into mattress. "Because that was far worse than last time."

"It's possible that he did something worse than killing a person," Albus said, a strange look coming over his face as his eyes clouded over with thought.

"Is there really anything worse?" Severus asked weakly, not even opening his mouth.

"Surely you know there are things worse than death," Albus questioned, his eyes returning to his supine lover.

"I did not say that," Severus grumbled throwing himself out of bed in a huff. "Death and murder do not go hand in hand."

Albus watched as Severus made his way into the bathroom, and noted as the light came on that Severus looked particularly pale this morning. He listened as the little clothing Severus had been wearing hit the floor and the shower turned on. Albus smirked when he realized that Severus was deciding to forgo sleep for the rest of the night, and pulled himself out of bed. If a shower was in order, surely two people could fit in there.

* * *

Albus was alone in his chambers, Severus having run to Spinner's End to collect a few more books that he needed. He read and reread the article in the paper about an old man who had been murdered in the old Riddle house. Surely that was the bit of magic Severus had felt, but could it be that even as a fractured soul with no corporeal body he had managed to create another one? Albus prayed that the answer was no, but the surge of power that Severus had felt said otherwise.

Albus filed the paper away in the bottom drawer of his desk where he kept all of his little bits and pieces of information about Tom Riddle and reinstated the undetectable locking charm. It wasn't that he was keeping secrets from Severus he told himself, it was just that he preferred to play his cards close to the chest until he was sure of something. It was a just a theory after all, he hadn't found proof that the diary truly was what he thought it was.

* * *

There just didn't seem to be a break in the madness, Severus thought to himself as he read the paper's recount of the Quidditch World Cup. He was grateful he had chosen not to attend or it was likely he would be among the people that were being brought into the ministry for questioning in relation to the casting of the dark mark.

He was stewing in his chambers over the whole ordeal while Albus was off at the ministry dealing with finishing touches on the tournament as well as trying to find out whatever he could about the Death Eater march. Severus felt useless. He couldn't do anything about the Dark Lord coming back in to power. He couldn't do anything about the other Death Eaters rising up, likely in reaction to the burning they were feeling themselves. There was nothing that it seemed he should be doing, and yet he still felt as if he should be doing something. The only saving grace was that his vow had not been triggered in any way.

Albus would return tonight, and the students would return in the morning. Severus supposed that he could seek out a game of chess with Minerva too distract himself, but all of the other staff members were likely still working on preparing for the start of classes. It wouldn't do to let on that he had been here more than the one day the rest of them had spent in the castle.

He settled for playing chess against himself and tried not to think about how much he hated all of the secrecy.

* * *

"I don't mean to sound paranoid," Severus said as he turned down the bed linens. "But do you think that Moody seems just a bit odd?"

"Well he's always been just out of step in life hasn't he?" Albus responded as he changed into his sleep shirt. "So it's only natural for him to seem… odd."

"I am trying to set aside my displeasure with how he has treated me in the past, and think about this rationally," Severus said in a surprisingly calm voice. "But searching my chambers while I took Malfoy back to Slytherin seems a strange choice."

"But turning your Godson into a ferret does not?" Albus chuckled as he lowered his tired body onto the bed.

"I can't say I haven't been tempted myself on occasion," Severus laughed as he stripped down to his skivvies and joined Albus in the bed.

"I don't support his choice to search your office though Severus," Albus said, his voice becoming more serious. "I will be having a word with him about that."

"Just think about what I am saying before you make up your mind on the matter," Severus said quietly as he extinguished the lights. "Ask yourself when the two of you talk if he is acting like the man that you've known for so many years.'

* * *

"He's doing what?" Severus said, looking up from his paper, and unfortunately revealing that he had been eavesdropping on the conversation between Minerva and Filius.

"Listening were you?" Minerva said with a frown, though Filius only seemed to find it funny.

"Old habits die hard," Severus said with a shrug.

"Oh whatever," Minerva said as her stern look disappeared into an angry face. "He is using the imperius curse on his students, I'm sure of it."

"If that were true, don't you think that the students would be coming forward about it?" Filius asked quietly.

"Perhaps not,: Minerva said stiffly. "If they thought somehow it was actually teaching them something."

"Well it could be couldn't it?" Severus heard himself saying and he wondered if he really thought that or if this was just another instance where the pull to dark magic was bleeding out of him.

"What could they be learning other than the fact that their professor is completely unqualified to be teaching them," Minerva snapped. "I've staunchly ignored rumors that his mind has gone, but now I am starting to think he really is addled."

"But Minerva, how do you know he's doing it if the students aren't saying anything?" Filius asked with a slightly quirked brow.

"You know the look of someone who has been cursed. It lingers for hours. That vacant expression with a sense of confusion. If you get close enough its like you can see something swirling deep within the eyes," she said quietly.

The two men nodded. They had seen their fair share of wizards and witches that had fallen prey to the imperious curse during the first war. It was a shame, Severus thought, that the signs didn't last longer, so it would be easier to prove who had been cursed and who was lying.

"I'm telling you the entire lot of fourth year Gryffindor's showed up to my transfiguration lesson with that look on their faces," Minerva continued.

"Well if its Gryffindors we are talking about," Severus scoffed with humor dancing in his eyes. "It could just be the lot of them are idiots."

"Severus," Minerva chided. "Your theory will be disproven by this: the only one who did not seem heavily effected was Harry Potter. You are the one that assures us he is an idiot are you not? So idiocy cannot be the cause."

"Perhaps Potter has unleashed a plague on his peers," Severus said with the briefest of smirks. "But honestly, if you think he's really doing this you should tell the headmaster. You'd think it would be fairly clear that using unforgivable curses on the students as completely forbidden."

"I think I probably need a bit more evidence before I present it to Albus," Minerva sighed before she handed off her copy of the paper to Filius. "Here Filius the this crossword has completely stumped me."

Severus couldn't hold back his light chuckle at the sight of her frustrated departure from the room, and it only increased when Filius joined him.

"I thought the puzzle was actually quite easy," he offered as he flipped his paper closed and stood to leave the room. "Perhaps it's the fact that at least half of the words are potion ingredients that tripped her up."

Filius's laughter was twice as loud as Severus swept out of the room. It was almost enough to leave a smile on his face when he entered the corridor, but he spotted two students who were up to no good, and that wiped the smile from his face rather quickly.

* * *

It wasn't until the day that the other schools actually arrived at the castle that it occurred to Severus that there was now two Death Eaters present. He thought of the slowly darkening mark on his arm as he watched Karkaroff parade two the castle with his students. He also noted how the other man's eyes flickered with fear when they drifted over his face. Very interesting, he thought to himself.

He wondered how the man had been dealing with the flickers of pain as the Dark Lord's power grew. Was Karkaroff more or less afraid? Severus remembered clearly just how many names the other man had given up in order to get out of Azkaban. Surely he feared what that would mean if the Death Eater rose once more under the Dark Lord?

Thoughts about the mark were rather quickly driven from his mind when the champions were selected for the Triwizard tournament, and Harry Potter once again found himself in mortal danger. Severus was unsure as to what actions would be taken to keep the boy alive. He had a sinking feeling in his gut that he would have to help the boy cheat if only to keep himself alive.

"Albus how can you allow this?' Severus demanded as he paced back and forth in his sitting room.

"I can no more stop the ministry from enforcing the rules of the tournament than I can stop the sun rising in the morning Severus," Albus said tiredly from where he remained perched on the edge of the couch.

"Do you understand that it is not just Potter that may die this year?" Severus snapped, his eyes bugging just enough to let Albus know he was afraid.

"The vow did not burn your wrist when Harry was last in danger," Albus said softly. "Perhaps the rules are different when there is a connection to Tom Riddle. The vow after all was to stop him, it wasn't actually about Harry Potter."

"If I am to believe the bit of prophecy that I know, then surely Harry Potter and the Dark Lord go hand in hand," Severus groused, his pacing growing more frantic.

"I believe you will find that your obligations when it comes to the vow are shifting," Albus said softly, a sadness creeping in to his voice.

"And how is that?" Severus asked sharply.

"Well before Tom was an ambiguous threat, so keeping Harry Potter alive was a more central concern," Albus explained. "Now it seems only a matter of time before we are facing a fully restored Lord Voldemort, thus your vow would pertain more to how you can help stop him, and that has very little to do with Harry. Your talents will be needed outside of the castle."

"What does that mean," Severus asked, coming to a full stop directly in front of his lover.

"Please don't make me answer that tonight," Albus sighed. "I am not ready, and it has already been such a long day."

"Very well," Severus said stiffly. "Go off to bed with you then."

Albus tried to hide his sadness as he left the room. Severus hadn't actually said it, but it was certainly implied that he wasn't welcome in his bed tonight. Albus didn't want to think about just how fierce a banishing he would be forced to endure when he did tell Severus what he would ask him to do, and what vow would compel him to do whether or not he wanted too.

* * *

It didn't take long for Severus to get his answer to his questions about Karkaroff however. The idiot of a man actually came to his classroom during a lesson to speak with him. At least he had waited until the room was emptying of students to start brandishing his arm about. Severus was not entirely sure Potter hadn't seen the mark, but at least he could be certain that no one else had.

Severus made his way up to the headmaster's office to let Albus know both of Karkaroff's fears and his blatant theatrics over it all. While Severus thought the other man was being a bit daft, he couldn't pretend that it didn't raise certain questions about what was expected should the mark burn with the flaming heat that meant he was being summoned.

"Albus," Severus said with a nod as he slipped inside the office. "I've just had a visit from Igor that forced a question to the forefront of my mind."

"What is that?" Albus asked, looking up from the paper.

"When the mark inevitably burns," Severus said, placing himself at the window so his back was to Albus. "What will I do?"

"Severus," Albus sighed, his face growing weary as he folded his hands before him on the desk. "If it burns I will at first ask you to stay. I will need you to stay long enough to establish plausibility that you've convinced me you are my spy, but then I will ask you to return to Tom and to make him think that you are in fact his spy."

Severus held onto the windowsill like it was the only life line holding him to the planet. If Albus's plan were to work it would be brilliant, but in all likelihood Severus was probably going to be killed upon arrival. You either responded to a summons immediately or you were severely punished. If he were to delay on a summons that would be as important as this one the result would be catastrophic. It would be safe to never return at all.

"It is too much to ask," Albus whispered into the silence. "And yet I must ask it of you. Only you have the skill to survive such a mission, and we will need the information you will provide us with."

"Very well," Severus said quietly, his deep baritone voice wobbling with the fear he felt. "I pray that summons does not come for a very long time as I am not quite ready to walk the plank."

He didn't listen for an answer from Albus as he turned and swept out of the room. He could feel it deep within his bones that he was a dead man walking, and for now he simply wanted to hide away in his chambers and let the emotions that came with that discovery settle. He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. Hadn't he known already that his life had been forfeit the moment he had condemned Lily Potter to death? It was just luck that he had lived this long, and an incredible blessing that he had been gifted with the time he had shared with his lover. If he were to properly pay penance, he would have to find it in himself to walk into death's open arms with his head held high.

* * *

"I don't understand why you did it?" Albus said objectively from behind his desk.

"Honestly, I don't either," Severus admitted. "It was a knee jerk reaction. Apparently I find myself to still be a little bitter about her time travels undoing my Order of Merlin. Not to mention attempting to shatter my skull."

"Neither of which were actually intended," Albus said in a tight voice that said he was sure an outburst was coming.

"I never said it was logical," Severus admitted softly. "In all fairness I owe her an apology, but we both know I am not going to give it to her."

"Of course you won't," Albus sighed. "She's made the grave error of befriending Harry Potter, so she will only know your ire. It's a shame that so many people only get to know that side of you Severus."

"Perhaps that's the only side their truly is," Severus said dejectedly. "People have often said you are insane Albus, you could be imagining the good in me."

"That was almost funny," Albus trilled. "If it hadn't also been so bloody depressing I might have laughed."

"You'd have laughed if you'd seen her teeth Albus," Severus said with a smirk. "But that's a story for another night. Let's go to bed."

* * *

It had been simple at first to resist the urge. But Severus found that when it came to a question of if he would die to preserve his promise, resisting was not nearly as easy. Even now he could remember being wrapped in surprisingly strong arms, with a white beard tickling his bare chest as made the promise to never again give in to the pull of dark magic. There had been no vows sworn that night, but instead a lover's covenant had been made, and it was infinitely more powerful. So what did it mean now? He stood in his bathroom, clothing stripped away, staring into the mirror at a reflection that he hardly recognized. His left arm was marred not only by the burgeoning dark mark but by the intricate lines of his veins turned black. His wrist was wrapped in a terrible bracelet of black welts that traced the path that had been burned upon him when he took his vow.

The darkness of his veins was slowly spreading into his chest, and with it grew his fear. As each hour ticked closer to the moment that Harry Potter would face his first task, it seemed that Severus slipped a little closer to the door that divided life and death. And in the shifting gravity that came with that tumble towards death he felt a terrible pull. It seemed a simple task to give in to the desire to use dark magic and save both the boy and himself. His body trembled with the effort of controlling himself, and yet in the pit of his stomach he knew he would lose this battle. He would slip, he was sure of it.

"Severus," Albus's voice said, startling the younger man who had been so focused on his inner battle.

"Stop me Albus," Severus groaned as his legs gave in, and he slumped to his knees, unconsciously reaching for his wand. "I don't think I can stop myself."

Albus didn't need to ask what Severus was talking about, he could feel the chill in the air that said enough about what had been growing within his lover. He dropped to his knees before Severus and gently but efficiently pulled the wand from between his clenched fingers. For years Albus had struggled to find a fool proof way to pull Severus back from the darkness, but he had eventually discovered the answer that should have been clear to him from the beginning. And so like he had many times in the past, Albus used his love to bring Severus back.

He fisted his hands in black hair, and with surprising roughness forced Severus's head up and back until his back was against the bathroom wall and his mouth was pressed against the older mans. Albus kissed him in earnest, pouring his very soul into Severus. He begged him without words to respond to love instead of darkness, and Severus did not disappoint. His lips began to move fiercely and Albus lost himself in the love that Severus was able to offer. The black lines did not fade from his lover's arm, but the darkness faded from his eyes.

* * *

Severus did not attend the first task, instead he sat in his chambers watching as ever so slowly the blackness faded away and the ax hanging over his head swung back to allow him more breathing room. For now their private battle had been won, but Severus found his confidence shaken. Would they be so successful the next time?

* * *

Albus watched Severus prowl out of the great hall, and wished that he could follow him. Even more than that he wished that he could share just one dance with Severus, but instead he was subjected to yet another twirl around the dance floor with Minerva. He suspected the woman was using the Yule Ball as an excuse to announce her affections for him, but he just didn't have it in him to point out the rather obvious fact that she simply wasn't his type. Honestly, Albus thought to himself, how had no one figured out his sexual preference? His clothing practically shouted it from the battlements did t not?

So instead of following his lover like he wanted to, he allowed himself to be pulled into another dance. He would get his moment later, when the ball was winding down. And he was rather certain that Severus was thinking of him right now while he snuck through the enchanted garden. He was also certain Severus would distract himself by handing out detentions to students who were enjoying the festivities a bit too much.

It took two more dances, and several long winded discussion before Albus could plausibly leave the rest of the night in the hands of Minerva and make his departure. He slipped into the entrance hall and he was not at all surprised to see that Severus was there waiting for him.

"He approached me yet again," Severus said softly enough that the students scurrying off to bed did not hear.

"Well?" Albus asked softly.

"Karkaroff's mark is becoming darker too. He is panicking, he fears retribution; you know how much help he gave the ministry after the Dark Lord fell," Severus said with a sideways glance. "Karkaroff intends to flee if the mark burns."

"Does he?" Albus replied, his eyebrow climbing. "And are you tempted to join him."

"No," Severus said evenly, his features stark in their determination. "I am not such a coward."

"No," Albus said with a small smile. "You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we sort too soon."

"Because you desire to see me in Gryffindor red and gold yet," Severus bit out, though the fire in his eyes suggested he might be coaxed into it with the right motivation. "It must trouble you terribly to know I am Slytherin through and through."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Albus smirked as he began to walk away. "Perhaps you'll slither your way up to my bedroom tonight?"

"Hmmm, will there be a reward waiting for me?" Severus asked huskily as he began to follow his lover up the stairs. "I did play spy for you tonight after all."

Albus chuckled to hide his pain at the thought that he might soon have to ask Severus to 'play' spy on a much more regular basis. Severus joined in to hide the fear he felt when he knew _exactly _what Albus was thinking.

* * *

"You reward his petulance by catering to it Albus," Severus snapped as he began to stir the simple syrup he was creating for their dish.

"We all need a moment to collect our breath when we are dealt a heavy blow," Albus said lightly, his attention more focused on the flowers he was building with fondant.

"Only if it is actually a moment, or perhaps a few minutes if it's really necessary," Severus replied his mind wandering to a time when many tears had been shed in the other man's office. "But to actually bring in a substitute to teach his lessons while he hides in his hut? You're enabling his childish behavior."

"Severus would you not want me to perhaps handle you with kid gloves if you were in Hagrid's position?" Albus asked as he finished his first little rose and charmed it to be pink.

"I am smart enough not to bather on about my darkest secrets out in the open where anyone would hear them," Severus pointed out. "Any secret that would damn me would only be found out in the moment of my death, and thus I would not have much to worry about would I?"

"When did it become so easy for you to talk of death?" Albus said stiffly, his fingers convulsing and crushing the second flower he had been working on.

"When I realized that the ground beneath me was rapidly shrinking to that of a knife's edge once more," Severus joked, and Albus rankled at the defensive snark that had become second nature to Severus once more.

"I think the cake is burning," Albus said absently as he began again on his flower.

"Bugger it all," Severus snapped as he pulled a smoking pan out of the oven and tossed it angrily on the counter. "Why is it so hard to make a damn rum cake?"

"Maybe you are putting in too much rum," Albus chuckled before offering Severus a bit of fondant as a consolation prize. "How about we forgo the cake, and drink rum. I can think of a few things to do with that Syrup as well."

* * *

"Did you not once tell me you thought Moody had long ago figured out the real reason that you stood for me at my trial?" Severus asked as he paced back and forth in his grey dressing gown, his eyes full of questions.

"Yes," Albus answered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he sat propped up in his chair, far too tired for this conversation but participating anyway. "Alastor would never speak a word of it of course."

"But that's my point, Moody does not act as if he knows anything," Severus snapped, slapping the back of his hand against his palm. "The man acts as if I am still the Death Eater that went to trial, and he has a hatred that I do not remember him having even then."

"He has grown more paranoid in his age," Albus sighed as he summoned his tea service; he was going to need caffeine. "Perhaps it comes off as hatred."

"There's just something off," Severus ranted on headless of what Albus had said. "He jumped from one accusation to the next, it was less about there being a problem, and more about finding a particular fault in me. He went so far as to accuse me of plotting to get Potter killed."

"Well you've made it plain you hate the boy," Albus sighed as he poured a cup of tea. "As no one else is privy to our vow besides my brother, it might be an easy conclusion to think you are trying to get him killed."

"Stop playing devil's advocate and just listen for a minute old man," Severus barked, but there was a sparkle in his eye to show he didn't mean the roughness. "Observe him for the next few days. Just watch what he is doing and tell me you don't think something is off. If you can do that I Will drop it."

"I find those terms agreeable," Albus said, sipping his tea.

"It might also interest you to know that Potter was out of bed with his egg tonight," Severus said as he began to pour his own cup of tea. "Of course the only proof I have is the egg and that blasted parchment he got from Lupin or perhaps Black, but I am certain he was on the stairs with us."

"Let us hope it's a sign that he has figured out the clue," Albus said tiredly, worried lines returning to his forehead. "Has the vow been triggered in anyway?"

"Honestly I've felt more surges from my mark than I have from my wrist," Severus admitted as his slid into a chair. "He doesn't seem to be killing anymore, though he is certainly using magic. I believe his continued use of magic is the cause for our ever darkening marks."

"It sometimes seems to be coming from all angles does it not?" Albus implored him, a deep sadness filling his eyes.

"We would not know what to do with ourselves if it were not," Severus said kindly as he began to drink his tea.

* * *

Albus had receive a small bit of velum, embossed with silver letters that invited him to Severus's dungeon chambers for dinner. He couldn't help but smirk to himself as he bowed out of his obligatory appearance in the great hall for the holiday meal, and made his way down to spend Valentine's day with his lover.

When he slid into the room, pushing the door quickly closed behind him, he noted that the only light source seemed to be the fire. Light cello music was issuing from somewhere in the room, though he was rather sure Severus did not own any music playing devices. There was also another bit of velum floating in the air before him, and he reached out with his wand to illuminate it enough to be read.

_Clothing is prohibited beyond this point._

Albus couldn't help but chuckle as he began to shed his robes, and he heard an answering deep chuckle issue from somewhere beyond the couch. Was Severus hiding behind the couch? Albus shimmied out of the last of his clothing and proceeded toward the couch. He was not at all disappointed when he came around the side of the couch and saw that Severus had spread out a red and white checkered blanket before the fire, and created a picnic for the two of them. And Severus laying on the ground completely naked was certainly a plus.

"We should celebrate Valentine's day more often," Albus beamed as he held his beard to the side to keep it from getting into the food as he joined Severus on the rather large blanket. "What have you put together here anyway?"

"Well I fancied the idea of a picnic, but seeing as its frigid as a hag's tit outside…" Severus laughed. "I put together this instead. We've got that crab ceviche we've been talking about making as well as some chocolate covered strawberries. I even remembered to add the pomegranate seeds to the champagne like you did on our very first Valentine's."

"Well pink champagne just tastes better," Albus said with a smile clear in his voice. "And the nakedness? Not that I mind it in the slightest, you look more appetizing than the food."

"Well obviously I plan to make love to you before the fire after you've eaten your fill," Severus drawled but it lacked the usual malice.

Further speech was cut off by Severus feeding Albus a strawberry and then proceeding to lick the excess chocolate from his fingers in the most distracting way. They held hands as the enjoyed the ceviche and Albus couldn't help but sing praises for how delicious it was. He felt they should have made it much sooner than now, but he was conversely glad that they had waited.

"I wanted to write you something flowery and lovely," Severus said when he had rolled onto his back and there was quite a bit of champagne flowing through his veins. "But I found that I am awful at it, and have instead decided to recite you a bit of poetry."

"Oh this should be good," Albus chuckled lifting himself up on his elbows so he could see Severus's face while he spoke.

"It's by E. E. Cummings," Severus said as a preface. "We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

Albus found that his eyes were not so dry as they had been before, and that his throat seemed to be full of something that did not allow speech. It took him a few moments and several tries at clearing his throat before he found his voice again.

"Well that is quite a bit better than the only Cummings poem I know. It means a great deal to me Severus," Albus said softly as he reached out to caress Severus's jaw.

"Will you tell me yours?" Severus asked quietly, leaning into the touch.

"Of course," Albus agreed easily, his voice growing a little deeper as he began to recite.

"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is you're doing, my darling)I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)."

"I don't know that mine is better," Severus said in a rough voice. "It's rather comforting to know that my heart is kept safe within yours."

"All I want is for you to stay with me forever," Albus admitted somewhat sheepishly. "It's selfish, but it's honest."

"And appreciated," Severus said with the sincere smile that no one other than Albus was every allowed to see.

Then the remaining food and their dishes were vanished, and Severus made good use of the blanket before the fire as he covered Albus's bodies with his.

* * *

"I didn't think you were going to come to this challenge," Albus said in a hushed whispered that didn't much conceal his surprise to see Severus.

"There was an interesting development that lead to a sudden remedy to the problem that was keeping me away," Severus answered casually as he pulled back his sleeve quickly to reveal an unmarked wrist.

"Interesting," Albus said as he watched the champions gather at the lake side, and tried to sound completely uninterested. "What was it that changed?"

"Someone broke into my private stores," Severus whispered so that only Albus could hear. "And apparently stealing gillyweed drastically changed the potential outcome of this challenge."

"Oh?" Albus asked, quirking his head to the side.

"Apparently there is no way he can fail," Severus mused. "That's not to say he won't be punished for stealing from me. Again."

"Oh come now Severus," Albus chuckled as he turned to look at the now rather boring sight of the lake that the champions had disappeared beneath. "Boys with be boys or something like that."

"You really do let him get away with murder," Severus sighed. "Though I can't say I can be too upset on the gillyweed, as it did make my life a bit easier."

Severus wasn't sure why he decided to keep it too himself that Potter and his little friends appeared to be stealing the ingredients for polyjuice potion once more. Perhaps he wanted to keep the moment of confrontation to himself. And perhaps he should be worried about that impulse.

* * *

"Severus stop!" Albus begged, struggling to stay in his seat with how hard he was laughing. "Please!"

"No Harry, we musn't," Severus said, throwing his hand theatrically over his forehead. "For I am in love with Viktor Krum."

"You are evil," Albus chortled, giving up on the battle to stay seated and simply dropping onto the floor.

"But Hermione, my mum died and stuff," Severus whinged in a very poor impersonation of Harry. "You owe it to me really."

Severus proceeded to prance around the room first playing the chaser and then the chase before he joined Albus in a heap on the floor and began laughing in earnest. He tossed the copy of Witch Weekly he had confiscated earlier onto the floor and all but rolled around on the ground while he enjoyed a deep belly laughed.

"You know this article is actually going to cause both of them a lot of trouble," Albus said somberly as he wiped at the tears that had collected in his eyes during his laughter.

"Of course it is," Severus huffed. "But you can't help but notice how ridiculous it all is."

"I honestly wonder if Rita Skeeter is a sociopath," Albus said quietly as he scooped up the magazine and looked it over once more.

"Perhaps she's just possessed by a demon," Severus offered lightly, though his face was a direct contradiction.

* * *

Severus and Albus had snuck an early evening together, and were in bed and otherwise occupied when a rather sudden triggering of the vow interrupted them.

"What is it Severus?" Albus panted in concern as his lover collapsed toward the bed unexpectedly with a deep groan of pain.

"Fuck all," Severus moaned as he rolled onto his back and exposed his inflamed wrist as he used his other hand to wipe his sweaty hair from his eyes. "What had that berk gotten himself into now?"

Albus did not respond because there really weren't words for a situation like this. He just pulled himself out of bed and began seeking out his clothes. Severus however was quicker. He was out of bed with a drying charm cast upon himself, and half of his clothes on before Albus had his briefs in hand.

"You'll have to catch up with me," Severus called over his shoulder as he hurried out of the room pulling his frock coat into place and charming the buttons to nestled themselves into their home while he pulled on his cloak.

Severus flew down the stairs in a hurry to find the boy and whatever danger he was suddenly in. He was quite surprised to find the boy in the bloody hallway when he came out of the stairwell leading up to the headmaster's office. Had his rather glorious afternoon shag been interrupted for absolutely nothing? Honestly what danger could the dolt find in a hallway?

* * *

"I'm willing to consider your theory on Alastor," Albus said thoughtfully when the two men had finally made it back to the circular office.

"Do tell how the possible death of Barty Crouch has enlightened you to my genius," Severus said with a forced humor, as both men were rather certain the ministry office was in fact dead.

"It actually has very little to do with Crouch," Albus said quietly. "I found it a little odd that Alastor told me that you sent him down to meet me. It was innocuous enough and he mentioned Crouch, but I could not picture you sending him when distrust him so."

"I assure you I did not send him," Severus said his brows climbing into his hair. "As soon as you went with Potter the banding from the vow went away, and I disappeared to the dungeons to deal with a different ailment."

"You are a dog," Albus chuckled before turning somber once more. "I will be watching Alastor very closely from now on."

For a moment it looked as if Severus might cheer, but then a shadow fell over his face as he remembered once more what had brought about this revelation.

"Do you think he's out there in the forest?" Severus asked. "Perhaps I should search for his body?"

"I don't know Severus," Albus said quietly. "Perhaps we both should."

Severus nodded, and though both men were tired and would have liked to return to bed, they exited the office once more. It would be a long night of searching the forest by wand light, but there was a duty to be fulfilled.

* * *

It was a somber event with two men dressed in black standing in the astronomy tower with a single candle between them, but it was the only real memorial that Barty Crouch received after his fall from grace at the ministry and absolutely no family to care for him after he was gone. There were no fond stories shared, hardly any words were actually spoken. Instead Severus bowed his head respectfully, and Albus sang a mournful tune that bade farewell to the soul of one Bartimus Crouch Senior.

* * *

Severus had felt it in his bones, from the very beginning of the day that this was it. Somehow it didn't matter that tonight would see the final task of the tournament, because Severus knew from the weight that had settled in his chest, and the pain that slowly growing in his arm, that tonight would be the night the Dark Lord would return.

It did not help that Potter could not seem to stay out of danger, and thus the vow was hindering him once more. He had done his best to ignore it, forcing himself to sit in the crowd that watched the task. It had seemed the right idea when considering that he would need to be on hand to deal with whatever fall out might come during the challenge. He had found that he terribly regretted that choice when the mark began to burn upon his arm, and the pain swelled to a level he certainly didn't remember properly.

He was asking himself why he made the choices he made as he ran off to do the errands Albus sent him on. It was that he thought about, instead of feeling any sort of victory over having been right about Moody. Thinking of the pain in his arm, kept him from feeling the rage that was just under the surface when he thought of what Crouch had done to bring a tyrant back from death. Mostly though he just felt fear.

The fear propelled some of his less than intelligent actions, the biggest being the decision to show his still writhing black tattoo to the minister of magic. It had accomplished nothing other than solidifying his position as a monster in the man's mind, and had only increased the panic that was slowly growing beneath the surface as he tried to keep a calm façade in place. The night was coming in strange flashes as he lost his ability to process anything other than fear, and then Albus did the one thing he could do to slam Severus's occlumency shields into place. He revealed Sirius Black to be in the room.

He burned with anger, but beneath the surface he felt a deep gratitude. His anger had cleared his mind. It had allowed him to pull himself together. He may have preferred to murder Black than to shake his hand, but Albus had successfully prepared him to return to the Dark Lord and no one in the room was the wiser.

"Severus," the headmaster said finally, and Severus knew it was time. "you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready...if you are prepared..."

"I am," Severus said firmly, though he allowed his shields to flicker momentarily so Albus could see that he was completely in control.

"Then good luck," Albus said in a tight voice, and Severus stamped his shield into place so he would not show a reaction to the pain there.

That could be there only goodbye, both men knew it, and both men hated it. Severus swept out of the room, reaching into his pocket to produce the shrunken cloak and silver mask he had taken to carrying with him when he knew the call was coming soon. He hardly saw the grounds as he made his way down to the gates. His mind was blank, and his heart was full of Albus as he apparated off to what he felt was certain death.

* * *

Albus paced, and he waited, and he reached out to sense the wards around the castle. As time went on, and he still hadn't seen or heard from Severus his panic grew. The sun would be coming up in just a few hours, and he did not yet know if his lover had survived. With each second that passed without a sign of him his fear grew stronger.

Just when Albus was tempted to open the liquor cabinet in an effort to force back the deep panic that was overtaking him, he felt the flare of the wards that told him someone had entered the ground. He stretched his consciousness, and he felt it, Severus had entered the grounds, and was making his way slowly to the castle. Albus dashed to the window, and he could just make out the dark form limping its way across the lawn. He was limping, but he was moving under his own power and Albus clung to that fact as he felt a bit of the panic bleed out of his heart.

It took only moments from when Severus entered the castle for Albus to realize that he was going to the dungeon rather than coming up to his chambers. That was when a deeper worry began to set in. He hurried out of his office and made his way down to the entrance hall. He realized that his relief may have been premature when he saw the trail of blood that revealed the path Severus had taken. It was almost automatic that he vanished the blood behind him as he followed it down into the cold of the dungeons.

The path was clear, and only wavered occasionally in its line toward the potion master's chambers. Albus felt his breath catch in his chest when he saw the bloody hand print on the wall next to the entrance, it was smeared as if Severus had slipped while trying to hold himself up and open the door. He vanished that as well before sliding inside. Like a much happier day the room was lit only by a fire, but the flames illuminated a much more macabre scene than they once had. Right near the door lay the rumpled black cloak of his Death Eater garb, and a few feet further into the room lay the once silver mask that was now dripping scarlet. Albus forced to keep moving forward even as it grew more difficult to breathe. He passed the discarded frock coat, and a few steps later he drew level with the white oxford that was stained red with blood.

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from reacting and continued to move forward. He could hear a shower running and knew that his ultimate destination was the loo even without the trail of clothes to lead him home. There was a bloody handprint on the frame of the bedroom door as well, and Albus could practically see Severus holding on to it as he peeled off the boots and bloody socks that lay just inside the door. Now there were bloody smears on the ground that joined the splattering of blood that was falling from whatever wounds he had.

As he drew level with the bed he had to step over black trousers. Their dark fabric revealed nothing, though the stone beneath them seemed to be marred by blood as well. He propelled himself forward, feeling as if there were no air in the room as he approached the open door to the bathroom and he saw the last article of clothing on the ground. There was far too much said by the blood stained briefs that lay in the bit of space that divided the bedroom from the bathroom, and Albus felt his heart clench and his eyes burn. The two of them had suspected many things that might happen tonight when Severus had returned to the Dark Lord. They had even contemplated that Severus might die, but never had Albus thought that this would happen. His chest was tight with anger and sadness as he tried to wrap his mind around that little word. It was just four letters and yet it felt like the earth was trembling and breaking apart beneath his feet. How would Severus come back from something like that? How would he?

Albus forced himself to step over the offending article of clothing and into the bright light of the bathroom. Severus had not closed the curtain to the shower, and when Albus finally saw him he wondered if Severus were even capable of doing such a thing. When he looked upon the man who stood in the shower stall, his head and arm propped against the wall holding him up, he wondered how he had even managed to walk back to the castle. There didn't seem to be a bit of his skin that wasn't lacerated. The shower water ran red as it danced over his injured skin. It looked as if he had been lashed or possibly flayed.

Albus did not know what to do. His vision seemed to tunnel in on the red skin of his lover and all he could think of was wanting to help him. He stumbled blindly across the now wet floor of the bathroom and did not even bother with removing his clothing before he stepped into the shower stall. Severus flinched away from him, but Albus acted on instinct and stood tall, blocking anyway out of the shower as he drew his wand and began to heal the wounds on his lover's back.

There were no words spoken as Severus shook with the effort to remain upright and Albus grew steadily more wet from the shower while he worked to heal every wound he could see. When the pale skin of Severus's back was free of blemishes he reached out to wash the blood away and Severus whimpered pulling ever closer to the shower wall. In that moment Albus's heart was broken, but he pushed forward. He was gentle but persistent as he washed away the blood from his lover's back, and eventually his legs and backside. Severus went deathly still when Albus was near his most offensive injury, and Albus took care to be gentle and cautious so as not to further injure or humiliate his lover.

"Severus," Albus said quietly, his voice ragged, as he tried to pull the younger man's back against his chest so as to pull him away from the wall.

The sound that ripped from Severus's chest was animalistic and he fought to free himself from the hold of the older man. Albus did not truly feel the pain, but he knew he would be bruised tomorrow from the blows that were raining down upon him as the other man tried to free himself.

"Shh, shh," he soothed, pulling Severus's head back against his shoulder in both an effort to restrain him and too soothe him. "I will not hurt you Severus. I love you."

That seemed to be the breaking point for the other man, and he went rigid for a moment before the tears began and he slumped heavily into Albus. He cried in earnest, holding onto his lover's arms for support as his knees went weak with the grief he felt. He could not find the words to capture what had happened tonight. In a way it had been a success because he had proven to the Dark Lord that he was a loyal servant, but even with his mind foggy from pain and blood loss Severus knew something inside of him had been broken tonight.

"Albus," he choked, unable to reign in his tears, still struggling to find a way to tell Albus everything he had learned tonight.

Severus knew that he needed to make a report on what the Dark Lord had planned, but his mind just kept revolving back to the moments he had spent with his face pressed into the grass having his body torn apart without being able to defend himself.

"It was a question of ownership," he finally ground out as he turned his head to the side and tried to bury it in the white beard that was soaked through with shower water.

"He will never own you," Albus said fiercely as he turned Severus in his arms and pulled him even more securely against his chest.

They needed to get out of the shower. Severus needed further medical attention, and Albus desperately needed to comfort him, but neither of them could find it in them to move. Instead they stayed beneath the spray of water that was enchanted to never grow cold, and they waited. They waited for some answer to come to them. They waited for some solution that could fix this new nightmare they found themselves in.

* * *

Severus had been physically present for the end of the year, but his spirit did not seem to be there. Albus watched him stumble through the poor excuse of a memorial for Cedric Diggory, and his heart ached. There were many distraught and lost faces in the see of people still at Hogwarts but none of them tore at him the way Severus did. He wished that Severus would yell and scream, and blame him for what happened, because at least then he would seem to be alive inside his body.

Albus had held his breath and counted the moment until they could depart for their island. He hoped that the sun, and the sand, and the love that Albus would shower him with would bring Severus back from the dark pit he had slipped in too. The departed for the island the second the students had gone, but Severus still seemed despondent under the blazing summer sun.

It wasn't until several days into their stay that Severus really even began to speak again. It had started with a simply request to pass the jam, but as the day had gone on Severus has seemed to awake from a deep sleep and he began to converse with Albus about simple things and happy things. His eyes grew light once more as he willingly wrapped his arms around Albus and shared a brief hug with him.

That had been the breaking point for Albus and he had wept great heavy tears. The last of Severus seemed to awake then as he fell into the role of comforter. By the end of the evening Albus was exhausted from his emotional outburst, but Severus was back. A certain darkness had left his features, and was replaced by an almost awe inspired look when Albus gently kissed him goodnight. It was Severus that took Albus into his arms and silently asked for more with probing kisses and gentle touches, and the two men began to heal the great wound that had been wrought in their relationship by another man.

They both knew it would be a long time before they would find it in them to make love without Tom Riddle's actions coming between them, but the island allowed them to make their first steps toward that happiness. They poured the love upon one another and in the two weeks that they spent hidden away from the world they somehow found the will to carry on with the dark path they were now locked in to. Both men were scared, but they prepared themselves to face the worst of it so long as they had each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**I know it's been a long break, I must apologize. Not only did I just move into a new house, but I have been asked to have a piece produced at a local theatre and needed to actually take care of writing that before drifting back into the entertaining world of Fanfiction. I also sustained a concussion… so life has been interesting. This chapter is further delayed simply by the length of it. There is just soooooooo much that happens in the life of Severus during such dark times that simply wasn't covered in the novels.**

* * *

_**Songs for this chapter: Save Me by Unwritten Law and Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace**_

* * *

Learning to re-navigate how to respond to the triggering of his vow was surprisingly difficult for Severus. Somehow over the course of slipping into the role of a double agent, the vow had become a barometer of how to sabotage the Dark Lord without getting himself killed in the process. He didn't share it with an anxious Albus, but he found it a bit ironic that a vow that could so easily kill him was also responsible for keeping him alive in the darkest of times. When forced to choose whether or not to respond to a summons, or if he should leak information to one side or the other he simply tested against the vow. If it was the right decision nothing would happen, it if would help the Dark Lord a little too much, or somehow lead to him being murdered his wrist would begin to burn and he would know he needed to go with a different option.

"I'm asking you now as your lover not as your leader," Albus said softly from where he sat near the fire, a surprisingly cold storm front making it easy to forget that it was summer. "Did Tom send the dementors?"

"Albus I am telling you, as every possible persona that I could have, that I know nothing of a plan on the other side to send the dementors after Potter." Severus said with just a hint of ire. "From what I am able to understand through the chaos of everyone fighting for footing in the ranks, there has yet to be control exerted over Azkaban at all. He's far too focused on gaining the rest of the prophecy I failed to deliver."

Severus controlled it quickly, but Albus did not miss the tiny tremble that had run through his lover's frame at the thought of the punishment he had been inflicted with when a rather nasty invasion of the mind did not turn up even a word more of the prophecy for Tom Riddle. Albus had been nursemaid for several days when Severus had been unable to pull himself out of bed due to the terrible headache and burst blood vessels in his face, neck, eyes, and nose.

"I love you Severus," Albus said quietly, as he was wont to do anytime he thought of the terrible pain his lover had already succumbed too only months after the return of such an evil man.

"Dido," Severus said with a smirk, knowing just how endearing the muggle word had become to Albus as it was endowed with all the love that the three words he so wished to hear frequently would be.

* * *

"As it stands the Dark Lord is quiet focused on acquiring the contents of the prophecy he is not yet aware of," Severus drawled to the room at large. "That is not to say that he and his cronies have not found a certain level of entertainment in general bad behavior in their down time."

"You'd know all about his cronies wouldn't you ol' Snivvy," Sirius grumbled from his seat at the very corner of the table. "Still calling him Lord I see."

"Yes," Severus said in mock boredom, his voice snapping across the rapt audience before Albus could intervene. "I imagine it would be a difficult concept for a mind as small as yours to understand why it might be important to get in the habit of using certain terms regularly so that once does not slip up and use a more familiar word in the most un-opportune moment."

Severus immediately shut his mouth, realizing that he had almost told the group exactly what kind of moment could precipitate a slip on his part. He took enough verbal abuse from these men, he did not need to find himself defending exactly why it was difficult to remain silent on any bit of information while he was being tortured. They already thought him lower than dirt, what would they think if they knew the words that had almost tumbled from his mouth when his body had been invaded in the most horrible of ways?

"I do not believe terminology is particularly important," Albus said with a sternness in his voice that told both men to be quiet, and managed not to betray which side he would choose in the argument if he were forced to make such a choice. "What is important is discussing how exactly we intend to keep them out of the hall of prophecy."

"We have a bit of an advantage at the moment," Severus answered immediately. "The Dark Lord wishes to keep his return quiet, and as no one seems to believe you or Potter that he is back, he has thus far been successful. He will not launch any full scale attack to obtain the information he wishes to possess because it would give away his biggest weapon."

"An expert on the inner workings of Voldemort's mind I see," Sirius snapped yet again. "Birds of a feather and all that."

"It is my job to know how his mind works," Severus lashed out, his voice like whip. "Remind me again what yours is? Oh that's right. Sit. Stay. Good boy!"

"Severus," Albus said pointedly, his blue eyes harsh when they lit upon him. "That will be enough."

Severus nodded stiffly.

"I have nothing else to report," he said with less hostility in his voice. "Do you still require my presence?"

"I do not," Albus said in a softer voice that seemed to go unnoticed by the rest of the order.

"Then I shall depart," Severus answer as he swept out of the room.

He wondered as he made his way back to Spinner's end, where he fully expected Albus to meet him later, as had been determined by Severus being the first person to bring p a departure, if the other members of the order had ever figured out that he had never been asked to join, and as such should not technically be present at the meetings to begin with. There had never been an objection made, so he seemed fairly sure that they simply assumed he was one of them. It was probably for the best that they continued to believe that.

* * *

"Tell me of something good," Severus begged, his arms wrapped around his knees, wand tightly clenched in his right hand. "Convince me of the good in the world."

"Severus think of the good that has already begun to rally behind the effort to stop Tom Riddle," Albus said as he poured them each a glass of his strongest scotch. "Or perhaps you need something a bit more innocent? Think of the sweet little bud of relationships that seem to be brewing between a pair of order members as well as two out of the three in the golden trio. Which for the record I find it hysterically funny that you call them that."

"Oh Albus," Severus said with a chuckle that belayed the darkness that he still felt to some extent. "I come back to you fresh from an act of terror on a muggle woman taken hostage and you want to bring me back to the light with a story of love between a young woman and the man who very nearly killed me in my teens? You are a strange man."

"You laughed did you not?" Albus said with a quirked brow before he took a drink of his scotch and raised his glass in salute to the dark laugh. "Perhaps I don't have the right answer all of the time, but it seemed to work at least a little bit."

"It did help," Severus sighed lightly. "It was difficult tonight Albus. Even with my stomach fighting not to upended itself on the floor I felt the pull. I wanted to save the woman, but there was a piece of me that wanted to hold the cruciatus for as long as I could. There is something wrong with me."

"Would you say there was something wrong with me if I had been hit with a curse that compelled me to eat dirt?" Albus asked softly.

"Of course not," Severus scoffed.

"What is so different then about the curse you have been subjected too?" Albus asked just as lightly as if he were asking about the weather.

"You are not compelled to injure another!" Severus shouted, slamming his hand down on the side table in frustration.

"I believe the operative word in that sentence is compelled," Albus said firmly. "The day that you are free of the dark mark and you still desire to cause pain will be the only day that I agree in you possess any level of evil within you."

"If there were no evil in me I never would have taken the mark Albus," Severus said in a dead voice, the anger at least seeming to have bled away.

"If there were no evil in me I never would have pursued the deathly hallows to the extent that I did," Albus said in a quiet voice that matched Severus's except for the life that remained in it. "And I would not have unwittingly created the doctrine with which Grindewald terrorized so many people."

"The idea of the greater good still has merit," Severus offered lightly. "It is how a person choose to employ such an idea that determines if it is evil or not."

"Much like a person's choice on how to deal with the influence of dark magic on their soul determines whether they are evil or not," Albus said so quietly it almost could not be heard.

Severus raised his glass in a silent acknowledgment to that statement, and drank to his silent promise to himself to always stay above that line of definition.

* * *

August 31rst was found to be a particularly stressing day for Albus not only because he found himself dreading the arrival of the ministry appointed defense against the dark arts teach (whom he was glad to have for the simple fact of not having to tell Severus he had willingly overlooked him for the position again), but because midway through the day Severus had been summoned. Given the hour of the summons it was likely to be a revel again, and Severus never returned from a revel in good spirits, and rarely returned in good health.

The battle for dominance amongst the ranks was still going, and while Severus could care less about ranking at the top, the need for him to be in such a place in order to have access to the most pertinent information was great. It left the dark man in a difficult position atop a slippery slope of dark magic that he must use in order to prove himself, and at the same time he found himself being attacked surreptitiously with the same magic by Death Eaters that wished to upset his footing in order to make ground in their own. Slytherins through and through is how Severus had chosen to describe them to Albus.

They had come to a point where Albus could suppress his nervous pacing, but he always sat in his office waiting up for the return of Severus. Tonight seemed to be taking much longer than most nights did, and with each hour that passed without his return Albus grew steadily more anxious. Albus managed to keep his head long enough to welcome Dolores to the castle and show her to her chambers and her office, but then he had immediately returned to his office and to his pacing.

The hours ticked away bringing them from evening to night, and darkness was drowning the grounds. Albus continually checked the wards, but it wasn't until nearly three in the morning when he felt the slight ripple in the wards that told him that Severus had arrived. He focused his attention in on the break in the trees where Severus had entered, in lue of drawing attention to an open gate, and hurried to the window in his office that would give him a view of that area of the grounds.

Albus pulled up short when he saw the black form, nearly invisible in the darkness that was slumped against the base of a tree. He might now have realized that it were Severus if he weren't attempting to crawl home, but failing to find the strength to do it. Albus was flying out of his office and down to Severus before he knew it.

The quivering puddle of a man moaning at the base of the tree could not be Severus, Albus was certain of that. But the blood coated hair was black, and the dark mark stood out on his limp arm. It was Severus, but he was so unrecognizable that Albus found there was no air even here outside by a tree.

"Severus," Albus said softly, pushing the wet hair back to reveal his face, and the gash in his hairline that explained all the blood.

"Albus," he said softly with a gurgle to his words that spoke of blood sitting in his mouth. "I slipped."

"You fell?" Albus asked for clarification, as he pulled the younger man into his arms, letting his back rest against his chest.

"No," Severus sighed, his weight sinking further into Albus as he allowed his body to relax.

"You slipped up?" Albus asked quietly, feeling Severus nod weakly against his shoulder. "Has your cover been blown?"

"No," Severus said again, sounding a bit weaker than the last time. "I've gained ground there, not that I look it."

Albus could hardly hear him, and what he did hear didn't add up when faced with the bloody body that seemed to be hovering on the edge of death. He decided that he would have to wait for answers, and instead set to work healing the open wounds while they were still seated on the grounds. Severus was going to need more care, but stopping the blood long enough to get him to the potion stores seemed like the place to start.

"We need to get inside," Severus murmured sleep starting to fill his voice. "I need sleep."

"You can't sleep yet Severus," Albus told him as he cast a lightening charm on him so he could carry him easily to the castle. "Stay awake until we get some potions in you."

Severus fell quiet as Albus walked across the ground. Albus wasn't sure if he was awake, but he knew he was alive from the warm breath that was panting against his neck just beneath his ear. He focused on that to push his panic away and hurried across the grounds.

"I slipped," Severus said again, in a tiny whispered that Albus would have missed if his mouth hadn't been so close to his ear. "I gave in to the urge, and I joined in the torture more than I needed too. I didn't think I'd stop."

"Did you stop, soon enough I mean," Albus asked as he climbed the stairs and shifted Severus's weight so he could open the castle doors.

"I did, they didn't," he sighed, gripping the lapel of Albus's robe in what was probably supposed to be a tight fist. "The vow stopped me, but the jerk of my arm was mistaken for the beginning of an attack on a fellow death eater."

"Was there a duel?" Albus asked, his heart rate picking up as he descended the steps into the dungeon.

"Yes," Severus said, his voice growing gravelly. "I won."

"If this is winning I don't want to see the other guy," Albus whispered.

"This was my punishment for nearly killing McNair," Severus sighed, and then he grew far too quiet, and Albus realized he had stopped breathing.

The world seemed to blur around him as he rushed into Severus's chambers and began plying him with potions and casting every healing spell he knew. It would be so much easier if he could take him to Poppy, but they couldn't afford to blow his cover. He worked through the night until Severus was breathing and a bit of color slowly bled back into his cheeks. When it was nearly time for the beginning of the year staff meeting, he woke the sleeping man and helped him through an awkward shower to remove the blood from his hair and skin. Severus was still fairly out of it so he made him drink some pepper up potion and then the pair of them walked up to the staff room as if they had simply run in to one another while out for a walk.

September first didn't look like it was going to be much better that the day before, but at least Severus was managing to stay upright in his chair. Even if he looked like he'd happily murder everyone in the staff room throughout the meeting. Albus tried to keep his focus, but his attention frequently wandered to the pale man who was clinging to the arm of his chair like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth. How were they going to get through the feast tonight?

* * *

"I believe I have secured my seat in the inner circle," Severus said as he paced before the headmaster's desk. "He has been looking to me for advice when he is unsure of that offered by Lucius. He seems to trust me."

"That is good," Albus said with a smile, and Severus knew he was thinking that this would make him safer.

"I think it is still a bit early for me to get away with feeding him false advice that is unsolicited," Severus continued. "But I think I will be safe giving him false information about what the Order is doing at the department of mysteries."

"That' very good," Albus smiled, digging through a bag for a perfectly round lemon drop. "And quite efficient, its three days until October, and you are already far ahead of my plans."

"I live to serve," Severus said sarcastically. "In all honesty I probably could have climbed through the ranks faster if I wished to give in to dark magic. He expects much from me considering my position; it was my hesitance that held me back."

"Well I am glad some good could come from the end of August," Albus said with a strained smile. "How are the urges today?"

"Manageable," Severus said quietly as he took a seat before the desk. "I will not slip again, I promise."

"I trust you Severus," Albus said, and it was the absolute certainty in his voice that soothed Severus.

* * *

"You know why she's put an end to student clubs don't you?" Severus said with a chuckle. "Because Potter has started his own secret society."

"Still keeping tabs on the boy?" Albus chuckled as he stirred the red sauce.

"It's habit by now," Severus said, returning to chopping the mushrooms. "Besides it's possible he could still trigger the vow, I need to know what is going on in his ridiculous life."

"So a secret society," Albus mused while he tasted the sauce, deciding to add a bit of thyme.

"Yes, they meet in the room of requirement." Severus said. "I believe this is what Mundungus overheard them talking about in the Hogshead."

"So it's a self-defense class of sorts," Albus questioned as Severus tipped the mushrooms off of the cutting board into the red sauce.

"So it would seem," Severus confirmed.

"That's good," Albus nodded as he returned to stirring. "They'll need that."

"Yes they will," Severus agreed. "It might be best if we can find a way to let more advanced defense books wander their way into Miss Granger's hands."

"Assuming that she is leading the group," Albus shrugged.

"It hadn't occurred to me that these students might allow Potter to teach them," Severus said as he quirked his head to the side. "Merlin help us all."

"You're awful," Albus laughed, stealing a kiss.

* * *

Halloween was never a good day for Severus, but Albus worried about just how bad of a day it would be when late in the evening he received a summons. He assured Albus there was nothing to worry about, saying that there wouldn't be a full meeting, as it hadn't burned strongly enough, but that wasn't enough to put the man's worry to rest. So yet another night saw him sitting in his office burning the midnight oil once more as he waited for Severus to come back.

He had plenty to occupy his mind what with the forced reorganization of the quidditch teams and the ever changing rules dictated by the educational decrees the ministry kept pushing through. He honestly attempted to draft out his plans for certain staff members that were vulnerable to Umbridge's growing power, but his eyes kept wandering to the clock and his mind to what Severus was doing.

He managed to keep himself from routinely checking the wards, so he was momentarily surprised when he heard someone enter the stairwell leading up to his office. He had composed himself by the time the door opened, and the absence of a knock told him it was Severus before he saw the head covered in dark hair swing in to view. He watched Severus closely as he walked toward the desk, taking inventory. There was no limp, he could not see any blood, his shoulders were low instead of pulled tightly up to his ears like they usually were when he was in pain.

"I am uninjured, you can stop checking," Severus chuckled as he slid silkily into a seat before the desk. "This was a strategy meeting."

Albus was hesitant to even ask when he saw how the mirth drained out of his lover's face.

"Yes it's bad," Severus said softly, easily reading the silence. "He is planning to break the other death eaters out of Azkaban. It is a very small group of us that have been selected to help with the plan. Which… limits my ability to affect the outcome without revealing myself."

"Who has been selected for this special operations team?" Albus asked, setting down the quill he had been idly twirling between his fingers.

"Myself, Lucius, and McNair,' Severus said quietly. "I suspect the latter is the Dark Lord's misguided attempt to smooth over any lingering issues from the bloody duel."

"A very small team then, no I think you will have to play the role to perfection this time Severus," Albus said quietly as he looked long and hard at the wall behind his lover's head. "I think you will have to release those that have been locked away, and leave us to deal with it later. Your life outweighs the disturbance."

"Would you still say that if you were not my lover?" Severus asked slyly.

"If I weren't your lover I would instead value the life of my spy," Albus answered easily. "Either way my answer wouldn't change."

"If you say so love," Severus said, and he pretended not to notice the way Albus lit up at the little endearment. "Can we go to bed now? It's been a dreadfully long day."

"Yes please," Albus smiled and he stood taking Severus's hand gently as he made his way toward his chambers.

* * *

"With all this madness it's hard to remember what it is that my priority is supposed to be this week," Severus sighed tiredly as he slid under blanket beside Albus. "Am I to bemoan my teams loss against Gryffindor at the last quidditch match, or perhaps rejoice at the Potter and Weasley lifetime ban. Should I focus my concern on the fact that Umbridge has been given further power over the school? Or perhaps I should focus on the fact that Hagrid has finally returned from his voyage to the giants? Then of course there is the spying, and the plotting to be thought of."

"I think for the moment you should forget all of that," Albus said as he wrapped his arms around his lover. "You should focus on not focusing at all so you can get some sleep. All of that will keep until morning."

"Even for a mast occlumens it is not so easy to simply shut of my mind," Severus grumbled, though he did nestle in closer to Albus's chest. "There are many questions that will not be silenced."

"In this room you don't need to pretend to care about quidditch, I won't even ask you to put on airs about actually caring about teaching," Albus whispered into silky black hair. "Hagrid has already made his report, and tonight is not the night that we try to deal with the giants siding against us. Dolores cannot touch you as your skill is undeniable so you need to not worry about her that is better left to me. For tonight at least you do not have to spy or plan a mass breakout from a prison, so yes you can in fact ignore all of that. It will keep Severus."

"Yes sir," Severus chuckled before pressing a kiss to the chest his face was resting against. "I couldn't do any of this without you Albus."

"I love you too Severus," Albus sighed happily before he began running his fingers through black hair and humming gently in hopes that his fretful lover would calm enough to fall asleep.

* * *

"There is a growing unrest," Severus said quietly as he sipped at the mug of hot chocolate Albus had made for him. "Since the incident with Bode, there is more concern about how to obtain the prophecy, and each plan seems a little more desperate than the last."

"How long do we have before they enact one of their desperate plans?" Albus asked as he dipped a bit of sweet bread into his own mug.

"I think it will be some time yet," Severus said quietly. "Honestly I expect a show of force on the Dark Lord's part long before the death eaters engage in any hair brained schemes."

"Perhaps I should increase the guard at the ministry" Albus mused, mostly to himself, as he began tapping his index finger against his chin.

"I think that would only make an attack more likely." Severus hedged. "I think it would be safer to increase how frequently we send portraits to observe things, but not actually people as it would send up a red flag."

"If you are sure…" Albus said, and it was clear that he wasn't sure.

"Prepare the guard, let them know it's more dangerous as the Dark Lord slips closer to a loss of a temper," Severus explained before throwing back all of his hot chocolate as if it were a shot of fire whiskey. "Just don't incite that slip by acting rashly."

Albus nodded quietly, but Severus could see that his mind had wandered. His eyes had clouded and the worry was slowly creeping into his face as the many lines seemed to deepen. It was nights like this that reminded him how much his lover had aged, and he felt a weight settle in his heart as the thought of what all this war could take from him hit him yet again. How much could Albus take before it was too much? How much could Severus?

* * *

They were both dead asleep in the head master's chambers when the trilling alarm woke them both. At first Severus was disoriented, but then he was able to place the sound with the memory of Albus placing a ward on the stair well leading up to his office so he would never be surprised by a visitor in the middle of the night.

"Stay in bed," Albus said groggily as he pulled himself quickly out of bed and threw a dressing gown over his night shirt.

Severus sat in the darkness listening intently as Albus closed to door and most likely went to take a seat behind his desk and await whoever it was that was climbing up the stairs.

"Oh, it's you, Professor McGonagall ... and ... ah." Severus heard Albus say out in the office.

"Professor Dumbledore, Potter has had a ... well, a nightmare,' said Professor McGonagall in a somewhat shrill voice that echoed through the closed door. "He says ..."

"It wasn't a nightmare," said Harry quickly and Severus stopped listening as intently as he had been.

So it had happened then he thought to himself as he fought not to groan and give away the fact that there was still someone in the bedroom. Albus had been suspicious of the connection between the Dark Lord and Harry for a while now, and he had told Severus that it was only a matter of time before Harry saw something that he really wasn't supposed to. From what he was hearing in the other room, it seemed pretty clear that Harry had witnessed an attack at the ministry from the perspective of the Dark Lord.

Severus slid out of bed and began to silently traded his nightshirt for black robes and leather boots. There would be either celebration or punishment tonight, but he knew without question he would have to go to the Dark Lord shortly, and he could only hope that the summons would come after the others had left the office so he could slip away undetected. He stood in the darkness listening to the conversation taking place in the other room as the others worked to save Arthur Weasley and get the students out of the building with a distant interest. Instead he was rapidly building memories in his mind of a much different awakening, coming from Albus after being informed by a portrait about what had happened. He created memories that had nothing to do with Potter, but his supposed master coming to him for advice on what to do. This is what the Dark Lord would want to see, a memory that made him believe his spy to have power over his enemy.

He replayed the memory again and again until he believed it himself. He kept going with the repetition long after he heard everyone leave the office, and beyond when Albus came back into the bedroom and began dressing himself. He heard his own voice informing Albus that a summons would be coming soon and that he did not know when he would return, but still he was living inside his head, building up those memories so they would survive any invasion.

It was just as Albus embraced him tightly before turning to depart himself that the burning erupted in his arm. It was a strong burn that nearly turned him stomach and to him that meant a full meeting. That made celebration seem more likely than punishment but he did not allow himself to feel hopeful before arriving and getting a taste of the atmosphere. He quickly pulled on his death eater's mask and then using a privilege bestowed upon the head master that only went one way he apparated out of the castle, appearing at the gates of the Malfoy manner in the blink of an eye.

* * *

Albus had been so wrapped up in the emergency situation that he had been presented with that it didn't occur to him to worry about sending Severus off to meet the Dark Lord. His mind was not at all focused on the fact that Severus had slipped recently and seemed to be struggling on a slippery slope at the moment. None of that had been on his mind, but it came rushing to the forefront with a horrible clarity when Severus appeared in the castle once more.

There was enough of his Severus present that the dark man appeared in the head master's office in the early morning hours, but other than that the man before him was nearly unrecognizable. His eyes burned with a terrible fire that told Albus hatred had slipped it's leash long before he attempted to delve inside and see what was present there.

He took in the sight of skin marred by black lines on every exposed inch, the seemingly ink filled veins fighting to take dominance over his lover's face as he moved into the office. Albus was disturbed by the unnatural way he moved, his movements jerky and fluid at the same time, giving the impression of something not of this world as he moved from the door directly to the liquor cabinet. Albus met the resistance of Severus's mind as he attempted to see what he was thinking, and felt a coldness grow inside him as Severus chuckled darkly and threw back three shots of fire whiskey in rapid succession.

"Severus?" he asked quietly, hoping gentleness might bring Severus back from whatever dark place had him triggering his vow to destroy the Dark Lord so heavily.

"Aren't you going to celebrate with me love?" Severus replied his voice so silky it seemed to caress Albus.

Any pleasure derived from the voice was immediately wiped away as the words settled upon him, and Severus moved lighting fast across the room so he was suddenly pressing his body tightly against his, pressing him into the wall. This close Albus could see the lack of sanity in his eyes before he dipped his head and began to kiss a fiery trail down the column of his throat.

"What has happened Severus?" Albus asked, fighting to avoid the distraction of lust that grew in him from his lover's actions.

"My master is very happy," Severus whispered against his collarbone before letting his tongue dart out to trace the line cut by the bone and flesh. "I've been rewarded for refraining from allowing the boy to build mental defenses against the Dark Lord. I have been tasked to further weaken his mind so my Lord can invade it for future plans. He is so pleased to realize he can enter the brat's mind."

Albus choked on his fears as he listened to Severus speak. He was afraid of what this connection meant. He was afraid of what would happen now that Riddle was aware of it. He was very afraid of the way that Severus was speaking, as if he were truly loyal to Tom Riddle. He could feel Severus pulling his robes open, and he was unsure of how safe it was to even try to stop him when he seemed to be drowning in darkness.

"Severus, my love," Albus said quietly, as he took the now lined face in his hands and forced the younger man to meet his eyes. "What have you done tonight?"

"I have taken my reward with gratefulness in my heart," he said simply, and Albus noticed that his black eyes seemed to grow darker.

He was turning into something unrecognizable and it made Albus very afraid. He did not know how to turn Severus back, so he went for his first instinct. He shoved Severus from him forcefully, pulling his robe closed once more and glaring down at the man that now sat sprawled on the ground with confusion tightening his brow.

"I said what have you done Severus Snape!" He thundered at him, allowing anger he did not actually feel to fill his eyes.

"I did as I was told," he said quietly, searching the eyes of the man above him and seeming honestly confused that he was not pleased with him. "I tortured the mudblood bitch, and it was by my hand that she died."

Albus sucked in a breath and fought not to collapse under the weight of what had just happened. Severus was nearly out of his mind with the influence of dark magic. He was so out of it that Albus was rather certain that Severus, the true Severus, had not yet connected the dots to how monumental his slip had been. Albus was sure his lover hadn't realized that for the first time in his life he had real blood on his hands; for the first time his soul was actually marred with murder instead of torture. Again it was on instinct that Albus acted, and his hand flew through the air, disrupting the silence between them when it collided fiercely with his lover's cheek.

"Look me in the eye and tell me again how you enjoyed murdering an innocent woman," Albus thundered, and his saw the flinch that rippled through the dark man's body as his words finally sunk in.

"What?" he gasped, the color draining from his skin rapidly, making the fading black lines even more striking against the whiteness.

Albus was gentle this time as he lowered himself into a crouch and took the other man's face into his hands, tilting his head up so he could watch his eyes lighten and the black lines begin to recede from his body.

"Do you know what you've done tonight Severus?" Albus asked quietly.

Impossibly Severus grew even whiter, and Albus could see him begin to crumble as his sane mind attempted to process everything he had done. He began to tremble and a light sheen of sweat broke out on his head before he threw himself to the side and retched violently. Severus began to sob, and Albus could hear him asking himself what he had done over and over again.

"Oh God," Severus cried out, as Albus pulled him into his embrace. "What have I done? What have I done?"

Albus shushed him and began to rock him gently. The last thing he needed right now was for Albus to agree that his behavior tonight had been wretched. Severus had surely split his soul tonight, and only time would tell just how much damage had been wrought there.

"She had children," Severus sobbed. "I created a widower and children without a mother. What have I done Albus?"

Again Albus could not answer him, what was there to say? There were no words that could make this better.

"What have I become?" Severus choked out as he gripped the arms holding him more tightly.

"You are still my Severus," Albus said firmly.

"I am an animal," Severus raged, suddenly trying to free himself from the embrace.

"You were perhaps and animal when you arrived in this office tonight," Albus relented. "But an animal would not be able to feel remorse for his actions. Would not do his best to make amends in the only way he can."

"How can I hope to make up for what I have done tonight?" Severus sighed, all the fight draining out of his body as he melted into Albus.

"By fighting the darkness and the Dark Lord," Albus said softly, whispering into his ear as he returned to rocking him. "Help me to stop him in every way that we can. Help me prepare Harry to defend his mind. Help me to increase the security around the prophecy. Help me Severus."

"Always," Severus said almost reverently, and Albus was relieved to hear a bit of the fight return to him.

"Can you sleep?" Albus asked him as he stopped rocking them from side to side.

"I cannot," Severus groaned. "But I would like to hold you while you sleep if you will allow it."

"I would like that very much Severus," Albus said, and the two men climbed to their feet and returned to the bedroom.

* * *

"What is it that's troubling you?" Albus asked as he once again tried to get Severus to start chopping carrots for him.

"I don't know which is worse," Severus said after a long time, his eyes locked on the wall. "Fighingt with Black about whether or not I am evil, or knowing that I am."

"You are not evil Severus," Albus said softly, setting aside the spoon he was stirring his sauce with and taking two limp hands in his own. "Sirius is angry about being cooped up I his families home, and looking for anything to entertain himself. A stupid fight with you was probably the height of entertainment for him. Do not allow his words to settle in your mind, for they mean absolutely nothing."

"Isn't he right though?" Severus asked sadly, turning black eyes to meet blue ones finally. "Did I not accept the task of weakening Potter's mind?"

"But you won't do it," Albus said in a certain voice, leaving no room for doubt. "One slip does not a monster make."

"And two slips, what does that make Albus," Severus asked quietly sounding weak, though his hands began to grip Albus's tightly.

"A human," Albus said quietly. "All humans are fallible. We make mistakes."

"Well I must be very human then," Severus sighed, before sliding off the counter and setting to work cutting the carrots for their dinner.

* * *

"The boy will be the death of me," Severus grumbled as they climbed into bed. "He is absolutely pants at clearing his mind. I swear he isn't even trying."

"His mind does not work like yours or even mine," Albus said lightly. "You must be patient."

"We do not have time for patience," Severus sighed, putting out the lamps with a lazy flick of the wrist. "Each day the Dark Lord plots on how to best use the mental connection, and at the rate Potter is progressing I may as well be actively weakening his mind."

"We will find a way Severus," Albus said, filling his voice with more optimism than he was actually feeling.

Severus seemed to be slipping further into a pit of despair by the day, Albus could not afford to give an inch. Instead he found himself on the verge of telling outright lies when they spoke of the war, in an effort to cheer his lover.

* * *

"Tonight is the night," Severus said stiffly as he dressed in his blackest robes and sought out his silver mask.

"Should an attempt at capture happen, be sure you are not amongst those who get caught," Albus said nervously as he fussed with the green coverlet on the bed they had been sharing in the dungeon.

"Of course," Severus nodded. "Try and prepare the Order for what this means will you?"

"I think it's best we let them think we didn't know it was coming," Albus said lightly. "I don't fancy trying to explain why I allowed a mass breakout to happen."

"I suppose just using my value as a spy wouldn't cut it this time would it?" Severus chuckled darkly. "A pity that we can't just tell them you wouldn't send your lover off to slaughter."

"I almost wonder if I should just tell everyone," Albus said wistfully, his mind wandering yet again to all the options he hadn't tried for breaking through the sadness that had grown within Severus.

"It would do more harm than good at this point," Severus sighed. "They may even stop believing in you as a leader, and we simply can't afford that."

"No I suppose we can't," Albus sighed, his back stiffening as Severus started walking toward the door. "Do be careful won't you?"

"Of course," Severus smiled at him. "I have every intention of returning to you tonight, so do not worry for me."

"You ask the impossible." Albus sighed.

"I know," Severus sighed in return, a darkness falling upon his features once more.

And just like that he had spun away and left Albus sitting alone and only half dressed in the potion master's chambers wondering if he would indeed come home to him tonight.

* * *

"Do you think it wise for both of us to be out of the castle today," Severus asked as he followed Albus into his cabin that was nestled away in the Scotland woods. "I know its Valentine's day, but the Dark Lord does like to stage attacks on holidays."

"There will be no talk of the war today," Albus said firmly as he lead Severus into the living room that was already lit with a cheery fire.

"Yes sir," Severus said with a mock salute. "What have we here?"

Albus followed his eyes to the massage table he had transfigured from the couch for tonight's purposes. He felt a smile twitching his beard as the recognition of the possibilities registered for Severus and his eyes grew dark with a tempting hunger. Albus was sorely tempted to allow Severus to act out whatever he was imagining, but tonight he wanted to pamper Severus, not be pampered by him.

"This is my gift to you," he said in a deep voice and ushered Severus a little closer to the table. "I think I must enforce last year's rule however and ban clothing for the evening.

"Oh and how terrible that will be," Severus joked as he began to unbutton the many buttons on his frock coat.

"I will warn you now, that tonight is about me showing my love for you," Albus said as he began to remove his own clothing. "I am going to pamper you, and I will not even listen to protests Severus."

Severus quirked his brow but he did not argue. Instead he simply removed what was left of his clothing and lay face down on the table, slowly letting all of the tension bleed out of his limbs. Albus smiled at how much his lover trusted him, and began to work essential oils in the scarred back beneath his hands. Severus groaned occasionally, but mostly there was silence in the room save for the sound of hands sliding over skin, and the fire popping.

"I do not deserve you," Severus sighed quietly as Albus worked.

"You will always be worthy of my love Severus," Albus vowed fervently, as he tapped his hip gently and urged him to roll over onto his back.

* * *

"Damn," Severus groaned as he slumped into the chair before the head master's desk. "It's been long enough since I've been punished that I forgot how bad the aftershocks of the cruciatus can hurt."

"Why were you punished?" Albus asked as he drew his wand and began casting the cooling charm he knew would sooth the frayed nerves that had been tormented tonight.

"As my spy, not to mention the man who has been tinkering around inside the boys mind I expected better from you," Severus said in a high voice as he imitated the Dark Lord. "How well can you be doing inside his mind if you did not even see his plot to reveal the names of my inner circle to the general public."

"You were punished for the article?" Albus scoffed. "I'd like to get my hands on Tom right about now, that arrogant fool. Surely he must know how difficult it is to control a teenage boy and his friends."

"I am expected to be in control of everything," Severus said with a relieved sigh as the coldness seeped further into his body and began to relax the pain away. "And he does have a point that I should have seen something like this coming. I have not been up to my standard as of late."

"You've every right to be tired and worn," Albus offered quietly. "I still believe in your abilities."

"As do I," Severus agreed easily. "I will just have to work a little harder to make them more apparent to the Dark Lord. Besides the article was good, I would take a punishment for it again if I had to."

Albus smirked at how close Severus had gotten to giving Harry Potter a compliment. It was strange how things had changed over the years. Severus would never admit to any love Harry Potter, but Albus was rather certain that his love had so much care for the boy that he would walk the plank for him. The happiness dimmed within him when he realized that he might one day have to ask Severus to do just that.

* * *

Severus could not believe that it had happened again. Albus had been driven from the castle by the interfering ministry. Once again he found himself alone and somewhat bereft. Mostly he felt anger each night that he returned to his empty chambers and went to be alone. He knew it was highly likely that Albus was hidden away at Spinner's End once more, but the staff was all being watched so closely that he couldn't afford to make the trip to see him. Instead he had to save the few nights he was able to slip away from responding to a summons.

He grew weary as each day went on, drawing them closer to whatever plan the Dark Lord had come up with, that Severus worryingly was not being included in. But nothing caused him as much angst as the end of his lessons with Potter. At first he had felt only rage at the invasion of his privacy, but now he felt genuine fear. What if he failed them all? What if the Dark Lord struck now, when Potter was at his weakest? It was only the fact that his vow had not been triggered that allowed Severus to keep from forcing Potter back into lessons. He tried to tell himself that meant he was on the right track, but in his heart he knew that was wrong.

Time moved strangely as he floated through life without Albus to anchor him. Lessons, revels, attacks, staff meetings, insane student behavior, it all blurred together into one long day as stumbled through life utterly lost. He felt the tug of darkness trying to drag him under, and his life became an effort to tread water longer enough to reach the end of the school year.

The water seemed to swell high over his head when Minerva was struck down by an attack, and Hagrid was run from the grounds as well. Severus was the last Order member present in the castle and he was literally terrified of how vulnerable the school had become. He fought very hard to keep that deep within his mind whenever the Dark Lord questioned him. It would be far too easy to stage an attack right now. Far too easy to change the tide in this war. He had to hope that the Dark Lord would remain cautious and thus save them all.

He did not stay cautious enough, that much Severus was sure of when he was summoned to Umbridge's office and discovered that Harry Potter thought that Sirius Black was being held hostage in the ministry. Severus could feel it in his bones that the Dark Lord was behind this, and he knew that no matter the efforts he made to stop this plan from moving forward, those children would appear in the ministry tonight, and if he couldn't work quickly enough, they would die there.

He fled to headquarters, not bothering to worry about being seen, and discovered that just as he had thought, Sirius Black was home and well. He quickly disseminated everything he knew, and set the Order into motion. He was graced with a glimpse of Albus, though no affection could be shared, before he was told to remain at headquarters in order to keep his cover intact.

So he sat alone in the dreary kitchen, feeling impotent as everyone went off to fight a battle that he had to pretend wasn't happening. Twice his dark mark flared, so he focused his mind on creating the memory of the stupid mission of investigation into supposed death eaters Albus had sent him on. He built vivid memories as to why that kept him from responding to the summons, and used real fear to create his believable remorse for not responding.

All of the work seemed for not when Albus returned to him look like death himself. He could sense the depletion of both his spirit and his magic, and he knew without asking that he and the Dark Lord had dueled. There was a haunted look in his eyes that made Severus want to refrain from asking what had happened, but he did anyway. When he learned that Black was dead, Potter had been possessed, and the ministry now knew that Voldemort was back he wished he hadn't asked. Between his students nearly dying, and the fact that the Dark Lord would no longer feel the need to be cautious, Severus thought he might be ill. Instead of retching however, he lead Albus into the fire and they flooed back to the headmaster's office so Severus could take him in his arms and try valiantly to convince him that everything would be okay in the end. Even if it wouldn't, not really.

* * *

The second the students had boarded the train Albus and Severus departed for their island. They knew their time there would be extremely limited this summer, but they desperately needed whatever time they could get. Somehow though, the sun wasn't quite as warm this year, the ocean not quite as soothing.

They swam, and the sun bathed, and they shared their love with one another, but still there was a darkness that lingered. They softened a bit, tension slowly bleeding out of them as they gave themselves over to the island. But it couldn't last.

Five days in to their vacation Severus was summoned, and the decision was made that they would leave early. Much would be expected of Severus as plans to sieze the wizarding world took hold, and Albus could not afford to risk his life with selfishness. Albus had plans of his own to unfold this summer. So it was on the beach of their island that they shared a desperate kiss, and whispered their love, knowing that there was a chance that one of them might not even survive the summer. This moment on the beach in the failing sunlight could be their last, and they were very afraid.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Songs for this chapter: My Skin by Natalie Merchant and Wade In The Water by Sweet Honey In The Rock**_

* * *

Severus had been lucky enough to leave a revel without being forced to do anything heinous. He had just gotten back to Spinner's End and was intent on sliding into bed and sleeping for as long as he could manage it when a cloud of flame erupted in his room and he suddenly found himself staring at Fawkes with his heart lodged somewhere in his chest. There could be only one reason that Albus would send the bird, and that meant at this moment he was physically unable to conjure a patronus.

Severus kept his eyes locked on Fawkes while he dug through his pockets looking for the potion he kept on him at all times when he might be summoned to the meeting meant to end his life. When his hand closed on the flask full of potion he let himself take a breath before resting his hand on the bird before him. There was a flash of fire and Severus disappeared from his home a reappeared in the headmaster's office.

His heart started slamming in his chest when he saw the older man leaning over the side of his chair nearly unconscious. I quick inventory revealed a hand that was rapidly growing black from a putrefying curse. Severus scooped a goblet up off the desk and poured the clear potion into it. The air would turn it gold within just a few second and then it would be ready. He drew his wand and began casting any counter curse he could think of in an effort to stop the progression of that black flesh.

Severus worked quickly, his senses overwrote as he forced a potion down his lovers throat, worked his wand over the blackened hand, noted the sword of Gryffindor on the desk and an ancient looking cracked ring on the desk, and all the while he listened to the faint breathing as it slowly passed from gurgling to even.

"Why," Severus asked, struggling to keep emotion from his voice. "Why did you put on that ring? It carries a curse, surely you realized that. Why even touch it?"

"I...was a fool. Sorely tempted..." Albus answered, his grimace telling Severus more than his words.

Severus leaned forward to get a closer look at the ring.

"Tempted by what?" Severus asked stiffly as he used a tissue to pluck the ring up from the desk and investigate the cracked ring.

Albus looked up at Severus, his words catching in his throat, and even without being able to make out the distorted emblem on the ring Severus knew what he wasn't able to say.

"You promised me," he choked, dropping the ring back onto the desk. "You swore to me that you would leave the deathly hallows alone."

"Severus," Albus cringed, slumping deeper into the chair for a moment before pulling himself up into a proper seated position with a grunt. "It was a slip."

"A slip?" Severus questioned, his hackles raising. "A slip is holding a curse too long. A slip is perhaps paying a little too much attention to the wand that you have in your possession. This was not a slip."

"Severus, I have forgiven every slip you've had," Albus whispered. "Will you not give me the same gift?"

"You want me to forgive you for killing yourself?" Severus shouted. "For what? A chance to see Ariana again?"

"Severus," Albus moaned, his eyes falling closed in pain.

Severus was at his side in a flash. He brushed the back of his hand across the cheekbone of his lover in a soothing gesture, his anger bleeding away in a heartbeat. He was absolutely terrified, and had no idea what he was supposed to do now so he held on to his anger.

"It is a miracle you managed to return here!" Snape sounded furious. "That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being."

Severus seemed to lose focus on the conversation as they discussed what had happened to lead them to this point. He wasn't tracking the words that passed between them as he stared at that blackened hand. He could see that the curse had stopped progressing at the moment, but he knew he hadn't stopped it entirely. He knew that their time was suddenly measured in months, perhaps only weeks, and his heart rippled with pain at the very idea of Albus leaving him.

"Certainly not. You must kill me." Albus said, and Severus felt his already injured heart shatter.

Silence filled the room, other than the sound of Fawkes eating. Severus could not find words. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to break things, but he did none of that.

"Would you like me to do it now?" asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"

"Oh, not quite yet," said Dumbledore, smiling. "I daresay the moment will present itself in due course. Given what has happened tonight," he indicated his withered hand, "we can be sure that it will happen within a year."

"If you don't mind dying," said Snape roughly, "why not let Draco do it?"

"That boy's soul is not yet so damaged," said Dumbledore. "I would not have it ripped apart on my account."

"And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?" Severus choked, feeling the first tears burning his eyes, though he fought valiantly to keep them from falling

"You would not be killing me in anger. You would not feel malice as you transferred me from on world to another would you?" Albus whispered. "I am asking you to ease my passing, and to protect a student from stepping onto a very dark path."

"No Albus you are asking me to rip my heart from my chest and murder my only reason for living," Severus whispered, his voice barely audible due to the lump in his throat. "And then not only do you ask me to keep living, but you expect me to stay here at Hogwarts, right here in this office because you know that is where the Dark Lord with put me."

"It is for the greater good Severus," Albus sighed tiredly. "All of it would have been wasted if we let my death end it all."

"My soul cannot survive it," Severus groaned.

"You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation," said Dumbledore. "I ask this one great favor of you, Severus, because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year's league. I confess I should prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved. I hear Voldemort has recruited him? Or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it."

He hesitated, his heart seeming to pulse with pain as he looked into the blue eyes. Finally he nodded, knowing even as it felt like his soul was dying that he could not say no to this man.

"Thank you, Severus..."this Albus," Severus whispered.

* * *

Severus had poured every drop of his potion that he had nicknamed Hail Mary into Albus until life seemed to come back to him. He spent every moment at his side, nursing color back in to his cheeks, and praying that the blackness in his hand would not spread. Albus lasted a week before he was off on another mission, not even allowing Severus to know what it was, except that it involved Harry Potter.

Severus hadn't gotten much chance to be angry with him, no sooner had the tail of his robes disappeared from around the corner the dark mark on Severus's arm began to burn. He pulled his shrunken mask and cloak from his pocket and returned them to their rightful size. He donned them as he hurried from along the same path out of the castle Albus had just taken. He drove all thoughts of Albus from his mind as he apparated along the invisible line that pulled him to the Dark Lord. He had one second to realize that he was in trouble, and apparently summoned for a private meeting with the Dark Lord.

"Bella's told me a very interesting story Severus," the Dark Lord hissed. "Is it true you've taken an unbreakable vow to kill Albus Dumbledore?"

"No," Severus answered quickly.

It was the wrong answer; he was immediately hit with a slicing hex across the abdomen that brought him to his knees.

"Try again," Voldemort growled.

"No it wasn't to kill Albus Dumbledore," Severus panted, pressing his hand to the wound and wincing when he felt something other than blood trying to leak out of the gash. "It was to help Draco Malfoy complete his task."

"Did I give you an order to interfere with the boy?" Voldemort seethed.

"No my lord," Severus answer with a deferential bow of the head.

Severus felt another slicing hex cleave his back open and he hated that he had ever invented the curse, let alone handed it over to the man that was now torturing him with it. His back was flaming but he kept his hands firmly in place on his abdomen to keep his intestines from falling out.

"Do you believe yourself to know better than I?" Voldemort thundered, apparently now standing over Severus. "Do you?"

Severus winced when a white hand tangled in his hair and wrenched his head back and forced him to look into furious red eyes.

"No my lord," he coughed, very aware of the fact that blood had begun dripping from the corner of his mouth.

"Do not go behind my back again, or I will not be so merciful," the dark lord barked, as he drew his wand across Severus's collar bone, slicing his skin open far too close to his carotid artery for comfort. "Get out of my sight."

Severus wrapped his billowing cloak as tightly around his abdomen as he could, and then he apparated from where he was knelt on the ground. The pressure was excruciating, forcing even more blood from his wounds. As soon as he felt the grass before the Hogwarts gates he allowed himself to slump over onto the ground, instinctively searching his pockets for the one potion that might keep him from bleeding out, but his hands came up empty.

With a groan of pain he remembered feeding the last bit of it to Albus before he left for his mission. He drew his wand with a blood soaked, shaking hand, and he quickly sent a patronus to Albus before casting a stasis charm on himself.

His wand clattered to the ground as he lost consciousness. He was lost to the world under his own spell, so he did not see Albus arrive a few minutes later with panic in his eyes. Albus left him in stasis while he cleaned and healed his wounds, taking special care with the intestines that found themselves outside his body. When there were no wounds left to spill blood Albus removed the charm and waited to see if any blood would appear to reveal a wound that he had missed. No blood came, so he levitated the body of his unconscious lover up to the castle where he could ply him with blood replenishing potions and tuck him safely into bed. He wanted desperately to know why Severus had nearly been killed tonight, but he didn't dare wake him before his body was ready to find out.

* * *

"We make quite the pair don't we," the rough voice pulled Albus out of a half sleep, and drew his eyes to the now awake man in his bed.

"You almost died Severus, what happened?" Albus asked as he crossed from his chair to sit on the end of the bed and hold his lover's hand with his healthy one.

"Bellatrix is a nasty piece of work," Severus grumbled, wincing through a failed attempt to role on his side. "She forces me in to an Unbreakable Vow, and then she reports it to the Dark Lord as if I was sneaking around making plans behind his back."

"So you were punished for insurrection?" Albus asked tightly.

"It was a warning, for a perceived slip of the ego," Severus explained his voice cracking. "I imagine it would be much more lethal if he learned about an actual attempt to disrupt his attempt to take over the free world."

"Well let's hope that never happens," Albus said wearily as he conjured a glass and filled it with water.

He was careful as he helped him drink the water; careful not to jostle him, and careful not to touch him with his injured hand. He saw the way Severus flinched anytime he looked at it, he didn't want to torture him further.

"You need more potion," Severus said as he tried to push the blankets off to get out of bed.

"No Severus," Albus said, holding him down onto the bed with all the strength he had. "I feel okay at the moment, and any need for potion with keep until morning."

"If I weren't so tired, I'd hit you for being so stupid,' Severus sighed, but he gave up and settled back against the mattress. "Lay with me?"

Albus lay down quickly, on his side so he could see Severus. He pushed the blanket down and traced his fingers gently over the light pink lines that were marring his flat stomach.

"I'm not nearly as good as Poppy," he whispered as he snuggled a little closer. "You gained quite a few scars tonight."

"Sectumpseptra always leaves a scar," Severus sighed, catching Albus's hand and holding it tightly against his abdomen. "NO matter the skill of the healer."

-`-'-

"I expected a mixed reaction to my new appointment," Severus said as he poured himself a glass of scotch. "But I must admit that I did not expect such explicit anger."

"The Slytherin students seemed very happy," Albus offered as he poured a flask of the potion that was fighting to keep him alive into a goblet.

"You're golden boy is hoping that I die," Severus growled before slamming his entire glass of scotch.

"I was hoping that I heard wrong," Albus sighed, his shoulders falling as he deflated. "There is so little time left to try and prepare him, and he is so angry."

"He's a teenage boy, and he's lost quite a bit," Severus said charitably, though it sounded a bit odd coming from him. "But he has friends, something to turn to instead of the dark arts."

"How different do you think your life would have been if Lily had not turned her back on you?" Albus asked quietly.

Severus was quiet for a long time. He watched Albus finish his potion, and poured himself another glass of scotch. He was pensive and it made Albus nervous. He was desperate to take back his question as the silence stretched on.

"It wouldn't be much different," Severus said finally. "I'd already chosen my path, and nothing Lily was saying was going to turn me back. The only thing that might have been different would be the question of whether or not to come out of the closet."

"Really?" Albus asked, surprised that would even be on the table.

"Lily knew how it weighed on me to keep such a secret," Severus shrugged. "She wanted me to tell people so it wouldn't weigh on me. She wanted to kill the boys for the way they teased me."

"I remember that for the longest time James thought you were after Lily, and that fueled his hatred for you," Albus mused playing with his beard. "What was it that made them realize she wasn't your type?"

"Sirius noticed that I seemed to pay particular attention to Regalus," Severus sighed, sipping at his glass slowly.

"Did you two ever…"

"No Albus," Severus said with a dark laugh. "Regalus was attractive, but I liked the dark arts more."

Albus nodded dumbly and poured some scotch into his potion goblet.

"Let's just hope that Potter ends up disappointed," Severus broke the silence. "If I die by the end of the year, someone else might have to be the one to kill you."

And just like that any warmth in the room was sucked away. Albus shivered as he met Severus's eyes and saw a bone deep sadness there.

"I'm sorry Severus," he sighed.

"I know," he said, finishing his drink and standing from his seat.

He offered Albus his hand, and didn't even flinch when Albus extended his injured one. He took the delicate hand in his, brushing his fingers along the uneven black line that had climbed to the top most knuckles. Albus smiled softly as he followed Severus to bed.

* * *

"Well he's certainly plotting something," Severus grumbled from his place on the couch in his chambers. "He absolutely won't tell me anything about it."

"Just keep trying," Albus instructed calmly as he stirred his pot on the stove.

"You are burning the steak," Severus chided as he started to pull himself up off the couch.

"Sit down," Albus growled piercing him with hard blue eyes.

"I stood all day through lessons, I think I can handle walking into the kitchen," Severus griped, but he did as he was told.

"I agreed to let you teach regularly, as if you have not just been disemboweled recently," Albus said, gesturing sternly with his spoon. "That was on the condition that you take it easy when you are outside of lessons, and you are not being summoned."

"And when does my forced bed rest end?" Severus grumbled.

"When you can stand without grimacing in pain," Albus said lightly, the twinkle coming back to his eyes. "And you know I know when you're faking it."

"Fine," Severus snapped, throwing the pillow from behind his back toward the kitchen and then groaning in pain. "Flip the damn steaks."

"Okay, okay," he said with a shake of the head as he followed instructions. "Do you need a pain potion?"

"No," Severus sighed as he pulled out his wand and cast a cooling charm on the remaining pillow and pressing it to his now aching stomach. "I think an unburned steak is just the medicine I need."

"You slay me Severus," Albus said with mock anger before turning his attention back to the cheesy mashed potatoes he was making.

* * *

"Bella has been teaching him occlumency," Severus snapped as he paced back and forth before the headmaster's desk. "He's no expert, but all I could pull out cleanly without him knowing what I was doing was a memory of him looking at the necklace in the shop and another of Bellatrix smiling at him as a door closed between them."

"It doesn't prove he did it I suppose," Albus said wearily from where he was perched behind his desk. "We both know that he did. Thank merlin Katie was wearing gloves."

"She was very lucky that the hole was so small." Severus agreed. "I need a way to earn Draco's trust back. I can't have him going to Bella for help or he may actually succeed in killing you. Or at least causing a lot of mayhem in the attempt."

"Maybe you need to spend more time with him," Albus suggested. "Additional prefect training? Or perhaps an independent study project?"

"He'll see through that," Severus groused. "I think I need to find some way to do something for Lucius that will go much further with Draco."

"Do you have any ideas?" Albus asked.

"Not in the slightest," Severus sighed, stopping his restless pacing. "He is so far on the outs that any action to aid him could seriously injure my own standing. I'm not in the mood to see my intestines outside my body anytime soon."

"Neither am I," Albus growled, moving to slam his fist on the desk but catching himself just before contact and stopping to stare at his black fingers.

"Has it spread again?" Severus asked as he crossed the small space between them and took the cursed hand in his own to examine it closer. "Looks like an entire inch this time."

Albus simply nodded his head and watch Severus closely as he drew his wand and began casting diagnostic charms. Albus did not understand the readings or what they meant to Severus as his brow constricted in frustration.

"Has it been hurting?" he asked with a scholarly air as he turned the hand over and examined the palm.

"Not much," Albus shrugged.

"Either I am wildly missing the mark on my readings," he said looking up with a quirked brow. "Or you sir are a liar."

"What do you want me to say Severus?" Albus whispered. "My hand is rotting off, of course it hurts."

"You need to tell me these things," Severus said softly, running his wand over his hand and sending an icy relief through it. "It's a sign that the curse is breaking through the hold I put on it."

Albus nodded again, and Severus lost himself in his work. He murmured in a language that Albus didn't recognize and slowly the pain receded completely from his hands causing his shoulders to slump as the tension bled out of him. None of the corrupted flesh was healed but the progress seemed to have been halted for at least the moment. Severus placed a gently kiss to his palm, and then he released his hand.

"Thank you," Albus said softly. "I don't know what I would do without you."

* * *

"For just tonight can we pretend there is no war, and none of the consequences from that war exist?" Albus asked as the two men entered the potion master's chambers.

"I'd like that," Severus said with a smile as he immediately began pulling fruit out of the fridge while Albus starting gathering ingredients to create a tart crust. "Let's pretend that it's a decade ago and our biggest worry in the world is whether or not Minerva suspects us."

"You know, even if she did find us out, she would never say a word," Albus chuckled as he created a mountain of flower on the counter and hollowed out the top so he could add an egg. "Loyal as a Hufflepuff that one."

"Don't let her catch you saying that," Severus chuckled as he began finely cutting the strawberries that would decorate the top of the tart. "She'd more than just box your ears for a comment like that."

"Oh Minerva is all talk and a badge," Albus huffed lightly as he began needing his concoction into a dough. "She'd never hit anyone, let alone her employer."

"I think you over estimate herself control." Severus laughed. "But it's a moot point, she will never find us out."

"Do you wish that she would?" Albus asked lightly, his attention still focused on his hands.

"No, not anymore." Severus said after some thought. "I used to think I needed that for some sort of validation, but I know now that all I need is you."

Albus refrained from speaking then because for a moment he forgot to pretend that it was ten years earlier. He was choked up by what his lover had just admitted to, and the tragedy of what that meant now that Severus would lose him. His hands shook as he began rolling out the dough, and he knew that Severus was watching him closely.

"Well it's a good thing that you have me then isn't it," Albus finely managed to say, only a slightly throaty voice giving away his struggle.

"A very good thing," Severus answered, and Albus snapped his eyes over to look at him when he heard that silky voice shake.

"It's just the end of November Severus," Albus told him softly. "We still have quite some time left together."

"Of course we do," Severus whispered as he moved on to gently cutting berries. "Of course we do."

"Do you think we should share this fruit tart around the staffroom?" Albus tried for a change of subject.

"You could perhaps," Severus said with an airy chuckle as he struggled to regain a balance in his emotions. "I however have a reputation of an absolute arse to uphold."

"We could make them try to guess if you've poisoned the tart or not," Albus chuckled.

"Poison…" Severus mused, dropping his knife on the counter and holding onto the edges as he fell deep into thought. "You know if a cursed object didn't work, I think that's what he'll go for next. You'll need to be very careful."

"Perhaps you could brew some sample poisons," Albus said, giving up the pretext of ignoring the war. "So I might familiarize myself with their smells?"

"Yes, I think I will do that," Severus sighed as he began cutting fruit once more. "It will come in a roundabout way, so don't expect Draco to hand you the poison himself."

Albus chuckled darkly and shook his head as he began pressing the dough into the pan. It seemed that no matter what they did the conversation was always going to roll back to these topics. Neither of them could keep their minds off of the rapidly approaching end.

* * *

Severus was utterly still and completely relaxed where he lay beneath Albus, allowing the other man to play with his hair. He was happy, and felt very loved, but it did not stop him from pouting as he tried to worm his way out of a commitment.

"I don't think he would actually miss me if I were not to attend that blasted party," Severus said with mock sadness. "And I'd much rather spend the night with you."

"You are a flatterer," Albus chuckled as he abandoned his silly braids and snuggled against his lover's chest. "One of us needs to be there to supervise all of the guests Horace is bringing into the castle, and you know I have obligations outside of the castle tomorrow."

"Where are you going?" Severus asked, still hoping to get the answer to what he and Potter were up to.

"I have research that must be done," Albus said elusively. "It is very important."

"Does it have to do with the hallows?" Severus asked tersely.

"No Severus, I promised you I was done with those, and I will keep that promise," Albus said softly, dropping kisses on every bit of skin he could reach.

"But why must you also keep secrets from me?" Severus asked pointedly, thought he wrapped his arms comfortingly around the older man. "Do you not trust me?"

"I trust you Severus," Albus said fiercely. "It's simply a project that I cannot even be sure of the success of yet. There is so much left to question that I couldn't begin to explain it yet."

Severus nodded and held Albus tightly to him. This conversation was nowhere near over, but for tonight it was done. He didn't want to waste an opportunity to share his love when there was so little time left to do it in. So he let go of his questions and held tight to his lover.

* * *

"I am rather positive that Potter is onto Draco," Severus said as he stirred milk into his tea. "He's practically stalking him at this point, and I am sure that he overheard at least part of the conversation I had with the boy outside of Slughorn's party."

"Do you think he suspects enough to act?" Albus questioned as he added a bit of sugar to his tea.

"No, he is still hesitant enough to keep his distance," Severus answered. "Things could get rather messy though. Potter already has a hot head and a sore spot for death eaters."

"I'll keep a closer eye on him them" Albus sighed before he began sipping his tea. "Was the food at the party good?"

"He served garlic puffs, everyone there had atrocious breath by the end of the night," Severus chucked. "I swear that man has no sense of smell whatsoever."

"Not everyone can be as talented as you," Albus laughed in return. "I am still trying to develop even a fraction of your talent."

"Lucky for you I was only partially testing you when I added a strengthening solution to the tea," Severus sighed with a quirked eyebrow. "You didn't even smell it did you?"

"I didn't suspect you of poisoning me, so of course I didn't smell it." Albus huffed.

"I told you it would come from a roundabout source," Severus growled. "What if Draco had poisoned the kitchen's tea supply."

"You'd have noticed and thrown the tea out," Albus pointed out.

"Did you notice that I have not yet consumed any tea?" Severus mused.

"No you hadn't," Albus admitted. "But you also didn't knock my cup from my hand."

"That would have defeated the purpose of testing you," Severus sighed. "Just drink the tea, the potion will do you some good anyway."

Albus nodded his head and did as he was told. He wondered if he even needed to tell Severus that the curse was weakening him further, or if the dark man already knew. They way that he watched his movements closely suggested that he already knew.

* * *

"What do you have planned?" Albus asked when he joined Severus down in his chambers and saw that he had moved aside the furniture in the sitting room, and had a camera.

"I know it's sort of odd for a Valentine's day date," Severus shrugged. "But I'd really like to have a picture of you. A picture of us."

"I like that," Albus smiled. "Though I wish I had dressed better."

"I like you in your simple grey robes Albus," Severus said with a soft smile. "I want to remember you just like this."

The smile faltered on Albus's face, but he regained his composure. He straightened the neckline on his robes and offered Severus a beaming smile.

"Where do you want me?" he asked his lover.

"In front of the fire," Severus gestured slowly. "It makes you glow."

Albus headed his instruction, surreptitiously tucking his injured hand into his pocket as he reached out to put his other hand up on the mantle and turned to smile at Severus where he was holding the camera up. There was a flash, and this little moment, however staged, was captured forever inside that camera.

"I hope you were thinking happy thoughts," Severus chuckled. "I still don't understand how magical camera's actually work, but I hear it records the mood of the moment."

"I was thinking of you, so I'm sure it will show in the picture," Albus smiled. "How did you want to take a picture of the pair of us?"

"I'm going to set up the camera, and then use magic obviously," Severus quipped as he balanced the camera on the back of the couch so it was aimed at the fireplace.

Severus joined Albus in front of the fire and slid up against his side allowing Albus to tuck his injured hand behind his back and offering him a quick smile before turning to look at the camera and palming his wand so he could control the camera from a distance.

"Think of our beach," he whispered softly and Albus bit the inside of his cheek when he heard how sad Severus thought.

The camera flashed and just like that their very last Valentine's Day together was captured on film. Albus hoped that the picture would help Severus in the years to come instead of hurting him.

"I'll develop them tomorrow," Severus said, leaning further into Albus. "Would you hate it if I said that I just wanted to take you to my bed now?"

"No Severus," Albus said quietly as he began to lead Severus to where he wanted to be. "That's where I want to be too."

There was only so much time left for Albus to show Severus how much he loved him. Only so much time to try and cement love in his heart instead of darkness. Albus would take every opportunity he was offered.

* * *

"Well I suppose I have proof now that Potter actually pays attention in his lessons." Severus said tiredly as he slipped down into his armchair.

"Lucky Slughorn had a beazor in his office," Albus said as he sank down onto the floor and leaned his head against Severus's knees.

"Lucky Draco didn't account for Slughorn's selfish streak," Severus sighed. "I could only just smell the poison in that mead, you never would have caught it over the scent of the pineapple."

"Lucky that," Albus agreed, though part of him wondered if it might have made it easier on all of them if it had worked.

Mr. Malfoy would not have directly murdered him and might have escape too much psychological damage, and Severus would have clean hands that might allow him to heal after his passing. Albus wasn't sure what the right answer was anymore. He wished there was another option. He wished that he didn't have to go.

* * *

Severus could harldy remember the argument the two of them had shared while they strolled around the castle grounds as he sat in such a familiar office and suddenly found it foreign. He had known that Albus was keeping something secret from him, but never had he dared to dream that it was something as dark and twisted as this.

"So the boy...the boy must die?" he heard himself asking, though he couldn't even feel his lips moving.

He knew that Albus had answered him, but he could hardly hear his words over the rushing of his mind to make sense of what he was hearing.

"I thought...all those years...that we were protecting him for her." He said, realizing now that he would one day have to share this conversation with Potter and that so much of this memory as well as others would have to be editing to give him what he needed without giving away so many secrets.

"We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength," said Dumbledore, his eyes still tight shut. "Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth. Sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort."

Dumbledore opened his eyes. Snape knew he must look horrified, but it was nothing for how he was feeling.

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?" he gasped.

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?" he said callously, an Severus realized that Albus must be trying to help him for a complete memory to offer up later.

He wished that there weren't so many secrets for them to swim amongst. He wished that they did not have to tell so many lies.

"Lately, only those whom I could not save," he said as he stood. "You have used me."

"Meaning?" Albus whispered, his eyes tightening when he clearly thought of another task altogether, one they had argued about earlier tonight in fact.

"I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter. "

"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"

"For him?" Severus shouted, drawing on every reserve of happy memory he had to seal this memory in a way that would make Harry Potter walk to his death willingly, and he hated himself for it. "Expecto Patronum!"

From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears. It was an old hurt, long ago explained so Albus would not think that Severus loved Lily in that way, and yet now he had to pretend that was the case didn't he?

"After all this time?" Albus choked.

"Always," Severus lied, and then he allowed himself to collapse onto the office floor in his grief and anguish, though he did not cry.

"Will it suffice Severus," Albus whispered as he joined him on the floor, and cradled him against his body.

"Yes Albus," he sighed, melting into his embrace. "How can we do this? After all the work to keep him alive, I'm to send him off to death now?"

"We always had to send him to die Severus," he sighed. "It's the only way to stop Tom Riddle."

"If I didn't love you so much I would consider refusing to fulfill my vow," Severus whispered. "There isn't much point left in living anymore anyway."

Albus was torn between telling Severus not to say such things, and crying that it would take something like this to make Severus verbalize his love. Why couldn't he say it when they were happy? Always in a moment of agony. It hurt him to know that Severus was so fragile.

* * *

"He may not live to end this war," Severus raged as he stomped back and forth in the head's office. "He nearly killed Draco today, would've done if I hadn't arrived just in time."

"He can't have meant to," Albus said, sitting stiffly in his chair with no color in his face.

"He used very dark magic," Severus bellowed. "My dark spell to be exact. So unless he is trafficking with death eaters, he must be in possession of my old school book!"

"Severus calm down," Albus said softly, not liking the way a vein was bulging in his lover's neck."

"I will not calm down!" Severus yelled. "Yet again, I nearly died for that little brat. I cannot keep navigating these vows. Something is going to give. It is too much Albus!"

"You just have to make it a little longer," Albus said softly as he stood and tried to pull Severus into his embrace.

"I cannot do it another minute," he screeched, pulling out of his arms.

"Severus," Albus said in an even voice, as he tried yet again to pull him close. "When I pass, your vow to me will end, and because I have passed you will have fulfilled your vow to Narcissa. You will be free."

"And what will my freedom mean when I am alone?" Severus cried out, suddenly pulling himself tightly to Albus as if he could keep him alive with his very arms. "What will any of it mean when you have left me?"

Albus could not answer that. As much as he needed to provide an answer, his throat had closed tightly with his own grief. He simply held Severus tighter.

"Please Albus, please," Severus begged, falling to his knees and hugging Albus tightly around the waste. "Don't leave me. Don't make me do this."

"Severus I love you so very much, but this must happen," Albus said quietly, his voice wavering. "Won't you spare me the pain of a harsher death?"

The sound that came from Severus could not even be classified as human. It was a howl of anguish that paired well with how he clutched at his lover. Albus could feel his robes soaking through with tears, and he was rocked with the tremors that went through Severus's body, but eventually he felt Severus begin to nod. Yes, he would do this. It may very well destroy what was left of his poor battered soul, but he would do it.

* * *

Severus felt nothing but cold when the night finally came. He knew that Albus had left the castle with Potter, and he knew in his gut that tonight was going to be the night. He was not surprised when Flitwick appeared in his office, and he was operating on autopilot when he stunned him. He barely batted an eye at Granger as he passed her, making his way up to the astronomy tower where he now knew the final moment was going to happen.

There didn't seem to be any sound in the world as he ghosted through the halls, and there was no sense of time either. It was as if he had apparated. Suddenly he found himself facing the death of his soul. There was Albus, barely managing to stay on his feet, Severus thought he might smell the drink of despair but it was too late to worry about that. He saw the other death eaters, saw Draco weakening. This was the moment. Severus felt as if his soul left his body when his eyes met those of Albus.

"Severus…" he said, his anguish clear in his voice, ripping through his lover's body with ease.

Severus clutched his wand, but he couldn't seem to move.

"Severus… please…" he begged.

Severus raised his wand, and attempted to wall off his heart. There was nothing for it though, his heart bled out of him as he made to fulfill his promise.

"Advada Kedavra!" Severus said, surprised to hear how steady his voice sounded when everything inside him seemed to be shaking.

And then Albus fell, the force of the spell knocking him off his feet and over the top of the battlements. Severus wished that he could close his eyes, protect himself from such a visual being burned into his mind, but he couldn't afford to show any sign of weakness.

"Out of here, quickly," he heard himself say, taking control of the situation out of habit.

* * *

Severus couldn't track time as he lead the flight from the school. He was in the tower, and then he blinked his eyes and he was on the grounds. He stumbled forward and suddenly Hagrid's hut was burning, but he had to keep running. He tried to focus on getting Draco off the grounds, fulfilling the rest of his obligation, but then suddenly Potter was there and he was trying to duel him.

"No Unforgivable Curses from you, Potter!" he shouted all of the roiling emotions battling within him turning to point at the boy, making him want to do something awful. "You haven't got the nerve or the ability-"

And then the boy called him a coward, and suddenly he saw red. He parried yet another attack and struggled to stamp down on the voice begging in the back of the mind to just kill him. They were arguing, but Severus didn't even know what he was saying. His blood was boiling in his veins, but it reached a fever pitch when the boy dared to try using his own curse against him. The very curse that A-Albus had nursed him back to health from not so long ago.

"Kill me then," Potter panted. "Kill me like you killed him, you coward-"

"DON'T-" Severus screamed, feeling his face contort as his grief reached the point of no return. He barely caught himself before revealing more about what happened up in that tower than he should. "-CALL ME COWARD!"

Severus allowed himself to throw one curse at the boy, to release even a sliver of what was burning him from the inside out. Then one of the blasted hippogriffs that Hagrid kept made to attack him and he fled once more. He cleared the gates and immediately apparated away.

* * *

There was nothing inside of him as he knelt at the feet of the Dark Lord and accepted praise for killing Albus and punishment for sidestepping the original plan to do so. He felt absolutely nothing when he was being doted upon, and even less when he was hit with the cruciatus curse. He made all the right noises and the right faces, but he felt himself curling in like paper pressed to flame. He just needed to get through this meeting. He had to solidify his potion and make sure that he was named as the next headmaster and then he could leave and fall to pieces.

The meeting had to have taken most of the night, the sun was rising when he was finally able to leave, but Severus could not remember such a long amount of time passing. If he had been asked to guess he might have gone with five minutes, but apparently it had been hours. He stood now in the weak morning sunshine the new headmaster of the nightmare that would be masquerading as Hogwarts. He had risen to the pinnacle of the death eater ranks. Half of the wizarding world wanted to kill him, and the other half wanted to be him, but all he could think about was how very alone he was. He apparated back to Spinner's End and immediately slumped to the ground in his living room.

"I love you Albus," he whispered into the silence, and then he let himself cry.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Songs for this chapter: Hands of Time by Rachel Diggs and Raining in Baltimore by Counting Crows**_

* * *

Severus was lost in his grief, and that perhaps was why he was profoundly confused to wake up drowning in a terrible heat. When he was better able to take in his surroundings he realized that he was on their island, still wearing his full robes, and thus that was why he was hot. He stripped down and lay in the sand once more allowing the grains beneath his face to absorb a new round of tears.

He did want to be here, not when it was just him. Yet he couldn't bring himself to leave the place where Albus had always been the most alive. Time lost all meaning as he lay in the sand mourning. The only indicator that large amounts of time were passing was the sunburn that he could feel spreading farther across his skin, but still he did not get out of the sun. Somehow it didn't seem to matter if his body hurt when his soul was torn asunder.

He wanted to go to the funeral. He was desperate for the chance to say goodbye, and yet he knew that he could not hand such a scene if he were welcome there. It was thoughts of just how many people would attack him if he were to show up at the funeral that finally drove a bit of life back in to him. Severus pulled his now quite red body up out of the sand and staggered his way into the bungalow they occasionally slept in. He stood rigidly in the shower, forcibly refusing to wince at the pain caused by the water as it washed all of the sand away.

Eventually Severus began to function on a basic human level once more. With that came food and ablutions, and those he could handle. What he couldn't handle were the thoughts. He thought about Albus and how badly he missed him and it tore him apart again and again until he no longer wanted to try. He decided to simply stop trying, and then the worst of it came. A horrible burning pain erupted in his wrist, and with a dark bark that almost could have been a laugh he realized that Albus had been wrong. He was not free from his vow at all.

He watched in abject horror as every vein on his body began to turn black. He thought he could actually feel the life bleeding out of him, and he welcomed the idea that he could join Albus. But then those thoughts reared their ugly heads, and he realized that he was not free of his vow because the Dark Lord still lived. He thought perhaps that should make him cry, but as the resolution to return o the fight worked its way through him he lost the ability to feel any emotion other than determination.

* * *

Severus was very busy when he returned to England. Everyone had just left Hogwarts for the summer or it was likely he would have been unable to enter the grounds without being attacked. Still he arrived in the dead of night to be safe. He knew what Albus had put into his will and he needed to make sure that everything would get to the person it was intended for. The first step for that was to hide the Sword of Gryffindor as the ministry was sure to confiscate it rather than delivering it to Potter.

The second was harder. His hands shook as he broke the stone free of that blasted ring, and placed it inside the snitch that had been magically modified to ignore it's flesh memory and instead respond to a phrase with a certain meaning. It was a tricky bit of magic to get the snitch to tell Potter how to open it, and perhaps Severus should have been proud of that but he was trying desperately to hold onto the numbness he had felt when leaving the island.

That was an impossible feat when faced with the presences of a new portrait in the headmasters office that had horribly well done eyes that sparkled as brightly as the real man's had. Blissfully the portrait seemed to understand that Severus was not ready to be spoken to. Or perhaps it simply hadn't learned how to speak yet. Severus couldn't be sure, and he was too close to the edge of another breakdown to contemplate it too much.

* * *

When the portrait finally did speak, it was for business, and it was so familiar that Severus found himself looking to the desk for the source of the sound instead of up on the wall. He staunchly ignored the flare of pain in his chest and attempted to focus on the instruction he was being given. It took a bit of internal prodding to remind himself why he cared if a plan to have Fletcher provide a plan of escape while he himself provided the actual date of the attempt to rescue Potter from the Dursleys to the Dark Lord.

He heard his voice responding to the painting of his lover, but he couldn't seem to feel his lips moving. It was as if someone else was in charge of his body and he was simply watching it all unfold. That feeling didn't go away when he tracked down the thief and confunded him into providing the only plan that was likely to keep Potter alive.

* * *

The first time Severus felt remotely in control of his body again, was ironically the night that he somehow managed to miss his target, a previously unheard of happening, and severe the ear of George Weasley thus sealing his cover as a true bastard that everyone in the Order should hate. He promptly fled the scene as it would have been entirely impossible to explain how the sight of a 'blood traitor' losing an appendage had brought him to the brink of tears.

He disappeared from the night sky only to reappear at the gates of Hogwarts and sprint blindly toward the castle in an effort to find cover before the worst of it hit. It was only the portraits of former headmasters and headmistresses that witness his descent into a sloppy teary mess once more, and they were sworn to protect his secrets.

* * *

"Severus," Albus's portrait said quietly on night shortly before term was set to begin while Severus sat in the dark drinking himself into a stupor.

"Yes love," Severus grunted after far too long of a pause.

"I think you should go to the old headquarters and search around a bit," Albus suggested in a sad voice. "Things have been quiet, and unfortunately we need to Order to think you are a threat to them. I imagine security will be easier to break through now we've lost Moody."

Severus threw back the last of his drink as he tried not to think of yet another person they had lost in this bloody war.

"As you wish," he said in a numb voice as he stepped into the fireplace, drawing his wand and conjuring a fire that would send him to the house that no longer belonged to Sirius Black.

* * *

In the end he found nothing but a scrap of paper that gave him just a little bit more fuel for the fire that illuminated the tragic story he was creating that would convince Harry Potter to martyr himself. He took care to cataologe every sensation as he tore the bottom of the letter written by Lily and saved it. He didn't bother to hide his tears, and Potter would never know who they had really been for. That fact was sealed when he found a picture of Lily and stole that as well.

* * *

Severus had thought that he wished he were dead as he lay in the sand on the island, but he grew to understand what it truly meant to wish for your own death when the students arrived and Hogwarts became a nightmare even he had been unable to imagine. He counted himself lucky every time he made it through a meal without one of the other professors murdering him, and yet he almost wished that they would.

He was dying on the inside a little each day as he saw the Carrows terrorizing the student body, and was forced to do it himself in order to keep his cover. To many evening were spent with the sound of children screaming filling his ears, and all of his nights were filled with drinking and crying after he had locked himself away in his office.

It was only his ability to accept torture without complaint that kept the Dark Lord himself from setting foot on the school grounds. Severus frequently bled for his students if only to protect them from the worst of the torture that might come their way should their 'prestigious' leader decide to make an appearance at the castle.

* * *

Severus had almost forgotten that he was trying to get the real sword of Gryffindor to Potter and his friends after having hidden a fake one in Bella's vault. He was reminded rather forcefully on a night that he could hardly determine the number of after so many drunken nights, when Phineas began shouting at him about the Forest of Dean.

He laid his little trap that would force Potter to play the hero, and once he was certain that the boy would indeed get ahold of the sword he abandoned the forest and returned to the castle where his brand new bottle of whiskey was waiting for him. He'd grown numb enough that he no longer noticed the sad blue eyes that watched him from their portrait.

* * *

His life became an unending torture where one moment blurred into another. He stopped telling day from night or one day from another. He couldn't be sure if he was sleeping or if he had passed into some strange realm where he simply didn't need to sleep anymore. He never did seem to find respite from consciousness.

There were tiny blips on his radar that sent spikes of pain through his heart. A student died. A curse upon his own body went so far that he nearly bled to death. Bellatrix swore up and down that she had her hands on Potter. None of it had seemed to matter, until suddenly the Dark Lord was in a blinding fury and so many people were slaughtered that Severus was forced to pay attention.

It was only then that he understood the magnitude of what Albus had been hiding from him, and the depravity of the situation he found himself in. When he learned of the break in what was left of the Dark Lord's sanity, he knew he would not be able to keep him away from the castle any longer, and he feared trying to stop him now that he knew of the horcruxes. He didn't even have any tears left to shed when he stared at that blasted portrait with all of the betrayal he could muster written clearly on his face.

* * *

Things happened quickly after that, and Severus was grateful. All of the different agents in this fight simply came to him, and all he had to do was wait for the end. He tried desperately to get one of his students to hand Potter over to him, so he could give the boy the memories he would need to do what he had to, but he instead found himself in a duel with Minerva McGonagall.

He had no fight in him when he saw the hate in her eyes. He simply deflected what spells he could that she sent his way and then he ran. He felt the burning that told him his vow was being triggered as he hadn't yet given Potter the information he needed, but there was nothing else he could do. He stayed clear of the fighting as all-out war broke out on the grounds of the castle he had once believed to be his home.

Eventually he opted to hide in the shrieking shake, with the desperate hope that Potter and his friends would find their way there while trying to avoid the worst of the battle. What he did not account for was anyone else finding him there. He was torn between shock and amusement when the Dark Lord appeared and rather dramatically revealed his intention to rid himself of Severus.

The words didn't even reach his ear, and he had no idea what came out of his mouth in response. All he could think about was that the burning had faded from his arm so Potter must be close, and yet he was still going to fail. That was what he was thinking of when he felt the fangs tear into his throat. He was vaguely aware of his own voice screaming, but his mind kept repeating that he had failed.

His blood was drenching him rapidly when Potter appeared, and he fought against the blackness that was threating to take him as he hoarsely demanded that the boy take the memories he was forcing out of his eyes. He wished he could move his arms to ensure they were caught. He had spent far too much time editing those memories to have them drip onto the floor and be lost for eternity.

At the last minute Granger produced a vial and the memories were saved. Severus was honestly only thinking of Albus, but he used his last words to seal the impression in Potter's mind that it had been about Lily when he begged him to look at him.

He stared into green eyes, but all he truly saw were twinkling blue ones. His body was betraying him, but all he felt was the warm embrace that Albus would be giving him if he were there. He heard a horrible rasping breath that must have been his, but then finally everything stopped and he was free.

* * *

THE END


End file.
